Dh feeling a bit hurt, as his mum n dad Are going to the U.K. seaside for Xmas

[Lardlizard]

And won’t be coming here in Xmas day

I thjnk he feels a bit rejected and can’t jnderstand why they don’t go another time
( both retired)
And I think he feels a bit like they don’t give a shit about their grandchild’s as they are choosing to not spend Xmas with grandchildren

Would you be upset if your parents did this

And how to make dh feel bit better

Nope, just plan to celebrate with them another day just before or after.

They have had years of doing the family thing at Christmas. Having one to themselves isn't a big deal at all.

Personally I’d be thinking good on them.

But that comes from someone who doesn’t have Christmas Day with my parents and would secretly love to go away for Christmas.

I’d big up the way it’ll be nice to have a quiet pyjamary low key day, something restorative kind of thing.

It
Is
February

February 🙇🏻‍♀️

Look at it this way...in the future YOU get to make whatever Christmas plans you want, without having to consider what they want. Sounds good to me!

They just fancy a change. Turkey and Tinsel etc.

Be happy that your little family unit can have a go at doing Christmas your way. How exciting! You can rip open all the pressies before the Queens Speech! You can have lunch at tea time! Radical!

They aren't rejecting your DH.

He should be happy that his parents are doing what they want to at Christmas, they have just as much right to enjoy themselves. He sounds like a sulky child not an adult.

Unless there's a whole back story and they're useless parents and grandparents for the other 364 days of the year.

I actually had to stop and think about the date. I thought I'd lost a few months somewhere - it is February. We've only just had Christmas?

At least they've given him plenty of notice. We only see one grandparent, at most, on Christmas Day. It doesn't mean that they don't care, just that they have other plans or commitments.

Tell him to get a grip, he’s an adult ffs.

I think that's a bit odd of DH. His dps are getting to the age when they want to spread their wings and do what they want to do. They've spent all their lives putting their own wishes on the back burner and doing everything for their DC's benefit. It's their time now.

Tell them to take their fur swim suits. Don't think any seaside in the UK is suitable for sunbathing in December.

Well if that's what they want. They're is 365 days in a year we don't know how many days they see GC.
But GPs reap what they sow. If they don't show interest in their DGC when small they can't complain when DGC are teens who never visit.

Well, I think it will be lovely for the grandparents to have a relaxing Christmas, with someone else to do the planning, shopping and cooking. There might be entertainments or dancing laid on too. What a fab time they will have!

And your little family can have a fab time too, doing exactly what you want, when you want.
No need to follow any long established family traditions just because the grandparents expect it, you can branch out and do different things, be that a Chinese lunch, or eating all the foods that Grandpa would turn his nose up at.

This is your chance to have the best Christmas ever, and you've got ten months to organise it, so no excuses.

With the greatest of respect he needs to get a grip. His parents' works doesn't have to be ventured round their grandchildren. They've had their kids, done the family Christmas, put them first over everything, surely they are entitled to a seaside break?!

Jesus Christ Christmas just just been. Tell him to get a grip. It's up to them.

Has just *

I definitely see this from the other side, with my sibling and their older teenage children expecting to be waited on hand and foot by my parents who are well into their 70s and in not great health. My parents struggle to do the shopping and cooking and hosting both financially and physically and I’m of limited health as I work all over the festivities. My sibling has never once offered to help, invites themselves (they live abroad), never lifts a finger and they and their kids are very demanding. My Dad and I rarely even get a place to sit in the living room.

I’d be delighted if my parents got a chance to have a stress free Christmas and get to be waited on hand and foot for a change. They’d really deserve it.

Maybe your ILs do too?

They are only rejecting him if they don’t want to see him the other 364 days.
Christmas with children is lovely but full-on, and however welcoming you are, your house is not their house and they aren’t in control of things.
Maybe they prefer spending time with you at a less charged time of year and fancy long walks, post-prandial snoring and noisy, festive S&M bonking. Who knows.
Are they a bit rubbish in general?

We usually go away for xmas. Can’t bloody bear it.

It’s February!!!

I'm nearly 50. I spent my first Christmas away from my parents this year. They did their own thing for the first time in their lives :)
Sooner or later we all have to do Christmas without our parents. Best to do it while they're alive and happy.

Has he actually said he's upset OP, or is this just what you think or feel? It is coming across slightly as you being more upset about it than he is. Where you spend Christmas is no indication of how you feel about your grandchildren and that's quite an odd thing to say about the situation IMO - more like you don't think they care enough about the grandchildren and are looking for signs!

Perhaps they just want a change and it's nothing personal, or they would prefer a quieter Christmas. You are taking this very personally, hence the comments from other posters. On what you've said so far, it's not about you but you are viewing it that way and ignoring your in-laws feelings.

Erm. Assuming that they see their grandkids at other times of the year I genuinely don’t see the problem. Let them live their lives.

I'm guessing that Christmas bookings, whether at the seaside or elsewhere, need to be made months ahead and that's why the plan has been made so early?

There's a lot to be said for mixing it up a bit and not doing the same thing every year - as PP have mentioned, the expectation that the same family members spend Christmas together can become a bit of a millstone and even more so if it's always the same family members who are hosting . It doesn't signify any animosity to opt out of the routine. Take the opportunity to plan a different sort of Christmas for yourselves, OP.

There's this thing called a grip, suggest he gets one!

It’s February. Who can get bothered about Xmas so far in advance

Plenty of fishing to be done at the beach 🎣