I can offer you solutions to all your problems *Title edited by MNHQ at OP's request*

[pineapplebryanbrown]

Do you have a problem? Bring it to Thighland and we will solve it for you.

After we have solved your problem we will nurse you back to full health and change your life for the better.....forever

Wow. I am deeply honoured Your Thighness. Thank you. I am laying down, drinking a coffee brought to me by my "husband". I will endeavour to smile & nod tomorrow - I may even deploy your Krispy Kreme scheme at some point soon.

Please accept a 4-pt bottle of as a token of my appreciation

I'm slightly concerned about the firmness of my inner thigh though...

Witty have you been "exercising"?

Witty never be concerned about firmness, size or quality of any part of you. It is against Rule number 3 of Thighlore.

Witty thigh was speaking metaphorically about the firmness of your inner thigh was all.

You're all good, and just perthect as you are.

Thank you Thigh. I'm not against husband disposal if his weekend behaviour doesn't improve. But for now I am following your advice, laying down whilst he deals with the children.

Thank you for your sage advice. Sadly, I was unable to read it before the party as I was compelled to do many pointless tasks, like carving carrot sticks and chopping celery for houmous. I have not laid down all day and am still feeding the baby as she is not yet asleep! The kitchen is still a mess yet the urge to lie down is strong.

I was going to explain Dangly the only time you should ever be concerned about the firmness of an inner thigh is when it is due to excessive exercise, which may lead to injury. Even though injury leads to lying down, it is painful and encourages "well-meaning guests", which are by far the worst sort

Update: the baby has detached herself from my nipple. I hastily passed her to DH and am now lying down on the sofa (the bed is full of clothes from the mad sartorial panic of this morning). Thank God.

Right, where's Laska? We have another hummus/humous/houmus/however the fuck you spell it tastes the same EMERGENCY!

Getting I could not agree with you more, 'firmness of inner thigh' is not to be sought after, not to be mistaken for 'firmness of inner thigh ' which is of course a state of consciousness to be attained through the practice of thighlore.

I haven't disappeared Dangly my visa never got approved so I've been lurking mournfully.

Kleptronic < leaps for joy, but speedily lies back down >

Hello dear, are you drunk?

thigh will be along soon with her verdicteth I'm sure!

Oh no, that's not it, I remember now!! You have to do a bit more courtseying and bowing low and renounce any sort of managerial insanity that is attached to your aura and also compliment thigh on her excellent services for all of thighkind and throw yourself upon her mercy and then you application should be complete for review.

And offer snacks and vodka again!

Then you should be ok! That is how other managers have been alloweth in.

Kleptronic not being in a coma this time might be a good idea

Getting I have a dethibrillator here if she slips under again!

Hello Green Getting! I am Not Drunk Today so the only comas will be rapturous contemplations of the greatness of Her Thighness' wisdom.

Hello Kryptonite Kleptronic!

Kleptronic my dear, Elsa has sniffed your inner Thigh and sees great promise in you. Your reverence is very poor but my dear friend Dangly is very excited by your potential dipsomania.

Bangs gavel. Visa approved!!!!!

Reagan my war chest stands open ready to receive the proceeds from the successful auction of the micro human for which you are responsible.

Must my lid continue to gape?

Er, have i missed something? Who had fucking hummus?

Step forward and explain yourself.

Luaa you may eat hummus and even marmite, but not vegemite for that would be......antipodean

Yaaaaay thank you o gracious and benevolent thigh, I will try in earnest to up my reverence. I can lie down at championship levels though, so I will serve Thighland more than adequately in that area.

Dangly I only have orange pekoe tea and crispy kale today, as penance for my two day bender, but I will share it with you should you be dehydrated and/or keen on horrible snacks.

Thigh may I remind you that our National War Dance is half-antipodean even though I offered you a perfectly reasonable (if energetic) British alternative?

thigh I appreciate the permission to eat hummus and reassure you that I would never even eat marmite, let alone vegemite. Which by the way, my phone keeps trying to auto correct to vegan ice, for I am much more likely to be found eating vegan ice cream and other junk food than anything that might be considered nutritional.

Come on, Aussie experts! I'm outnumbered here. So where the bloody hell are you?

Klept I am touched by the kind offer of such a horrible snack but will decline if you don't mind due to being stuffed full with Monster Munch, I seem to have had an appetite for them today and have eaten a job lot of Roast Beef. Not sure why, must be my thoremones.