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Original poster

I can offer you solutions to all your problems *Title edited by MNHQ at OP's request*

999 replies

pineapplebryanbrown · 21/02/2019 18:07

Do you have a problem? Bring it to Thighland and we will solve it for you.

After we have solved your problem we will nurse you back to full health and change your life for the better.....forever

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Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 25/02/2019 09:32

ProjectGainsborough The Dark Lord in Training sleeps? This surprises me, he seemed so energetic. Equally though, he appears unfettered by uncertainty so possibly sleeps deeply and well. I felt that he had a strong force within him, one to be admired if not so, so dark.

Is there a Cadbury's Christmas Decoration wrapper in the footwell of your car? If so, I'd like it back please, I haven't had a chance to lick it yet.

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MysticReg · 25/02/2019 09:33

Also I’m off to Aldi for knock-off Archers and cheap gin. Any requests? Am hoping for haunted wax in the Aisle of Weird, otherwise I’ll have to make my own. And we all know that means I need a sacrifice .

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 25/02/2019 09:34

ProjectGainsborough will Barry the Slanket be hosting all your meetings from this point forth? I wonder what his initiatives will be.

I would take order from a slanket, in fact I already do.

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pineapplebryanbrown · 25/02/2019 09:36

TeaforTwoBiscuitOrThree who are you? Are you new to Thighland? Have you been on a Diet Coke break all this time?

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pineapplebryanbrown · 25/02/2019 09:41

MarthasGinYard oh Martha, no matter. Did you go to AIBU? Are you OK? People on there are fighting over a woman tricking her "husband" into thinking she made a cake rather than bought it.

She is being called dishonest, I admired her deceit and told her to lick off the icing before presenting it. I was ignored....

Why though would she not eat the cake all to herself then throw the "cakeboard" (ffs) at his head as he comes home from work? I don't think I can leave Thighland now, I don't understand all the rules out there.

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Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 25/02/2019 09:44

thislido I also am confused re the line between deity/management. I feel though that it is Thighland who manages me rather than the other way around.

I began this journey as a kindly non medically trained internet nurse, a keyboard healer if you will.

Thighland happened to me by metamorphosis and shizz.

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pineapplebryanbrown · 25/02/2019 09:45

It is a vocation like being a nun or a veterinary surgeon.

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pineapplebryanbrown · 25/02/2019 09:51

DanglyTassles oh my dear sweet Dangl I'm glad you have revealeded that I must not be bound by employment rights and shizz. I sometimes weep into my slanket wondering if those who follow my teachings are being bossed around. But no, I am only revealing their own inner Thigh to them.

In this cruel world, women often lose sight of their Thigh and feel compelled to do shizz and minister to others for whom they are civilly and criminally (in the case of Project) responsible. This, as you know, is wrong. We tend only to ourselves.

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pineapplebryanbrown · 25/02/2019 09:55

Cat thank you for guarding Thighland through the night, you kept us all alive at this time of great, great danger.

After Getting and I rode on a magical and majestic lion through the stars I returned to my panic room and slept soundly.

Getting and I sang many, many karaoke renditions of "A Whole New World" together. I was Aladdin.

Milk levels are undisturbed, though the sun does shine.

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pineapplebryanbrown · 25/02/2019 09:57

Reginald it is never "too late" or indeed "too early" for a Haka Doble, anything that can be performed in a slanket can be done at any time of the day or night.

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Kleptronic · 25/02/2019 10:44

The sun does shine thigh and I thank and praise you for it.

Sadly my arse is besmirched by the wretched kale I so foolishly consumed yesterday. It went straight through. What can I do about this problem, oh gracious thigh? I cannot take to the vodka again, it sets a bad example to my own Dark Lord In Training.

I also have to decide and act upon grownup shizz and I am terribly afraid. Oh citizens of Thighland, eat chocolate for me.

My slanket keeps trying to kill me, it is a static generator of fierce intensity. I fear Thighland is rejecting me...

Gettingnowhere · 25/02/2019 13:09

Whoa... Klepto hold your horses there! You've gone from coma to 100mph in less than 60 seconds. Calm down with the dethibrilator Danga mate

Gettingnowhere · 25/02/2019 13:24

Ok Kleptro.

Stay sitting on the toilet. I assume you are there already. Open the door wide so you can still see the TV. This also serves to dissipate the smell and ward off "visitors". Don't move for the rest of the day. If your Dark Lord intrudes, throw it chocolate buttons to distract it.

Don't do grown up shizz. Stay sitting down. Explain the kale situation to any "managers" who try to get you to do stuff. Waft the kale smell their way.

I doubt your slanket is trying to kill you. They are our threinds. Does the slanket have an email address and access to a computer? They tend to get agitated if they don't write at least one offensive email per day.

DanglyTassles · 25/02/2019 15:57

Sorry to hear about your bad arse Klepto Sad

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 25/02/2019 15:58

Kleptronic what possessed you to eat kale in the first place. Of course you're ill, our bodies are temples. Temples which demand tasty snax. Your blanket could well be giving you a little chastisement, but this is borne from love ❤

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pineapplebryanbrown · 25/02/2019 16:00

Yes Kleptro really Dangly summed it up beautifully there.

Sorry about your bad arse

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pineapplebryanbrown · 25/02/2019 16:03

Kleptro what is this "grown up shizz" you feel compelled to do? My rule of thumb is - is it fun? No?

Lie down, have a snack then a nap.

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Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 25/02/2019 16:06

I too had a slanket based fear today.

Due to this glorious weather (you're welcome) will we get hot?

Is there a summer weight slanket? I've thrown everything else away.

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Gettingnowhere · 25/02/2019 16:24

I think Clinton's should make "Sorry about your bad arse" cards

thislido · 25/02/2019 16:34

I was hoping we could just lounge naked in good weather. But maybe we need a crumb shield?

Luaa · 25/02/2019 16:34

No getting we should make them, don't let Clinton take our ideas. we can fund our thighnation with our card sales

Gettingnowhere · 25/02/2019 16:47

Oooh I like your thinking, This and Luaa

DanglyTassles · 25/02/2019 16:50

I feel very honoured that you think my sentiments to dear Klept are cardworthy!

Oh what a thrill if I were to see a card on sale with 'Sorry about you bad arse' within it's folds!

thigh can we please put out a range of cards?

We will need some other touching sentiments as well as kind words about people's arse conditions of course but you and I know that these are the thright people for the job!

Gettingnowhere · 25/02/2019 16:52

This is brilliant! It's a shame we missed Valentine's Day. I would love to see a "Will you cane my cherries" card

Gettingnowhere · 25/02/2019 16:54

I know it's a bit anti-Thigh, as it may lead to "relationship" and "weddings" and "husbands", bit it would delight me