Dd embarrassed to bring home new friends. Why? Because my dp is a woman

[Cosmoplease]

Hi,

So dp isn't new on the scene. We've been together for 6 years and are married.

The reason this has become an issue recently, is because in the past, dd has struggled to keep friendships going and we've very rarely had friends over from school. This isn't to say we didn't try everything we could to help, but her primary was very small and we were hoping that once she'd started high school, she'd have more chance of finding her people.....and she has!

We're obviously really happy about this, but unfortunately it's highlighted a worry of dd's. I had assumed that she'd been open about my relationship, but it seems that's not the case. She had been putting off taking the next step and actually inviting her new friends over and at first, I assumed it was because she was just generally nervous, as this was a new thing for her, but it all came out last night.

A friend is supposed to be coming over tonight, but she seemed in a very strange, anxious/rude mood. I asked her what the matter was and she completely broke down and said that she was really sorry, but she is worried about what people will think. I gave her a big hug and told her I wasn't upset with her and that I understand. Of course part of me was very hurt, but not for me, for her. I feel awful that she'd been worrying about it so much.

We have, in the past, spoken about how to deal with negative comments etc, so it's not like we've been naive. I understand that regardless of it being 2019, there will be some children who just haven't been exposed to relationships like ours in rl, but I'd like to think that that doesn't automatically mean dd will be teased because of it.

I told her that even if this girl is a little shocked initially, that doesn't mean that she has a problem with it. Just that it might be new to her.

I'd be lying if I didn't say I feel tremendous guilt though. I don't want her to have to carry this worry too. She already worries about not fitting it.

I keep hearing my mum's cutting words, when dp and I first got together (I wasn't out before then) "You can't be with xxx, it's not fair on dd. She'll be bullied". I should say, she now completely loves my dp, but it was tough in the beginning and it's just been brought back to the surface, with everything dd was saying.

So I'm just looking for a bit of advice please.

How would you handle this tricky situation. I resent it being one, but it is what it is.

TIA

Glad it went well and hopefully your daughter is no longer feeling anxious.

I can relate to your daughter a bit, I think it’s all about being both a teenager embarrassed by your family and worried with how you’re perceived, whereas in reality your friends don’t give a damn! In my case my dad was dead by high school, but when I first started making friends I never mentioned it as a) nothing kills a conversation quicker than saying your dad is dead b) I didn’t want anyone to ask questions and c) I don’t want to be known as the girl with the dead dad. So then it became really awkward and made me anxious as I knew I’d have to say something but when do you bring it up in conversation? It could be that it’s something similar for your daughter? It’s horrible being a teenager, but lovely that she could talk to you about her worries.

I honestly think that unless your DD's friend comes from a very conservative religious background that she won't bat an eyelid

I have just read a book with a group of teenage boys - 2 of the characters are gay- this passed without comment which is as it should be.

I’m so glad it went well.
I just wanted to reassure you that I think most parents and kids will be fine. Funnily enough my DD’s new friend just told her that her mum has a female DP and was obviously worried about what we’d all think. It’s no big deal to us; my (female) cousin has a wife and I told her so.
In my experience most people aren’t dicks about homosexuality these days.

All these pouter who seem to think everybody's is exposed to or accepting of same sex couples are unfortunately deluded. I live in large town and still have not met any same sex couples with children but plenty of people who make homophobic remarks even as casual banter.

I'm also confused. I live in a northern town with not a lot going on. DD2 recently told me she had a life plan for me that included marriage. When I informed her that her father had put me off men for life she just shrugged her shoulders and told me to marry a woman instead. And like another poster half of my girls' friends are gay, bi, trans, identifying as an alien teapot from the planet Mars. I'm more taken aback when they tell me they've a met a friend who is straight and whose biological sex matches their gender.