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Original poster

Are you glad you have siblings?

133 replies

rascalsinthecot · 22/02/2019 20:25

We have a one year old DD who is just amazing. We'd always hoped for two DCs and are deciding now whether to have another.

What's holding me back is that I love her so much I can't imagine feeling the same way about another (I know this is a common fear) and also I worry that she will feel insecure or jealous in some way if we have another baby.

She does also have a couple of congenital problems and my DH was concerned that if we had another DC without these problems she might look at the other DC and wonder why they are different. Our drs don't think it's genetic and was a sporadic thing that they can't explain, but we do worry as well that if we had another DC they could have a much worse disability.

I'm an only child and although I was very lucky and had a very happy childhood, I do think I would be a better person and more adept socially if I'd had siblings. I'd love to think of her as having more family than just us, although I know we can't guarantee they would grow up close.

Just love her so much and want to make the right decision for her I guess so would love to hear your thoughts.

OP posts:
BartonHollow · 22/02/2019 21:42

@Happygolucky009

Jesus, are you me? I could've written that.

Tinkerbell38 · 22/02/2019 21:45

Just one brother and so lucky to have him in my life, we were a real team when my mum needed a lot of care . When he texts me and ends with 'love you sis' it makes me so happy .

ForalltheSaints · 22/02/2019 21:47

Yes I have a sister and am very glad to have one. Lives a long way away but we are still in regular contact and the support I get for decisions about helping my mum and before her my gran is something I don't think I could have done without easily.

Interested in this thread?

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Families
Munder · 22/02/2019 21:47

Nope not glad.

Estranged from my sister. I was treated with utter contempt growing up and into adulthood. I honestly don't feel anything towards her. If she died would I even care?

DramaAlpaca · 22/02/2019 21:47

I'm not close to my brother, we have never had much in common & rarely see each other, but I'm glad he's there.

MissWimpyDimple · 22/02/2019 21:48

Hmmmm. Not really. We grew up without taking much notice of each other and have very little in common.

He doesn't even seem to remember the same childhood things.

I do love him I guess but I can't see life being any better or worse had I not had him in it.

He isn't very interested in me anyway. Just rather indifferent and a bit judgemental. Hey ho.

Giving your child a sibling absolutely doesn't guarantee a lifelong companion.

GummyGoddess · 22/02/2019 21:50

I'm the eldest of 4, huge age gap between the eldest 2 and youngest 2.

I hated my brother as a child but we're close now and enjoy chatting and spending time together.

My sister is the eldest of the second 'set' and I also adore her, she's funny and smart and the type of person I always wanted for a sister when I was a child.

I love my youngest brother but he's only 16 so we don't have much in common yet, but I'm sort of expecting the same closeness when he grows up and has some life experience. He is also extremely smart but is at the annoying teenage boy stage.

Overall I would never want to be an only child. I love my siblings, I wouldn't want to be without them. Even if my dc don't get on as children (dc1 is 2 and there doesn't seem to be any jealousy, he's so lovely to dc2), there's still hope they will as adults and I would want them to have the shared life experiences that siblings have. I also want a third child at some point as well as I just love having children.

tobee · 22/02/2019 21:57

Totally glad I have an older sister. She's a couple of years older. We've always got on well, talk about health worries etc, and our elderly parents. When they die we will be able to get through it together.

She has always been pretty bossy but also looked after me.

Haven't spoken to her for a few days and really miss her!

Smile
elQuintoConyo · 22/02/2019 21:58

No. One sister 2 years older, has resented me since birth Confused we now live in different continents, much better.
DH is the 3rd of 6. Great childhood, very strong bond until around 5 years ago when certain behaviours came to light and it has all gone to shut.
We have one child, 7yo, and he has never, never asked for a sibling, not once.

Munder · 22/02/2019 21:59

I can also relate to happygolucky

I wish I could speak to people like you that have experienced similar.

It's been so damaging and affected who I am today. If you aren't reading this not so Dsis, go f**k yourself.

I clearly am still not coping with this.

greendale17 · 22/02/2019 22:01

Yes definitely. I have one brother who I am eye close to. I would have loved more siblings

WendyCope · 22/02/2019 22:02

My siblings are evil to me.

