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Original poster

Are you glad you have siblings?

133 replies

rascalsinthecot · 22/02/2019 20:25

We have a one year old DD who is just amazing. We'd always hoped for two DCs and are deciding now whether to have another.

What's holding me back is that I love her so much I can't imagine feeling the same way about another (I know this is a common fear) and also I worry that she will feel insecure or jealous in some way if we have another baby.

She does also have a couple of congenital problems and my DH was concerned that if we had another DC without these problems she might look at the other DC and wonder why they are different. Our drs don't think it's genetic and was a sporadic thing that they can't explain, but we do worry as well that if we had another DC they could have a much worse disability.

I'm an only child and although I was very lucky and had a very happy childhood, I do think I would be a better person and more adept socially if I'd had siblings. I'd love to think of her as having more family than just us, although I know we can't guarantee they would grow up close.

Just love her so much and want to make the right decision for her I guess so would love to hear your thoughts.

OP posts:
Changedmynametoolikeyou · 22/02/2019 21:11

I am not glad I have my siblings, because they are hideous people, but I would have liked nice, normal siblings. If such creatures exist.

Namenic · 22/02/2019 21:12

It’s a bit of a risk. It could go well and they get on, or badly if they don’t...

On the whole I think it’s a nice support.

danceyourselfsilly · 22/02/2019 21:13

I have an older sister who disliked me and belittled me growing up and was probably the cause of my low self esteem generally
I have a younger brother who I rarely see and shows no interest in anyone else at all. Not sure how I would feel being an only child though even after that - I imagine it is very intense. I however do have an only DC and they would love siblings but it was not to be sadly. I feel sorry for them despite me telling them it wouldn't be all happy families necessarily but I do understand how they feel.

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BillywigSting · 22/02/2019 21:18

Another one giving the other side of it, I'm an only child and very very glad of it. I'm very introverted though and the thought of sharing my space (and parental attention) always horrified me a a child.

My parents absolutely dote on me which I think helps.

I have seen the fallout when siblings clash and it's devastating.

I have a ds who is an only and desperate for a sibling so I'm wobbling a little bit but I think that really having an only is the right choice for us.

PonderLand · 22/02/2019 21:19

I'm really glad I have a brother he's 18 months older than me. Growing up from the ages of about 5 to 11 was like a constant war though, we fought and argued pretty much all the time I really didn't like him Blush he was always so mean! He got diagnosed with Chrohns disease when he was about 12 and I remember feeling really jealous of the attention he got, he was in hospital for a long time and had numerous surgeries I shouldn't of felt jealous and I can't explain why I did. Now we are very close, he's a brilliant uncle to my son and we've often had the same friendship groups through school and at home which is nice. I've always got along well with his girlfriends and we go out for meals together and spend Xmas and birthdays together. I can't imagine life without him now and I'm glad that my parents attention is split, it'd be strange if they only had me to ring and visit etc.

After saying all that I'm not going to have anymore children, I feel guilty about that decision but I struggle with just one dc.

Juanbablo · 22/02/2019 21:20

I'm very glad. My brother is 2 years younger than me and we fought a lot growing up. But we are very close now. Our mum died when we were young and our dad was an alcoholic and recently died. We have dealt with it together and I'm so grateful for him.

Bangingdoors · 22/02/2019 21:20

Two brothers and two sisters here, closer to my sister's but I'm glad to have them all.

mrsk28 · 22/02/2019 21:23

Yes I'm glad, I'm one of three. I no longer speak to my parents so would feel I have no family if I had no siblings.

My brother and I are just over a year apart in age and my sister is 4 years younger so we grew up with similar interests etc and are close. I was a very shy child and would have been lonely on my own I think.

Didyeeaye · 22/02/2019 21:23

I was very close to my sister (2 years older) when we were kids but as teenagers sibling rivalry hit and she began resenting me to the point we barely speak now. Everything is a competition to her now and I cant stand being around her because of it.
That being said I'm glad of growing up with her and even now I know if I needed her she would be there.

glitterbiscuits · 22/02/2019 21:23

I hate being an only child. DH is an only child too. It's awful.

