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Original poster

Dh feeling a bit hurt, as his mum n dad Are going to the U.K. seaside for Xmas

145 replies

Lardlizard · 17/02/2019 22:47

And won’t be coming here in Xmas day

I thjnk he feels a bit rejected and can’t jnderstand why they don’t go another time
( both retired)
And I think he feels a bit like they don’t give a shit about their grandchild’s as they are choosing to not spend Xmas with grandchildren

Would you be upset if your parents did this

OP posts:
PeterPiperPickedWrong · 18/02/2019 10:37

don’t get lumbered with gran and that she will have to go to one of those old folks Christmas dinners

They sound delightful Hmm

ciderhouserules · 18/02/2019 10:37

OP - my mum is 91 and although I have offered and asked for her to come for Christmas, she never has. She'd rather spend it alone. (and she doesn't go to 'one of those Old People's Christmas dinners'!)

I respect her choice and would not want to impose my Christmas on her. And I'd expect the same from my kids when they move away and have their own families.

SassitudeandSparkle · 18/02/2019 11:32

So it's nothing to do with Christmas really, it is because you are looking for evidence that they don't bother with you. You can always pick DH's gran up and bring her over on Christmas Day if you wish. This is more about your feelings by the sound of it, OP.

Ooplesandbanoonoos · 18/02/2019 11:39

Is anyone else secretly wishing their in-laws would do this Grin

SnuggyBuggy · 18/02/2019 11:41

It's better to do different things at Christmas than get stuck in a rut and resentful. We had my DGF every Christmas and honestly it was a mistake as my DM just got really stressed and fed up of waiting on him every year. Doing different things would have been better and made the times together better.

Tennesseewhiskey · 18/02/2019 11:42

When your retired you can go on holiday at anytime

When do they get to spend Christmas doing something, they want to as a couple?

Why do they HAVE to spend every christmas with you?

If you were than bothered about the 92 year old, or his parents you would have helped out with her before.

She doesn't have to be alone. Your husband can bring her, or go visit her together

TheFuckfaceWhisperer · 18/02/2019 11:53

At least he's got almost a years notice to get used to it...

MrsJayy · 18/02/2019 11:58

It seems like a great idea to me and I would love to bugger off for Christmas

Original poster
Lardlizard · 18/02/2019 12:13

We will go get his gran because we would hate for her to be alone at Christmas at 92 when she does have to be

I’ve accepted the fact they don’t bother
With their gc and they don’t seem to realise how lucky they are to have them

But I do feel bad for dh, esp as he has no siblings either so a very very small family

OP posts:
Aragog · 18/02/2019 12:15

Wouldn't bother me but we have never spent Christmas Day with parents.
We see them in Christmas Eve and Boxing Day usually, or if one of them are away we'd see them when they are around before and/or after.

CaptainMarvelDanvers · 18/02/2019 12:20

I know a couple who like to go to British seaside over Christmas. It’s usually Whitby or Scarborough.

They have Christmas themed sandwiches and go on a walk about. They say the area is usually empty and peaceful and they have the beach to themselves. No pressure on trying to create the “perfect” Christmas.

Sounds like bliss actually.

JRMisOdious · 18/02/2019 12:34

I love my family dearly, grandchildren would be wonderful in due course but after 25 years of being responsible for producing everyone’s ‘perfect’ day I’m looking forward so much to being able to say I’m going to the seaside with my husband if I want to! Our youngest is 16 now and on Boxing Day I put everyone on notice that they’re welcome as usual for Christmas dinner next December but unless they would like to cook it, both turkey and gammon for the fusspots, dad and I want a takeaway delivered from the delicious Indian up the road, which Ill happily serve on Christmas plates with crackers. Once our youngest is independent too, seaside, city break or river cruise here we come, if that’s what we feel like doing.
Your ILs have done their bit, they’re free to do precisely what they want at Christmas and you and your little family can make your own traditions. Lots of people would envy you, most have the opposite problem.

JRMisOdious · 18/02/2019 13:05

“When your retired you can go on holiday at anytime”

Apparently not, seems you must seek your family’s approval 😁

Contraceptionismyfriend · 18/02/2019 13:12

How often do they see you throughout the year?
Sounds like a bit of mix matched expectations.

SherlockSays · 18/02/2019 13:18

Most people would be glad that they get the day to themselves with immediate family.

SnuggyBuggy · 18/02/2019 13:24

I wish I could talk DH into this. Turkey and stuffing sandwich on the beach while wrapped up against the wind sounds awesome.

DaffydownClock · 18/02/2019 13:27

If he's that traumatised then perhaps you should ask to join them, poor lamb 😳🙄
Quite frankly I don't blame his DPs one bit! Sounds like a brilliant idea to me 😀

MrsJayy · 18/02/2019 13:33

There used to be a bus run from here that was full of pensioners going to Blackpool for Christmas a local couple organised it they would fall out off the pub onto the bus they were wild Grin

blueskiesovertheforest · 18/02/2019 15:32

Lardlizard Not nothing with their grandchild is an entirely separate issue to an adult sulking because his parents dare spend Christmas without him (and give him ten months notice)...

blueskiesovertheforest · 18/02/2019 15:33
  • bothering (not nothing)
Original poster
Lardlizard · 18/02/2019 15:46

He’s not sulking

OP posts:
MortyVicar · 18/02/2019 17:09

If the DPs come to your house at Christmas, and if it's the only time they show any interest in DH and your DCs, then I can understand his feelings.

If they're openly saying that they're doing it to avoid having to have gran they don't sound that pleasant. Add that to the way they seem to treat DH and they do come across as self centred.

Does DH find it difficult to accept their lack of interest in his and his family's life? Because he may have been using Christmas to tell himself that they do care really, otherwise they wouldn't come, and now he's had even that bit of comfort taken away and is having to face up to the fact that they don't care.

Drum2018 · 18/02/2019 17:20

They may have read The Life Changing Magic of Not Giving a Fuck. Fair play to them for choosing to do what they want and not what anyone else expects them to do. If you and Dh choose to invite gran then do it because you want to and because you enjoy her company, not because you think it will be expected of you.

RaiderOfTheKitchenCupboard · 18/02/2019 17:28

Would I be bothered if my parents/in laws did this? No, their lives don’t revolve around me or my kids. But they don’t live locally so spending Christmas with them involves either a long drive with our small kids in (usually) bad weather, or having them to stay for several days.

blueskiesovertheforest · 18/02/2019 18:13

I assume it's not the only time you see them Lardlizard as you wrote that the conversation about how DH felt after you got home (from their house?).

Is Christmas a red herring and you're actually bothered about feeling responsible for your grandmother in law and the level of involvement with your children year round?