BIL- I say this is a problem - DH gets interesting set with me and denies its wrong

[AlwaysTheLastToKnow]

Dh’s Family have huge issues. After ten years of putting up with bullying and lies I stood up to my PIL and told my H I’d leave him if he didn’t support me and the kids and so we went no contact (there’s a big back story as to why I’m wary of his brother but he’s the only family member on my Dh’s side that sees the kids)

BIL- is single(never had a GF, very wealthy and socially a bit awkward. (I have a SN child who can struggle socially) he treats the kids like they are 3, insists on touching them
Constantly (they hate this and always have) I’ve tried gently telling him not to do it and when they say NO he must respect this but he ignores it. I’ve been more firm and told him he will ruin any relationships with them if he continues (he’s good for 30 minutes then back to type)

He comes overly twice a month and the kids will make any excuses they can (seeing friends-sports stuff-being I’ll) dh will not listen

And I’m sick of it.

I don’t think any uncle has free reign to barge into their bedrooms and wrestle them on their beds. I don’t think he should grab them in between the crotch to lift them up. Moreover the kids tell him to stop and visibly don’t want him near.

It’s causing an issue because I’m supporting the children and my dh says “that’s just how he is they’ve got to be polite to him”

Errr- no. This is totally at odds with everything I’ve taught the dc about their space and their bodies and how they should be respected by anyone when they say no.

I’m at the stage now where I’m planning stuff to clash with the visits

Kids are 9,12,15

He's lifting kids of that age by the crotch?

He'd not be in my house ever.

Yeah, he really can't be touching kids that age in the crotch unless he wants to have a visit from the police.

I think you’ve all you can to keep him at bay and now need to be out of the house for visits

What he’s doing is horrid and nasty. Your husband is equally at fault

Who wants an uncle pawing at them?

They don’t have to put up with it -

Absolutely fucking not OP.

Vile behaviour.

He shouldn't be touching or lifting children of ANY age in the crotch FFS

Touching the crotch of a 9, 12 ,15 yr old is very worrying.
Cut him loose.

Make sure you are out when they visit. Every time. You dh can see them alone.

Yeah he would be past the living room in my house. If he tried to go up to their rooms I would physically block him.

What do you and the children do and say when he does stuff like that?

You do realise the majority of cases of child sexual abuse are carried out by a family member?

Is there a cultural background? Why the fuck is this individual within a 5 mile radius of your DC?

No contact, NOW.

Oh my god
That heart is beating to fast reading
Your responses

I know! Yes!

I block him yes on the stairs and will say “they’re changing” “they’re doing homework”

The eldest will not come anywhere near him and stays in their room- I’ve told him why- he diverts it to the others.
I’ve tols by husband it’s strange and asked him if He thinks it’s strange “oh that’s Xxxx for you he’s just a bit odd”

It’s like he wrestles and tickles them like when they were small

He's basically sexually abusing your children and your husband is allowing it to happen. You need to put a stop to him being anywhere near the children right now. If your husband won't support this then LTB.

If I had kids he wouldn't be near them. The crotch touching and wrestling is creepy and for me is a massive red flag. I wouldn't care what DH said and if he pushed it I would leave to protect my kids.

Thing is for ages I was at work when he visited so was t aware- I’ve given up working on those days now.

I got a call earlier (dh at work)
It was BIL- I made our excuses and he offered to come with us

Dh says he has no partner-no kids. He’s just juvenile around them (which he is-kids fins him cringe) their words

If the children disclose this to a person like a teacher, SS will be investigating you and your h for putting your kids in harm's way.

Your h needs to see his brother out of the house or tell you when he's coming so you can get the kids out. Nobody should have to tolerate their crotch grabbed- whatever their age.

Yes to blocking the stairs

Why is he allowed in their rooms anyway? He should be a downstairs guest only

Tell DH quite firmly if he touches them again you will report him for his unwanted behaviour

Tbh if an adult had done that to me as a teenager I would have fucking walloped them Your DH needs to get a fucking grip and stop allowing your DC to be sexually assaulted. Because that’s what it is.

Sounds like a nice pedophile grooming his victims.

He’doing it in plain sight. Like other abusers.

Raven- I hear what you’re saying

So I leave their dad over it and creepy BIL has weekly access with me nowhere to be seen? Dh is a lazy man parent wise- I guarantee they’d be made spend more time with him.

No way.

And don’t expect his family including your DH to want to face the truth.

Call the NSPCC and get some advice!

Then make your dh listen to what they have said

It’s not right him picking up your kids by their crotch especially when they are saying NO

He doesn’t grab their crutches I haven’t explained it well (although it’s still wrong)

He’ll take the youngest with one arm under his arm and the other embow in between to throw him on the sofa

Like I said still as bad.

The kids know how I feel about it which is why I speak up and why I’m now lying to dodge him openly in front of my kids

What is wrong with your DP that he can’t see this for what it is? This is awful, your poor kids being subjected to this creepy man.

I have never picked up child by their crotch by the way - I guess I can imagine you sort of do that with a baby but there definitely would be a nappy on?!
Even when DD was a baby I would scoop her bum to lift her