Had my baby today, feeling very low. I've made a mistake.

[MamaCrazy]

I had my baby today, well yesterday as its now past midnight, at 14:32. I'm on maternity ward surrounded by other mums and babies yet I feel so lonely and so low. It all feels wrong somehow. I split with the dad early on in pregnancy, I text him to say she's here and all I got was "OK" he didn't ask anything about her. My mum was with me throughout the birth but had to go home just 2 hours after she was born because my brother needs 24 hour care and his carers were going home (he has care 8am to 5pm and my mum does the rest of the time).
Baby is asleep. She doesn't feel like she belongs to me though. Is that wrong? I feel detached. I've cuddled her and fed her because I have to not because I want to. I don't know what to do. Right now I wish I hadn't had her.

When my first was born I was in shock for the first few days and if someone nice had come along and said they would take him off my hands and look after him I would given him away. I was so overwhelmed and exhausted. I can honestly say looking back now it took me three months to start to enjoy being his mum. ThAt first night on the postnatal ward was dreadful I felt so alone and frightened of this new huge responsibility, I was petrified. But it passed. It will pass op you, will settle down. Please speak to your midwife don't feel that you are on our own. All your baby needs at the moment is to be fed changed and kept warm. Everything else will develop over time.

Gosh your post brought back so many memories!
I hated being on the ward. Hated it. It made me feel paranoid and lonely and totally out of my depth.
Then one night, when DS1 was about three weeks old, I was stood in my living room in the middle of the night, he'd just been fed and was snuggled on my shoulder making that snuffly sound... and I could have squeezed him so hard with the love I felt.
DS2, it didn't happen til he was about 9 weeks old and it was totally different.
With him I just suddenly felt content one day. Stood in the kitchen, listening to Johnny Cash and I realised I was glad he was part of our little gang.
You're just hours into being a mum. You've got a whole lifetime to get to know Edie, you just need to recover from the craziness of the last 24 hours first!
You are her whole world right now. As long as you feed her, keep her nappies clean, and hold her. It'll come.
Just you wait until she smiles at you.
Welcome to the Mama Club 💕

staying with your mum would be excellent plan as you said she has carers in the day so she can devote some time to you. at the moment you are all hormones and coping with the after effects of the birth plus obviously edie came unexpectedly when you were expecting a few weeks to your self to prepare. i am sure you will be fine once you are out of hospital but if you feel still the same reach out to your midwife health visitor or gp thats what they are there for and they know sometimes mums need a helping hand. your ex sounds a dickhead to be honest you can do this and definitely dont need him congratulations on your bundle of joy

Edie is such a gorgeous name OP. Congratulations.

What you're feeling right now is totally normal. Not everyone feels it but LOTS of people do - me included. Hopefully it will pass as your hormones settle over the next few weeks but if it doesn't please don't be afraid to talk to your GP and HV to get some support. I had PND and it was quite a while before I felt proper love for my little girl. Now it grows and grows every day - and it will for you too, I promise.

Try not to panic too much about the future - EVERYTHING with a baby changes so much that it's just not worth worrying over how things will be in a year, a month or even a week! You have some challenging times ahead but it is all worth it and it gets easier and easier, I promise. Ask for help wherever you can - people will want to help.

You got this, mama. I promise.

Morning CrazyMama

I hope all these messages are reassuring you, my daughter was similar to yours, born 3.5weeks early at 14:35. My Labour was also 4 hours too. I did have a husband (then), but I was still detached. I just remember thinking now what. I was going through the motions but didn't feel that rush of love that I'd been told to expect. I was worried I'd failed.
That love took time to grow and I I remember about 16weeks realising it was slowly coming. We'd just got to get used to each other.
I'm not a maternal type person, but do you know what I adore her now, it's not always easy, but she's 6 next month and sassy, stubborn, and lots of fun. I'm now a single parent too.

Love the name Edie. It sounds like you've had a very traumatic time, so give yourself a break. Going to your mums sounds like a great idea.
Hope you're feeling a bit better this morning.

Congratulations OP!
Edie's a beautiful name.

I hope you're feeling better this morning and you can stay at your mums for support.

Just to echo what all PP have and say that what you're feeling is completely normal. You've just met this tiny person, your heart will catch up.

