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Original poster

Had my baby today, feeling very low. I've made a mistake.

169 replies

MamaCrazy · 10/02/2019 01:27

I had my baby today, well yesterday as its now past midnight, at 14:32. I'm on maternity ward surrounded by other mums and babies yet I feel so lonely and so low. It all feels wrong somehow. I split with the dad early on in pregnancy, I text him to say she's here and all I got was "OK" he didn't ask anything about her. My mum was with me throughout the birth but had to go home just 2 hours after she was born because my brother needs 24 hour care and his carers were going home (he has care 8am to 5pm and my mum does the rest of the time).
Baby is asleep. She doesn't feel like she belongs to me though. Is that wrong? I feel detached. I've cuddled her and fed her because I have to not because I want to. I don't know what to do. Right now I wish I hadn't had her.

OP posts:

EleanorRigbey · 10/02/2019 09:51

Congratulations on the arrival of your daughter Edie! I’m another who didn’t experience the immediate rush of love for her newborn and I hated the first few weeks but my daughter who is now heading for 7 and I have a beautiful relationship now and I could burst with love just looking at her now.

Be kind to yourself, take it slow.

LilQuim · 10/02/2019 09:58

I just had to post when I saw this - my DS is almost 21 & I was so confused when I had him. 2 weeks early, induced, emergency C, dad not in picture since 5 months preg. I wasn't ready!!! I loved being preg, I loved "the idea" of a baby, then here was this tiny thing. I had never held a baby, let alone a newborn. I was terrified.

But when I got home to my flat, had my tv, my own food & drinks, and not feeling watched by everyone, I felt much better.

So glad you have your lovely mum there for you, and do get friends to pop round. Let them do your dishes, bring food, whatever they offer say "YES!!!!"

Edie is such a beautiful, strong name. It means "prosperous in war" - the etymology is from a combination of "riches, wealth, fortune" and "spear". I love her name!

Welcome to the world, baby Edie. And well done @MamaCrazy

LifeGetsInTheWay · 10/02/2019 10:53

This thread is making me feel a bit tearful... in a good way. This is all about women supporting each other, and not dragging each other down.
I hope today is better OP- and listen to the many wise voices on here. There are ups and downs ahead- but be sure to keep talking about how you feel and take help where you can get it. Lots of love and luck to you and lovely little Edie.

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KnitFastDieWarm · 10/02/2019 11:42

This thread should be printed out and handed to all new mothers on their first night in the postnatal ward - it would have been a hell of a lot more use to me than the bloody bounty woman!

spiderlight · 10/02/2019 11:50

Oh bless you. It is such a huge, huge shock, especially when they're early. I felt like I 'should' experience the massive rush of love you're always told about but it took days for that to come and even then it was very much cloaked in 'WTF have I done??' Give yourself time. Hold her and feed her and watch her sleep, and try to sleep yourself as well. Your hormones will settle down and you will feel better, I promise.

dazzlingdeborahrose · 10/02/2019 12:40

You are normal. We are fed such drivel about the rush of love when baby arrives. I've no doubt it's true for some. I've also no doubt that quite a lot of us were exhausted and scared.

I spent the first few days in hospital after the birth of my first thinking I'd made the biggest mistake of my life. I went through the motions of feeding and changing but I felt nothing. I was tired and I was scared.

I felt better when I left the hospital but it was about a week or ten days later when I was sitting doing a feed at about 3am that I realised a seismic shift had taken place. It was dark and quiet. Just me and him. We sat snuggling and that was the point where I realised that he was the best thing and I would actually hurl myself under a bus for him. He's almost 18 now and I still would.

You've had a rough time. Stay with your mum for a few days and remember this is normal. You are going to be great. Edie is a lucky lucky girl!

CatinMyLap · 10/02/2019 12:49

I had that crash too. First day I was a bit meh. When I took her home I had a complete meltdown and repeated over and over that the social needed to take her tomorrow. It took a few weeks to get into it all. My first was in NNU for a few months so I was almost weaned into motherhood, my second felt like an unwelcome punch in the face.

