I can offer you solutions to all your problems *Title edited by MNHQ at OP's request*

[pineapplebryanbrown]

Do you have a problem? Bring it to Thighland and we will solve it for you.

After we have solved your problem we will nurse you back to full health and change your life for the better.....forever

Getting are you roaring drunk? I can think of no other explanation for your treachery.

I slink away, injured. Too seek the ministrations of a bottle of gin and a Fuckboy. I had indeed forsworn them but my tears have blinded me........

They have been walking for days and thus they are tired and in need of water. They haven't been without water the entire time.

But Reagan why had they been walking for days? Has nobody been to see them? Were they lonely?

Thigh - maybe I can offer a diversion from these recent unsettling developments.

I am drawing deeply on my inner thigh ness ( not my RL Inner thighs, they are unfashionably hirsute of course due to years of personal ungrooming and no fuckboys) but I have a dilemma.

There are a number of jobs of a practical nature that must be done at the House of Grinchly. I have a tame Man O' Jobs I pay to do these for me while I have a rest, but I cannot be arsed to ring him up.

What should I do? I have lots to eat , double stickered from M&S, and a quantity of artisan cider to replace my five a day.

I forgot to take them back to the river and I think they got lost. Found them in the middle of town, stealing plastic sheeting from sofa delivery drivers.

Haunted mannequins are preprogrammed with a few basic duties (going to the shops for monster munch, passing you the remote) and phrases (“75 packets of monster munch please, shopkeeper”). Are they becoming sentient, like in Humans, or that one with Will Smith in? It’s fucking ANARCHY.

Getting and thigh you must make up.

It's teamwork that makes the dreamwork and other shizz.

I feel duty bound to also offer a distraction with a genuwine problem:

My favourite person in the house is Triangle the angelfish, his tank has algae and I can't be arsed cleaning it out. So do I

1. Lay about all weekend and observe the Thighway.

1. Clean him out tomorrow then do the above for the rest of the weekend.

I do hope this problem can unite us all together again!!

Oh Grinchly I'd be delighted to help you solve your terrible troubles. Do these "jobs" really need to be done? What, more importantly who, are you doing them for?

Grinchly i know you adhere strictly to the no guests rule. Has your house become dangerous? Or have you simply looked at a wall and decided it needs to be decorated more fancily? If so, stop, it's unThigh to do that which is unnecessary.

Reagan oh thank Thigh you found them, poor stupid Fuckboys. They would have gathered sheeting forever, unbidden and unwanted, like the poor pretty, thick fools they are.

Dangly this pains me for you know that i have invented the No Movement Movement - you must clean the tank. There may come a day when Luaa decides to stop being a vegan and fancies a nibble of Angel Fish. You will stand by.

Well, only one is urgent as it involves water cascading down my house with the force of a thousand pissing fuckboys, every time my neighbour pulls the plug in her bath. Unfortunately yes, it is my responsibility ( urgh what a nasty word) to sort.

The others are minor jobs really, like restocking the plastic sheeting and power washing the pigs' enclosure. And a bit of grouting.I roll them up into a tempting bundle to make it worth the Man O Jobs getting up off his own sofa.

We must minister to our pets Dangly. Even Hitler was a dog lover with his dear little dog, Blondi.

Debbie Harry fashioned herself after her.

I should explain, the fuckboys are pissing externally rather than internally
Fully with you on the decoration. Oh no, Man O Jobs will only called in to repaint any wall of mine if I decide to move. Which I never will, obvs, so safe there.

Blondi

Grinchly yes, i see. Cascading Fuckboy piss appeals to so few of us. For those who lean that way, a yellow handkerchief, in the back trouser pocket is the signal. Found out for a friend.

Does this man o work live nearby? Can you give him a come hither whistle?

He does indeed, Thigh! Maybe a whistle will do the trick with the Man O Work
I shall report back. Tomorrow though.

Yes ok thank you, thigh, I'll lay off the wine tomorrow morning and get it done!

And I'll still have another 23.5 hours of the day left for doing shizz all! Everyone's a winner!

Grinchly i have the solution! As the problem only presents when your neighbour pulls the plug in her bath you needn't fix the plumbing. Fix the neighbour, it was staring me in the face all along.

Genius, pure genius Thigh!

GETTING! i feel that you are at the river drinking pornstar martinis with Fuckboys. Upon your return i shall prepare myself to forgive you and you will drink the Kool Aid.

Don't worry cadre, i know Getting will come back to my side.

Dangly just one moment please? Why are you going to lay off the wine? Can't you clean this tank whilst drunk? Is it deep?

Oh Goodness Gracious I honestly never thought of doing it drunk! That could be more fun! I'll just carry on as usual then!

Good grief I do need Thighland to keep me on the straight and narrow!

Dangly Good grief and Thighs to Betsy! Don't sober up, the world is not enough.