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Original poster

Are you glad you have siblings?

133 replies

rascalsinthecot · 22/02/2019 20:25

We have a one year old DD who is just amazing. We'd always hoped for two DCs and are deciding now whether to have another.

What's holding me back is that I love her so much I can't imagine feeling the same way about another (I know this is a common fear) and also I worry that she will feel insecure or jealous in some way if we have another baby.

She does also have a couple of congenital problems and my DH was concerned that if we had another DC without these problems she might look at the other DC and wonder why they are different. Our drs don't think it's genetic and was a sporadic thing that they can't explain, but we do worry as well that if we had another DC they could have a much worse disability.

I'm an only child and although I was very lucky and had a very happy childhood, I do think I would be a better person and more adept socially if I'd had siblings. I'd love to think of her as having more family than just us, although I know we can't guarantee they would grow up close.

Just love her so much and want to make the right decision for her I guess so would love to hear your thoughts.

OP posts:

Thistles24 · 22/02/2019 20:47

Middle child with 2 brothers here. I wouldn’t be without them, but as children we weren’t that close. We grew up in a rural village with loads of other children our age around, so I was off with the girls, and they were off with the boys. I notice similar with my own boys, there’s 3 years between them and usually at least one of them has a club every night, so they don’t really need to play together to avoid being bored, if you see what I mean? Holidays are the only time I’m guaranteed they’ll be playing together for days on end.
Basically what I’m trying to say is that siblings are (or can be) great, but don’t look at it through rose tinted glasses, or feel guilty if you just have 1. As long as she’s loved and has company (both adults and children) she’ll be grand. I’d bet there’s loads of people who have siblings but still feel lonely.

formerbabe · 22/02/2019 20:48

Yes, very glad. My parents died when I was fairly young so I'm doubly glad.

Redskyandrainbows67 · 22/02/2019 20:50

Yes very

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AguerosAngel · 22/02/2019 20:53

Oldest of four here. I was an only for seven years then the other three came along in short succession.

I resented them hugely, I felt like I’d lost my DM, she had no time for me etc. They’re all still close now, where as I am on the outside and I’m ok with that.

I only have one DS, partly through choice, partly through my health reasons. DS is nearly a teenager now and is perfectly happy being an only one, he likes having all my attention and us not having any real financial limitations because there are only the three of us.

RoseReally · 22/02/2019 20:53

Yes, very glad even though as one of four I sometimes felt I didn't get enough attention. I feel really close to all of them and love them fiercely.

I can understand your reluctance in terms of upsetting your DD (I've felt that too, currently pregnant with DC2). However, I feel that just because it might be a challenge for her, isn't a reason not do it. Life is full of challenges! I also think that kids learn a lot from having siblings. So for me, having another outweighs any disadvantage. Hopefully I'll still think so in a year's time!

Teaandtoastie · 22/02/2019 20:54

Very glad. We don’t live very close now, but we talk regularly. Currently working together to figure out what to do about my dad’s care as he is pretty elderly now. My DSis was my rock when our mum died. At the end of the day, they are the only people who can remember your childhood- these connections become really important as you get older, I think. —also my DSis beat up the kids who bullied me at primary school for me—

BartonHollow · 22/02/2019 20:55

Mixed

I have 2 siblings

One, I'm very glad to have

The other is the single most difficult relationship dynamic of my life.

Tavannach · 22/02/2019 20:56

Yes, one of three.

AuntieOxident · 22/02/2019 20:57

My DB and I fought like cat and dog when we were children. Not so much now, though.
Seriously, we get on very well but don’t live close to each other so we see each other every couple of months but chat on the phone every week, at least. He’s a good bloke, I wouldn’t be without him now. And my SIL is pretty special too.

Fishcakey · 22/02/2019 20:57

I have an older sister. We are there for each other when it matters but she has always belittled me and likes to keep my mum to herself. Wouldn't be without her obviously but we're not all close and hand holdy.

Triglesoffy · 22/02/2019 20:58

I haven’t spoken to my sibling for 4 years as they are a complete selfish self-centred grabby wank badger.

lottielady · 22/02/2019 20:58

Not really.

I’m the product of a contraceptive failure, so my siblings are 15,14 and 10 years older.

It was miserable when I was little, then ok for a bit when I was in my 20s and 30s, and now I’m in my 40s it’s gone shit again.

I have little in common with them.

Clawdy · 22/02/2019 21:00

When I was little I longed to be an only child, I felt my little sis got all the fuss and attention. Many years later, with both parents long dead, I am so glad we are close, although it's not been an easy ride! We mean a lot to each other now, I can safely say.

Teakind · 22/02/2019 21:01

I adore my siblings (although we of course annoy each other at times!)

kateclarke · 22/02/2019 21:02

No. I’m a middle child.

My older sister bullied me throughout childhood.

My younger brother is lovely, but I worried a lot about him growing up.

I have an only child and am happy with my decision.

MessEnoughClean · 22/02/2019 21:03

Just to give the other side of this, I'm an only child and very glad of it. I saw the squabbles my friends had with their siblings growing up and was glad to be free of that. I saw cousins semi regularly and had friends round but also liked being on my own, and still do.

VictoriaBun · 22/02/2019 21:05

I'm an only and both parents now dead. It's a shame I have no-one to share in the ' Can you remember when ' of childhood.

RogersVideo · 22/02/2019 21:05

My two sisters were born just before my 3rd birthday. I can't imagine my childhood without them.

PhilomenaButterfly · 22/02/2019 21:06

Mine are so much younger than me that I don't really know them.

MovingThisYearDefinitely · 22/02/2019 21:08

Hell NO! I'm a middle child of 3 sisters. Both my sisters are selfish c*s who tried to rip off our father & have had nothing to do with either of us since I put a stop to their behaviour!

Coffeeandcrumpet · 22/02/2019 21:08

I am an only and although I had brilliant childhood I wish I had a sibling. I have two dc and i love watching their relationship.

Crunchymum · 22/02/2019 21:08

Geographically close to my siblings, emotionally not at all (2 very serious issues mean I rarely to speak to 2 of my 3 siblings at the moment, but this is shit I hope that will pass). Growing up I adored being part of a big, boisterous family and I loved the company and commanderie.

Hidingtonothing · 22/02/2019 21:08

No, one DB and I don't remember a time we got on. DM reckons we were close when we were little but my only memories of him as a child are of him being vile to me and nothing much has changed in adulthood. I'm pretty sure I've only ever been someone to pick on for him so contact has dwindled to pretty much NC now.

I do identify with some pp's feelings though, I'm an older mum so knowing my DD has someone is important to me. DH has older DC fortunately so DD has half siblings, I may well have had a second otherwise as I would hate to think she would be alone when we've gone. I don't feel she's missed out by not having a full time sibling (for want of a better expression) closer in age though, I got nothing positive from that experience myself so there was nothing to recommend it for me.

TemporaryPermanent · 22/02/2019 21:10

Generally yes. We are all extremely different though, and as we get older some of the differences are looming larger rather than smaller, which is a surprise. Both my siblings are several years older than me, which meant we weren't close as young children either. We all live quite a long way from each other and although we are fond of each other's children none of us is the kind of aunt/uncle you read about.

My ds is an only and I'm at peace with that now he's 15. I don't think your reasons are good ones tbh. I bitterly regretted not have g another between him being aged about 4 and 11.

Parthenope · 22/02/2019 21:11

Eldest of four, and feel our childhood was far too crowded -- not enough space, money or parental attention for us all. Not unrelated that as adults, we're all very different people and live in different countries, and like our own space. I have an only child by choice.

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