I can offer you solutions to all your problems *Title edited by MNHQ at OP's request*

[pineapplebryanbrown]

Do you have a problem? Bring it to Thighland and we will solve it for you.

After we have solved your problem we will nurse you back to full health and change your life for the better.....forever

Yes Reg, your mannequins are revolting. All mannequins are.

"Born free, free as the grass grows..."

Hellen I'm so glad your back and all lied down and drawing your weapon to protect our leader an shizz, I have a pressing query on a point of th'law.

Would you be able to tell me if it is a crime if an imposter of Luaa eats my Angelfish? Also is it a crime to cosh imposter over head?

I can't do time, I'm too busy doing nothing.

Reg I haven't activated mine yet but I don't think i will now, I've left it in a circle of buttons to keep it contained in case it wakes up.

A rousing chorus of our national anthem will soothe the savage beasts. I can broadcast it directly into their shell likes.

Dangly may I recommend a Monty Python style "Fish Slapping Dance"?

Reg you may indeed. Always open to suggestions, and a very fetching Galliard it does look to be.

Also always saw myself on strictly rocking a mean 'Pase Doble' but my hands are like paddles and posture wooden as a board.

Also would get very tired/hungry dancing and all that so sadly cannot indulge.

What? I went to lie down for a few days and I return to find the old thread full and this one at 10 pages already. I have a lot of reading to do. This is very tiring.

I need a nap

Welcome back, Project. Don't be afraid. You are experiencing the awesome power of Thigh.

Dancing goes against rules of Thigh, unless outside?

However, we could all do the hand jive (not a euphemism) lying down. If we did one handed (not a euphemism) other hand would be free to imbibe Gin / Wine / snacks.

MrsCat has it!!

You're right Dangly and MrsCat. I must not attempt to bend the rules of Thighland for my own amusement. We must all stay lying down at all costs.

RRRROOOOOAAAAARRRRR

I am safe once more.

Cat i applaud your skillz as a nightwatchman. I slept soundly and well and my power is restored.

Reginald the potatoes and buttons makes sense now. You must have sent me a subliminal message re this as i used chips to protect myself.

I have a thumumdrum.

I had 12 litres of milk delivered on Thursday. Now there are 7, i know because I've counted them.

I've had at a generous estimate 1 litre to myself which means Elsa has had 4.

If it carries on like this i will have to ask for housekeeping from her.

Project have you tricked some mug into buying your hovel yet?

If not i recommend you nuture your boy child's criminal tendencies. It will make him more interesting, for you. And the police 🚓

Luaa has clarified. She will never eat Triangle the Angel Fish, she is too busy eating vegan crème eggs. However, she might give it a gentle kiss 💋 without nibbling.

Dangly i understand re the paso doble. I have watched this dance on the television (from a supine position). The anger and repelling qualities appeal to me. I know i could do this dance if i could be arsed even with no training or elegance. Perhaps....no, i don't know....i feel a thrill arousing me from my sofa. Could this be our National Dance?

I know this is against the lore of Thigh but the protective and repellent qualities of such an aggressive dance?

I mean nobody has to do it but if they wanted to or were sufficiently drunk they could combine it with a rousing rendition of Born Free. Just to repel intruders.

It could be like that rugby dance, a war dance.

Getting you're Australian (no judgement) what's that rugby war cry called what Maoris do?

I know Maoris aren't from Australia - i don't care.

Thigh I can forgive your geographical insults if you can forgive my drunken behaviour. I'm so sorry about last night. I stood up. I went outside. I panicked.
The Maori war cry is the "Haka". But I think the Aussie war cry of "She'll be right!" would be more suited to Thighland

Getting I do apologise for calling you Reg earlier, it is because I am drunk.

Yes yes O-thighest I would very much like the Paso doble as our Th'national Dance!

Especially if we don't have to train or do it right like on Strictly (because my hands are like paddles and posture wooden as a board). If there are no th'rules and can just aggressively charge about I am very keen indeed!

Th'anks for giving this due considtheration.

OOOOH fabulous!! i just KNOW I can do a Rugby Haka already!!

Getting i forgive you, you have fought bravely in the formation of our great land. You had a touch of post battle PTSD which happens to many warriors.

Thank you oh gracious Thigh. And if you and Reg's small child could kindly organise the return of my haunted mannequin... I will surround him with buttons and name him "Poe" and use him as a TV stand so I never lose sight of him again

Dangly Thexactly, i feel a haka doble should be our national dance. Not compulsory and only when the force is very strong. No skillz required. Paddle like hands are an advantage as weapons and repellers.