Dh feeling a bit hurt, as his mum n dad Are going to the U.K. seaside for Xmas

[Lardlizard]

And won’t be coming here in Xmas day

I thjnk he feels a bit rejected and can’t jnderstand why they don’t go another time
( both retired)
And I think he feels a bit like they don’t give a shit about their grandchild’s as they are choosing to not spend Xmas with grandchildren

Would you be upset if your parents did this

My parents did this at Xmas just past, and I can see where your DH is coming from as I’m also an only child with few relatives. I totally understand that they are free to do as they please, but it hurt a little none the less, especially when there were my in-laws around and none of my own family. As an only child, I have always felt an unspoken pressure to always be there at Xmas etc for MY parents when I was younger so it feels a bit hypocritical that they are doing what would have displeased them if it was the other way round.

Maybe theyve wanted a christmas alone for years and never managed it for one reason or another.

I suspect they are going away because their DIL is bloody hard work and whiny.

Thai have openly admitted they can’t stand dh gran and that she does their head in
And that they can’t stand being around her, yes she is demanding, she expect to be the center of attention a lot
But she is 91, will be 92 at Xmas
So it’s mainky that reason I think

Think dh accepts they are not interested amd they don’t relaly bother with their grandchildren
He said that if he was a grandparent he would want to spend time with his grandchildren so he finds it hard to understand them
But he’s used to the general lack of interest
Could be the only child factor kicking in too as not really any other family on his side

In their defence they will have been dealing with your husband's gran for longer than you have and may feel they need a break

I assume they have to spend time with DH's gran at other times of the year as well.

There are many families on here who put up with GPs and other relatives who are demanding at Christmas and come on here to vent or ask how to work out how they can avoid their Christmases being ruined in the future. Many families like the small family unit Christmas and then see GPs on other days over Christmas. Obviously there are other families who love the big family Christmas.

Is it possible DH's parents have had over 40/50 years of Christmas with the demanding nan, and want a break?

GP's r eap what they sow

Okaaaay. I can only assume that this is the OP's husband.

Yes I do get, that theyve had enough of her

Somethingsmellsnice, she isn’t
whigning. She is asking for her husband as he’s the one that’s upset.

Yikes!

Give your in laws a break, every other year with the grandchildren is fine.

But GPs reap what they sow. If they don't show interest in their DGC when small they can't complain when DGC are teens who never visit.

How on earth does GPs wanting to go away for one Christmas translate into them not showing an interest?

His parents are doing fuck all wrong. He's an adult and can manage one Christmas without them.

He says he'd want to spend time with his grandchildren? He should also be prepared for them to want to do their own thing at christmas too. Like would he be upset if his adult children took their children on holiday for Christmas too?

If they are usually committed gp then why worry. You have plenty of time to organise a party/invite other relatives. It is only one day if the year.

I have just seen your update. So the issue isn’t Christmas. The issue is that they are not very interested in their GC at all or dp for that matter. He feels this deeply as he is an only child.

Time to put a lot less emphasis on extended family and much more on friends and his own family unit. Time to cut the umbilical cord.
Your dh perhaps needs to foster some independence. If they don’t put the effort in then you certainly don’t need to any longer. I suggest you start seeing them on your own terms.

I'll stand by my statement GP's reap what they sow.

These two really do sound delightful. Happy for the old Gran to go to an old folks dinner.
The day will come when she's no longer around and they are in the Old Grans shoes, old and not that fit.
You / your kids might want to do something different at Christmas without the elderly GP's have no guilt they can go to an old folks dinner!

[You / your kids might want to do something different at Christmas without the elderly GP's have no guilt they can go to an old folks dinner!]

You are very black and white!
One step outside the box and you’re banished for life.

Heaven forbid someone might want to have one Christmas that's a bit different. It's supposed to be a pleasant holiday not a prison sentence

Have you thought about this

PIL are contually stuck with GP and her demanding ways and feel obliged to do Christmas etc with her and they’ve had enough

Now swap this round, they don’t want to be that burden to you and your husband so back away from his family unit as an opposite to GP interfering?

My mum does this with gran, she’s overbearing and interfering so tends to leave us and my siblings too it, she never criticizes or invited herself etc as she’s on the receiving end with GP

When your retired you can go on holiday at anytime So they are choosing to do it then

Oh my Lord I am so sick and tired of reading threads about the selfishness of anyone over 60 who happen to have adult children and grandchildren.

At this age we, the retired generation, have spent most of our life bringing up our children. We mostly have no problem with babysitting now and then, and we do like to see our families...BUT we have earned the bloody right to do what we want, when we want to do it, and without having to get permission from our ADULT offspring first, just so we can be sure it suits them.

Let me be clear here, not being full time child care does not make us selfish (not this thread I know, but it is said often on others like it). Not being available at all times in case we are needed to let in the gas man, fetch a child from school, provide company and housekeeping help to our grown up children, does not make us selfish. Not being prepared to ask if our holiday dates suit extended family does not make us selfish.

In short, after a lifetime of having to go to work, being retired means we can finally have some freedom to do what the hell we want to, when we want to. I am fortunate in that my adult children see things my way and encourage our "selfishness" - I feel so sorry for others who have relatives who are not as encouraging.

When your retired you can go on holiday at anytime

But even FT working people get annual leave, so it's not like Christmas is the only time in the year when family could get together. If the idea is that "But it's Christmas, which is a special time" - it's just as special for the GPs as for the younger generations, surely? Maybe they want to spend that special time of the year together at the seaside - not on a random week at another time in the year.

It's sad if they don't want to spend much time with their GC, and their attitude to the GM (his or her DM) does sound mean; but we don't know what she's like and what history they have between them. Some people have the idea that very old people are all sweet and innocent. A lot of them are lovely, but equally, there are plenty of really selfish, nasty and manipulative people around - and they don't magically become lovely through living for several more decades. OTOH, she may have been a lovely kind person her whole life and they're just very selfish or unpleasant themselves - we have no way of knowing.

Whilst most GPs are at least fond of their GC, and many want to be hands-on, a lot of people seem to forget the fact that they're their own people too, as well as GPs, and they don't always want the end of their lives to be solely dedicated to other people.

They put their own lives on hold when they had their own children (which they chose), but if they're now expected to do the same again, now they have grandchildren (which they didn't actively choose), given their age, there's no longer any option to 'put on hold' until the future. This is the latter part of their lives and they may or may not have a number more years left, but how many of them in good health and able to travel independently?