I can offer you solutions to all your problems

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I am a non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. I am unfettered by knowledge or training and can solve anything, no matter how trivial.

Please enter my advice clinic where you will find kindly Agony Aunt services. My rules and solutions are mostly as follows:

1. Lie Down
2. No Guests
3. No One is Too Fat or Too Thin
4. No One Gets Told Off

thigh sorry, I got it all over my Slanket [sad}

But never mind it goes with the vomit and anyway I've now ordered the 'Lazy Quilt' blanket Royal kindly told us of. When I get it, I only need cut a 'willy hole' and it's good to go.

Dangly I was going to recommend you just piss on your slanket anyway. We're already a subset of humanity so let's go the whole hog.

Project I think you should join the circus. You strike me as agile and you need skillz in order to fight off the Dark Lord in Training.

Someone should start making these slankets with a little flap.

The vagina is yours Royal. Just hide it from your she.

Ooh yes thigh. I’m working on my bearded lady look and my lion taming skills are pretty sharp from dealing with the dark lord.

I feel like I need some little sparkly pants now.

Not your ‘she’. Your dh.

Project don't worry if you got piss on you slanket, thigh recommends it.

I think you should ask at the tassle making workshop if they could show you how to run up sparkly pants too. I would order some for myself but my job requires no pants.

I am laying down and have been all day, but I feel very very bad from too much drinking last night. Does anyone have a magic hangover cure?

Luaa yes, I recommend that you drink civet shit coffee. I've been waiting to offer you this advice. Now, as you know, you are a vegan and eschew the use of animal products.

BUT - this civet gets human to eat its shit and pay for the shit. How awesome is that?

Luaa excellent advice from thigh as always but also have you considered a stiff drink and then getting royally fucked by midday?

You will be able to re-live the happiness of being pissed last night AND accelerate your unravelling as a human whilst aligning you chakras with being enfolded safely within thigh's sub-sector at the very same time!

Good advice from both thigh and Dangly but I'm really looking for something I can do without moving from my bed. Might a lobotomy help me?

Luaa having a lobotomy may involve receiving guest, Rule 2 of Thighland.

Could you do it yourself? Do you have an ice pick handy?

I believe you just need to stick a hook up your nose, luaa.

Or was that the Egyptians?

That’s a shame Dangly. I was thinking some gold ones like Kylie used to wear. I think they’d go beautifully with my beard.

And even better with Dangly’s penis

I've decided a lobotomy is too much effort and I'm just going to nap all day instead. That is the thigh way.

I wonder if I partially did this on purpose to get dh back for the last 2 weekends? If so, it was a very poorly thought out plan.

Oh YES Project i will definitely come and see your 'Bearded Kylie" act!! You can borrow my penis for it!

You know thigh , I'm so happy that we sorted out this new career for Project . It's perfect for her!

Napping all day a good plan. Is your 'husband'not bringing you snacks/drinks soothing ice pack? If not it's off to the integral garage for him once you are well enough.

small he has returned from delivering oldest child to a party and has brought me toast, drinks, paracetamol and a salted caramel square thing. He says I need the sugar. So I think I'll keep him for a bit longer.

Oh, and he set me up a fan when I complained I was hot.

Luaa I think your husband deserves an honorary vagina too.

Luaa remember to air your arse for temperature control.

So bearded Kylie dancing with penis hanging out? I don’t know why I didn’t consider this as a career option before

Thank you project I'll let him know.

thigh very good advice as always. I was a bit hot again so have just uncovered my bum and am cooling down nicely.

Are we allowed guests if it is (a) one of us (b) with snacks and (c) they are only there to perform a quick lobotomy then they fuck off home? Because if so, I’m happy to offer my services. No pick axe but I do have shit toddler-safe scissors and sellotape with a Christmas pattern on it.

Reg can I book you?

That's if we ARE allowed guests in these circumstances, I imagine we are as long we stay in our slankets/lazy quilts throughout. I have got a sharp compass and a bottle opener if these tools would help the procedure.

By 'bottle opener' I mean a traditional type, I didn't mean dh, although he is one now.

Would you like a stick-on willy while you are here? Also could you pop one round to thigh's en route back as I do remember she expressed an interest in them.