Ahh congratulations

I felt exactly the same, I was 18 and me and my DD’s dad separated when I was pregnant and he wanted nothing to do with her. My DM was there for the birth but she left shortly after. She has helped me massively throughout the years and I couldn’t have done it without her, but she always took a step back as she was very “this is your baby, you need to look after it”. She also asked me to leave home so I had been renting a little place by myself since I was 7 month pregnant. I was suddenly left with this little scrap of a thing (she was 5lb) and I was supposed to know how to care for her. The first night I was home I just cried. I’d never changed a nappy in my life, I literally had no idea. I have memories of her screaming and me wanted to put her back inside me just for a few hours so I could sleep. It was awful. I really didn’t want her.

But 15 years later, we’ve grown together and she was my saviour (I was into drugs and heavily drinking before I had her). She’s the light of my life and my little buddy. Yes it’s been incredibly tough at times but when I look at her now I feel nothing but pride.

The early days aren’t great, but you’re not alone. My advice to you is to tell someone how you feel, don’t be ashamed because it is normal. And if someone knows then they can help you overcome it.

Good luck

Edie was on our shortlist, lovely.

Having a baby on your own must be hard but I'm sure you can do it!

Congratulations!

My DS (My first) was 4 weeks early & totally mucked up all my plans! The hospital may want to keep you a bit longer with Edie being early but it sounds like a great idea to have a few days with Mum. Wishing you all the best!

I wanted to add that DS1 - now 25 - was much wanted, much loved, etc, I had full support and a DH.

I found labour and birth a shock, have pics of me with him in the days after his birth that I genuinely have no memory whatsoever of being taken, and I felt nothing for a good few weeks.

I remember phoning my sister when he was six weeks to say in astonishment that I had feelings for him, like a fog had lifted.

You are totally not alone.

My DC are teens now but I will never forget the shock and disconnect of each birth! It's completely normal, as PP say, even though I know that doesn't make it any easier, OP. Hang in there, be gentle with yourself and congratulations on the birth of your little daughter!

There was is a thing called second day crash. Partly to do with the massive swings in hormones after childbirth. A midwife told me about it long, long after I'd had mine. DH and I had tried for a baby for four years. Despite this, by day 3 I was thinking 'I'm not up to this'. Look after yourself, it will all get so much better

Oh OP, I get it! 😞

My brother is also disabled and despite being very close my mother always has him at top priority!

I’m lucky to have a VERY supportive DP (soon to be DH) but if I didn’t I would feel very alone and insecure.

You grow up knowing that the one person who is supposed to put you first (your mum) has bigger priorities and that you can/will get dropped at any moment if your sibling needs them! Even though you understand and you know why, it’s hard not to be resentful when the biggest moments of your life get slightly overlooked!

I haven’t had children yet, TTC this summer (so I’m limited on my understanding here) but my best friend had a DD 5 years ago and I remember her having ZERO interest in DD for the first few weeks and crying constantly. I would visit and hold DD whilst best friend cried and said she had made a huge mistake. Her DP didn’t know what the hell was going on. But it got better. Friend got some support!

I would speak to one of the midwives/ nurses about it ASAP! It’s hard to vocalise it as you feel you shouldn’t say it (this is what DF says now but wishes she had spoken to someone earlier)!

Midwives/ nurses should be able to help/ get you some help!

Hope you got some sleep op and feel a bit more positive today

I felt just as you do when I had DS1 earlier than expected. I remember after my partner went home, I was alone with my thoughts and shattered. I just lay there and thought 'What the HELL have I done? Why on earth did I think this was a good idea, I'm not ready for this, me and my partner could have waited a few years and travelled/saved up/grown up/got promoted...' It went round in my head all night as the adrenaline and heat left me unable to sleep. So much better once we got home, I got some rest and got into a routine of sorts. It gets much, much better! Some of it is due to the huge hormonal crash you're undergoing too - I know loads of women who felt like this even when their life circumstances were 'perfect'.

I'm not ready to be in sole charge of another human being
My kids are now 13 and 6 and I'm a single parent too. I often feel like this even now! Totally normal. That said, let your mum look after you if she is happy to help. It makes a huge difference mentally when you're not soldiering through it all alone.

Hope things feel a bit better today. Edie is a beautiful name and I bet she's a gorgeous baby. Congratulations

I had a really fast labour (just over 3 hours) with my first. It is a hell of a shock to your body. I was the first of my friends to have a baby and really had no clue what I was doing. So I did what I was told by the midwives (in those days you stayed in for a week, regardless of whether you'd had a section or not) and watched enviously at the mums who seemed to know instinctively what to do, whereas I was struggling with the lack of sleep and the knowledge that I could never give my baby a bottle (allergic to formula) if I wanted a break.

