I can offer you solutions to all your problems *Title edited by MNHQ at OP's request*

[pineapplebryanbrown]

Do you have a problem? Bring it to Thighland and we will solve it for you.

After we have solved your problem we will nurse you back to full health and change your life for the better.....forever

Oh Thigh our great and glorious leader! It's a masterpiece. I'll order a print run of two million

I do like your idea of "Sorry You Spawned a Dark Lord" Getting.

There's also "Sorry Your Cat's A Bastard"

I feel too many of our cards begin with apologies. How about "Well done on freeing yourself from Fuckboys who were planning to sell you"?

Yeah but like 'Sorry your cat's a BASTARD'

"Congratulations on the purchase of your house with an integral garage"

Yes 'Congrats on your Threedom from Thuckboys'

Glad to heareth of your new Piggy Pets!!

Much better Dangly. Short and to the point

Is there a market for it though?

It's niche, Thigh

Nitch as Paula Abdul would say.

Paula Abdul danced with a cat. Her opinion doesn't come into this

Then there's your more generic cards

Anyway, I have the solution to the lack of artist problem.

We make one card. we put a frowney face on it.

It says "Sorry your is a BASTARD" (fill in the gap)

Mass produce

Suitable for giving to your manager or just some rando.

sobbing
Is it the hair, Thigh? Would it help if I dyed it purple?

Yes, yes it would. Thank fuck and all that is Thigh you received my subliminal message.

Dye your mane purple, I had you confused with Elsa when we rode through the Giant Queue.

I have a question.

Where in the Thigh is Laska, BHS and Smother?

Why have they left us?

BHS has vital language skillz, Albanian and Estonian.

She was pivotal in Laska's rescue. Have they run away together?

Should've gone to Specsavers, Thigh

Thanks guys....you're all making me want to get the pencils out . Alas....I'm trying to console the mil. No equipment for art and probs inappropriate to ask under circs....! I'm just gonna get pissed instead. It happens to also be the day of my birth. They put Prosecco in the fridge....about 3pm....I'm starting to fidget. They've clearly forgotten. I don't feel I can go help myself really....conundrum!
How to get the Prosecco without just going to get the Prosecco.....

WHO put this shizz on my table?

Hellen I have a solution. Go get the prosecco to offer it around. You could open it in the kitchen and drink most of the bottle before bringing it to share.

Thereby generous, but not insane.

Yes, and if an opening phrase is needed, it’s surely totally appropriate to point out that you need and drink and you’re sure everyone else does.

BHS may be reeling from the Archers - the every day tale of country folk rather than the drink that you keep mentioning and getting me all confused.