I can offer you solutions to all your problems *Title edited by MNHQ at OP's request*

[pineapplebryanbrown]

Do you have a problem? Bring it to Thighland and we will solve it for you.

After we have solved your problem we will nurse you back to full health and change your life for the better.....forever

Dangly arise, i fondle your lustrous and loyal mane. I treasure you and will not punish you ❤

Foggy i see you are wise to have internalised the lying down mantra. Should you wish to lay in the carnal sense with this. "man" you may do so. However should you be in danger of having your heart broked you must cease all contact.

Do you have micro humans for which you are legally responsible?

Foggy this man sounds like a freedom fighter, but rather than fighting for the Nation of Thigh he fights only for himself. He wishes to nibble your cherries 🍒 without providing fertiliser or cane supports.

If he was a huge hose, be warned, it is probably fake and you will find a mere vegan chipolata in it's place.

^^has a huge hose

Foggy, congratulations on lying down. Next time this "man" enters your domain let out a loud "ROOAARRRR" and start singing "Born Free". His reaction will tell you all you need to know.

Throw dog shit (i can post you some) at his friendship. You don't need him, you have entered Thighland and all who sail in her are your sisters.

Thigh.. I am responsible for a micro human who keeps getting bigger. He is however not the result of lying down with flakey man. A prior indiscretion of accidentally shacking myself to an inferior male for several years. I did however hear Elsa's roar and I have been freely roaming without said subhuman for some years now, eating crisps wherever and whenever I can.

Oh Thigh... Luckily my dog has the shits. We have an abundance of runny shit to fling. Thank you oh Wise one.

Foggy i see the force is strong in you. Perhaps firm up the dog shit before handling though.

It is sunny and i hear the clarion call of Ra the sun god. I must consult re the weather i am ordering for Thighland.

Reporting in o great @thigh. Everyone here is lying down. I've taken some choc to bed and am also lying down.

The choc is gone now. It was yummy.

foggy
If Thigh will grant me leave to speak......I will say let "flakey man" sup of his own medicine. Also examine how his map of "friendship" matches the ways of your actual she-friends.

Oh thigh, I have only been here since the very beginning of the previous (banished to classics thread) but I did not feel worthy to be anything but silent in admiration. The th'reat to Elsa was too great to ignore.

I am unworthy for being a manager, having a "husband", and producing - at great inconvenience - two small sprogs. I also have a cat. I heartily agree with the way of thigh and am trying to lay down and eat monster munch at every opportunity.

I offer myself to the th'isterhood in hope
Please accept this gin, and milk for Elsa as an offering.

I shall hum Born Free for the rest of the day.

Your Thighness I am humbled by the generosity of your thorgiveness and will always remaineth your loyal thervant.

Foggy if you do have theelings for this thlakey man, they are being heartlessly thlung in your thace. I will not stand for it (but I will take it lying down, of course, as that is my usual position now)

My advice would be - do not lie down with this cad again, and maybe ask MrsCat if you can borrow BASTARD cat to tear him a new arseholeth.

I theel very crosseth for you!! (without exerting myself too much naturally)

Foggy there has been good advice but I think you had the answer within you. You have spotted that he is only interested when you pretend not to be. It doesnt matter whether it’s ridiculous or not, it just won’t ever be fun. Save yourself the trouble of later having to smother him with your thighs or, worse, falling into converting him into a “husband” and then having to kill and dispose of him.

Thank you all for taking your helpful replies re BASTARD cat, sorry for the late response not TBH, I CBA.

I plan to banish both BASTARD cat and MrCat to the cellar and train up a Fuckboy to minister yo my - ahem - these, of course, being continuous supply of Gin and cheesy snacks.

Don't worry, I'm highly aware of the dangers but will use their memory span of a goldfish to my advantage; I will promise the chosen one a 'Surprise' every 6 hours. I calculate that the optimum time to have them quivering in anticipation and exciting before hitting maximum brain capacity and rapidly descending into normal state of 'mindlessness' and repeat.

I will also take on Getting''s advice and name change, when I CBA.

I would gift BASTARD cat to Elsa but am afraid he'd eat her and I would be a pariah in the Eden that is Thighland and be exiled forever.

Foggy the chorus is unanimous, consign this unworthy cherry 🍒 disturber. He is a lunatic, in a bad way, i hate him. Give him no quarter in your inner Thigh, he deserves nothing.

Tis a kindness really, one he does not deserve. As thislido correctly intuits you would be back here for our murder manual before you can say "who ate all my juicy cherries".

Apologies for multiple grammar and other errors in above post but you get the picture. Just realised why CBA today, forgot to plug in my Gin I.V whilst I took a nap i.e the whole of today and was almost (whispers) sober . . .

Oh thigh and thisters. I had a lie in the morning, but since then have had no chance to lay down at all as I have taken the children out. MrLuaa, who you may remember spent a day in bed with a hangover last weekend, has spent all of this weekend in bed with a tummy bug.

Would I be unreasonable to go to bed with drinks and snack as soon as I get home and leave him to handle the children? I worry I have spent a dangerously small amount of time laying down this weekend.

Witty along the Thighway i too have learned not to be too prescriptive. There are other "managers" amongst the sisterhood. There are others who have "husbands" both past(s) and current and micro humans for whom we are both civilly and criminally liable.

Indeed project's boy child is in training to be The Dark Lord, she has confessed this.

As i consider your humble application i say to myself does this asylum seeker have a firm inner Thigh?

I feel that you have.

Bangs gavel. Visa approved!!!

Luaa your "husband" is feeble and a sissy. He must be punished for leaving you to mop up the spawn he created on not one but two weekends.

Personally i would dispose of him using integral garage / plastic sheeting method. However I know you are a gentle soul so i feel you should most definitely lie down.

If your feeble "husband" protests well, i believe he gave you his "tummy bug" didn't he? What a sissy.

Hurrah for us having Witty within our thold!

Remember my new drunken thriend from upthread? She hath dithappeared!! Maybe she was drunk!

Don't worry Dangly, I'm sure you'll find other drunken thriends in Thighland. Just stay lying down and don't invite them over

Thanks Getting I will not welcome anyone in I promise, do not want any witnesses to my lifestyle of debauchery.