Be kind to yourself. You have done an amazing thing and the love for your baby will come. Her personality will start to show much more quickly than you expect. Congratulations.

CrazyMama Congratulations to you and BabyEdie

You are feeling what a lot of us felt but didn't feel that we could admit to because of the Maternity Industry. There are a lot of companies out there that make a lot of money from babies - to do this they push the idea that we are failing them if it isn't perfect and the way to make it perfect is to buy their crappy piece of baby tat.

In reality ( evidenced by the number of people here saying "me too") it is really hard - your body hates you, there is no user manual, you feel as if you ask questions that you aren't a "real" mother. My hormones were everywhere - I was in hospital and all I wanted was a shower, proper coffee, a comfy sofa to lie on and watch TV. Instead I was on a ward with people coming and going at all times of the night, overly milky tea and food designed for people without their own teeth . I was only kept in because I was breastfeeding and my waters had broken days before I went into labour - dd needed monitoring but I was fine, bored and very much regretting having her.

I didn't get the "rush of love" ever. My dd is almost 17 - I love her to the end of time, but I never got a rush. I still feel as if I am winging it. For the first bit I was wining if we made it to the end of the day.

You are doing a great job - the earth mother version of motherhood doesn't happen for many. I suspect they are faking it as well .

Congratulations Edie is a beautiful name!

I remember feeling exactly the same as you, I spent the first night on postnatal crying and I would have been perfectly happy to have left my DD there and never look back. I felt no rush of love or attachment.

I felt very different when I came home, although it did take time.

She's now 4 and my best little mate. Having a baby throws your whole world up in the air and it's perfectly normal to feel how you do. Don't forget (and I found this SO patronising at the time but it is true) you are pumped full of hormones at the moment. The dust will settle and you will have a clearer view of everything.

Wishing you all the best

Congratulations!
I hope by now you realise that your feelings are completely normal. You're doing far better than I did I calling your baby by her name (Edie is lovely..) - I referred to both mine as 'the baby' or 'it' for ages.

I felt like this with my first too - didnt bond right away and thought there was something wrong with me for not being instantly in love. It gets better.

Congrats OP and welcome to the world of parenting that is not all butterflies and rainbows

My first was planned, very happily married and I was really looking forward to her arrival. I had a straightforward birth, but felt very ambivalent to her when she was born but I bonded with the placenta, couldn't stop looking at it. In following days I had such an extreme sadness at having a child and felt insanely jealous of my friend who was unable to conceive. I remember praying one night that she would be abducted from the ward, and then I would have a hysterectomy and forget this horrible mess. Very controversial, but breastfeeding was a horrible time for me and I only started to bond with her at around 3 months when I moved to the bottle.

You will get there OP, don't be hard on yourself and use here as a soundboard. MN has been a lifesaver for me at times.

OP...thinking of you and Edie this morning...You have just done an amazing thing you created and delivered another human being!! How cool is that? How bloody hard was that?! I have a feeling you will be an amazing mummy and the reason I feel you will be fantastic is because you were scared and reached out and that was such a difficult thing to do but the honesty you shared makes you very special...It is normal what you are feeling I promise you.I have 2 kids born 21 years apart and felt exactly as you did both times.I felt spaced out and unsure and terrified..I forgot all I knew and was a mess...it lasted a week where I was seriously questioning my own sanity...all turned out well.You are so brave sharing how you feel.Please dont be hard on yourself.Not going to wish you good luck cos I know you will be fine....rest when you can and things will fall into place....Welcome to the world Edie you will have an amazing time with your lovely mummy......

I felt like this with DS2 which was worse because I thought I knew what I was "supposed" to feel from when DS1 was born. When the second baby came I was just like, well, sorry kid, at least I have your brother, someone else can take care of you. I remember just feeling nothing at all towards him and that I just was going through the motions only because I remembered what I should do from the first time. It is so, so normal. And of course now the two boys are charging round the house playing Star Wars and I adore them both equally. Congratulations on your new lovely baby

Sorry that came off wrong, I didn't mean it was worse in that my experience was worse than yours, I meant because I was comparing my experiences with DS1 and 2 and that wasn't a great way to start out by comparing my children!