Happygolucky009 · 22/02/2019 21:24

Nope, my sibling is the person I trust least, dislike most and has wreaked havoc with my mental health. To be disliked by a sibling for simply being, is devastating and I am in no doubt that we will never ever be friends.

RiverTam · 22/02/2019 21:25

yes - but DD is an only (not through choice) and I am very happy with our family. She is very close to one of her cousins (and has lots of other cousins) and we make a big effort with her pals.

WorraLiberty · 22/02/2019 21:28

Youngest of 5 and yes very happy I have siblings. They've become more important as I've got older.

Also, my eldest DS was an only child until he was 7.5yrs old and I noticed a big change for the better in him, once his two younger siblings came along.

The 3 of them are quite different but get along really well and wouldn't be without one another.

Notonthestairs · 22/02/2019 21:28

Have another baby if you and your husband want another - but do it for you not your daughter. (If you do then don't worry about whether you will love that child enough/as much - the heart expands Grin).

I wasn't close to my brother until we hit our 20's but we are very close now.

My children are very close to their cousins even though we live hours apart - maybe the relationships you want for her can be from offered elsewhere in your family and friends?

Shockers · 22/02/2019 21:29

I have three children OP. I’m so glad my DD, who has additional needs, has her two brothers.

I have two siblings I grew up with too, plus an unexpected brother from my birth father. I love them all dearly.

Since my Mum died last October, I am more grateful than ever for my siblings.

Mykingdomforanickname · 22/02/2019 21:30

Yes, I am very definitely glad I have my sister. The age gap between us is just under two years.

Accountant222 · 22/02/2019 21:30

I'm the eldest child of four, so glad I have them. I have an only child not through choice, secondary infertility, sometimes it's how the cookie crumbles.

VoyageInTheDark · 22/02/2019 21:31

Not close to my brother at all but I still feel pressure to give DD a sibling because she has no cousins and I don't want her to feel alone. Even without getting on with my brother I still feel there were benefits to having that dynamic, I feel like I would've been even more socially awkward as an only child than I already am.

Awrite · 22/02/2019 21:32

Extremely glad. I am one of four.

However, my closest sibling died in his early 30's and I'll never get over it. I miss him terribly.

I often tell my children that they are lucky to have each other. It makes my heart sing when I catch little kindnesses between them. Or when they laugh so hard, it's catching.

Bigonesmallone3 · 22/02/2019 21:33

I'm one of 6 and I love having siblings, especially my sisters now we are all grown up and having children.
Which means cousins for my children that we see minimum once a week usually more..

bibbitybobbityyhat · 22/02/2019 21:37

I've got 4. Am not particularly close to any of them but am very glad to know they are there in the background.

Adeste · 22/02/2019 21:37

I’m very glad I have my siblings even though we’ve had ups and downs throughout the years. It’s a very different bond than any other. They know parts of me and my history that no one else knows and they understand things about the past because they were there too.

My dc are best friends and mortal enemies and who knows how it will pan out in the future.

RelaisBlu · 22/02/2019 21:39

I notice 2 PPs have already mentioned an older sister who belittled them - that was my experience too

My younger brother is a good-natured person but I don't feel I know him very well because when we grew up we both went to work overseas in different countries and although we're both back in the UK now we only see each other once or twice a year

ILiveForNachos · 22/02/2019 21:40

DH and I are both only children. Neither of us wanted siblings until we got a lot older and looking after parent and parents dying became so hard to do alone. We’d now love some siblings to share stuff with and not be so lonely once our parents have gone. As a result we’ve decided to have two children and are hoping for the best!

Like you, we worried about the impact on our first but want her to have (well both of them) to have a sibling that hopefully means they’ll be less alone (hopefully) through life’s big things if we are not around.

Echobelly · 22/02/2019 21:41

Absolutely I'm glad... and I think kids with health problems cope just fine with siblings not having them. I was the youngest of 3 and the only one with a congenital health issue but it never even crossed my mind to think about my bro and sis not having similar.

And honestly, you can find room to love more than one, really!

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