SassitudeandSparkle · 22/02/2019 22:06

Parthenope could be my DH, oldest of four (gap between eldest and youngest two) and quite set on an only child for us! Hasn't seen his siblings for some considerable time (we visit them, not the other way around) which is unfortunate.

I am an only, I have two step-siblings now.

UnperfectLife · 22/02/2019 22:08

Do you love both your parents? See, it's easy to love more than one person!!!! You don't have a finite amount of love that you have to distribute between your children.
I'm the 5th of 5 so I really do see that the love doesn't run out!!!! I love my siblings. After my own children, they are the most important things in my life...
No guarantee your children would get on... but odds are, they would enrich each other's life.

CanYouHearThePeopleSing · 22/02/2019 22:11

My brother and I weren't close as children - we were chalk and cheese in terms of interests and personality. But we started to find some common ground as I was doing A levels and he GCSEs... and then he died, suddenly.
I miss him every day - more so now than when it first happened. I'm sure as adults we would have become close. I spend a lot of time wondering 'what if', and what he would be like/where our lives would have gone.
And I feel the pressure of having to be responsible for my parents' care when they get older, with no-one to share it with. Not having an adult sibling makes me tremendously sad.

My DH doesn't have much in common with his DB, but they get on OK, and at least shared the load when his parents were ill (and supported each other when they died). Sadly I have very little in common with my BIL, so he didn't become a brotherly figure, and he'll never have kids, so I'll never be an aunty. Another great sadness.

I see friends who have close relationships with their siblings and feel jealous - not something I'd ever say out loud, but I can't help feeling that way. And then I see friends who have siblings who have nothing in common with each other and barely communicate, but think at least they have the choice.

I think being an 'only' is tough. But maybe that's because I know what could have been. If I'd been an only child all along, maybe I wouldn't feel that way.

missbattenburg · 22/02/2019 22:13

One younger brother. We have been good friends all our lives. We might live a distance apart now and only see each other a few times a year but when we do we fall back into our friendship.

Plus, if I needed anything I know I could call him. And he, me.

Really glad he's around.

LGFuad · 22/02/2019 22:14

Now, not really. My younger brother and I were very close when we were growing up although we fought like cat and dog too. Once we reached our late teens/early twenties he was one of my best friends. Then he met and married a woman who detests our family and due to her we haven’t spoken in over 18 months. I am still very very hurt by it all and would rather have never had a brother than have this broken relationship with him.

MamaDane · 22/02/2019 22:14

I have two siblings and I've had a terrible relationship with one growing up and don't have much of a relationship with the other as an adult.

I'm grateful for my nephew though.

Strokethefurrywall · 22/02/2019 22:14

I'm the middle of 3 with an older sister (2 years older) and our younger brother who was nearly 3 1/2 years younger.

General sibling rivalry aside, we had a wonderful upbringing and were very close as adults.
Our brother died when he was 28 and it devastated our family. I'm so glad that my sister and I have each other to lean on, especially so that we could talk through our grief without having to further burden our parents.
I love my sister to death, and love and miss our brother deeply. He was my rock and our lives haven't been the same since he passed away.

I have two sons and would have loved to have had a third, but whilst I believe our upbringing and family life had much to do with our close relationship, I do believe there is a fundamental nature element that you can't predict.

For now, my two boys are best friends. They adore each other, spend more time giggling together and despite the usual little boy complaints, always factor each other into their plans. I hope they continue to be the best of friends as they grow up.

BartonHollow · 22/02/2019 22:15

@Munder

Start a thread in 30 days and I'll join you? If it's in 30 days it'll die and won't leave searchable evidence behind

Kennehora · 22/02/2019 22:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PrettyLovely · 22/02/2019 22:16

Yes I like having siblings. I love all of mine.

StayingWithAuntySue · 22/02/2019 22:17

Enjoyed having sisters growing up but have been let down enormously by the one I was close too, so it all counted for nothing in the end anyway.

If you do go ahead, don't worry as the love doubles with subsequent children, it doesn't halve

Tavannach · 22/02/2019 22:20

CanYouHearThePeopleSing

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Toddlerteaplease · 22/02/2019 22:20

My sister is 15 months younger than me. And I wouldn't be without her.