God we bonded so well eventually, never unattached and there was nothing horrible about it. If every baby was guaranteed to be like her I’d have 10 😂

IT IS OKAY! IT IS NORMAL! IT WILL FEEL BETTER!!

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 10/02/2019 12:56

Congratulations on Edie. Sorry you are feeling off, though its quite understable. I'm going to pm you, if that's ok. x

Zwischenwasser · 10/02/2019 13:22

Yep, and another one.

I too had a premature baby, i was still at work and popped off for a routine appointment. Had the baby that afternoon.

Not only did I not feel anything for the baby. (I felt totally numb) but i went through a huge period of mourning for my old life.

The first months I operated on a kind of checklist autopilot. Feed, wind, change nappy, cuddle, make soothing noises.

I only recently admitted to DH how I’d felt in those First months (and Dc is 9) he was utterly shocked, he hadn’t realised I’d felt nothing. He said ‚‘but you were so caring and looked after her so well‘ yep. I did baby—by—numbers. A checklist of what a caring mum would do.

Babies are quite dull and very hard work tbh.

I don’t ever remember a rush of love. I went from numb, to feeling protective of the baby. The love grew slowly from there.

RaininSummer · 10/02/2019 13:33

Congratulations for having your beautiful Edie. You will come to love her when you know her better. The first week or two are hard and hormones will have your emotions all over the place. Just care for yourself and her and try to stay with your mum for a while as being alone will make it seem more difficult. Xx

amusedbush · 10/02/2019 14:10

Edie is a beautiful name, I love it 😍

It sounds to me like you’re doing a smashing job

Bunnyhop1502 · 10/02/2019 14:14

Hello OP congratulations on your baby. I’m a bit late to the party but I also struggled when my first was born. I remember looking at him and hoping someone would come in and take him away. I had PND for a few months but I got through it as you will too. I found writing down how I felt really helped and if you need some extra support there are many wonderfully supportive people on Mumsnet (as your thread has shown!) The fact that you have posted here shows you have the strength to weather the storm of caring for a new life and you are a good mother as you want the best for her

AtrociousCircumstance · 10/02/2019 14:14

for you and little Edie. All your feelings are completely natural. Give yourself time

marvellousnightforamooncup · 10/02/2019 15:18

Your feelings are certainly not unusual. The first child was an 'oh fuck!' moment for me, you see your life stretching ahead of you and this little bundle that relies on you for everything. On top of that you're exhausted, in pain and don't really know what to do. Please don't be surprised if it gets worse rather than better over the next couple of days when your milk comes in and your hormones go haywire. I had suicidal thoughts because I felt empty and worthless but thankfully it didn't last long.

If I could pass one piece of useful advice on to you it would be to get as much help as possible. Bother the staff in the hospital to get help feeding her and tell them if you feel low. Don't go home and struggle on your own. Tell your woes to your health visitor, midwife, doctor.

Lovethetimeyouhave · 11/02/2019 17:31

How are you op? Hope you're ok

detectorist · 13/02/2019 10:09

Hope you are ok OP! I promise it gets easier, you and Edie will find your groove together

TinklyLittleLaugh · 13/02/2019 10:29

I’ve had four kids; had a big “What the hell have I done?” panic with the first one and only really got the rush of love with number three.

And the rush of love is gorgeous, it’s a lovely thing, it’s a blessing, it feels just like falling in love. But the intensity of that first sweetness of falling in love bears no correllation to how much you ultimately love someone. I definitely love all four of mine exactly the same.

Interestingly I was in my best and happiest place when I was pregnant with number three, and I do wonder if that had an effect.

AhCheeses · 14/02/2019 01:53

Been thinking about @MamaCrazy and wondering how you and Edie are getting on...?
Hope you're both doing ok?

DuffBeer · 14/02/2019 16:27

I remember my baby crying in the night whilst we were on the ward. I felt panicked (didn't know what to do) and wished I'd never had him.

This feeling continued for quite some time! Please don't feel bad, it is inexplicably overwhelming.

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