Had my baby today, feeling very low. I've made a mistake.

[MamaCrazy]

I had my baby today, well yesterday as its now past midnight, at 14:32. I'm on maternity ward surrounded by other mums and babies yet I feel so lonely and so low. It all feels wrong somehow. I split with the dad early on in pregnancy, I text him to say she's here and all I got was "OK" he didn't ask anything about her. My mum was with me throughout the birth but had to go home just 2 hours after she was born because my brother needs 24 hour care and his carers were going home (he has care 8am to 5pm and my mum does the rest of the time).
Baby is asleep. She doesn't feel like she belongs to me though. Is that wrong? I feel detached. I've cuddled her and fed her because I have to not because I want to. I don't know what to do. Right now I wish I hadn't had her.

Sleep tight both of you.

Yes, get some rest. Night night x

Totally totally totally normal

It really is. Totally normal. The days following the birth of my first child, I felt like an empty shell. I felt nothing. The woman in the next bed to me was full of life and joy with her new born. And that was normal too. I remember being envious of her joy.
I felt absolutely nothing except worn out and shaky and tearful and sad.
I wanted to be joyful, like her. But I wasn't. It takes a few days, weeks, or in my case months, to adjust to this new reality. Giving birth is a huge massive shock to your body, a physical trauma.
Some folks have loads of family flocking around the bed and being supportive. I didn't, and it sounds like you don't either.
But trust and believe me that this is just the comedown after the birth.
It's hormones flying around. You WILL feel better and everything will fall into place. I'm certainly going to be thinking about you and your new baby tonight. Tomorrow is a new day. Talk to someone about how you feel. Your feelings are perfectly and absolutely normal and there is nothing wrong about the way you feel.

Congratulations on Edie.
My firstborn also came early and in under an hour. I also did not feel like he was mine for a while. It does come though, maybe not as a huge firework but it just grows gradually and then you cannot even remember them not being in your life.

Some truly amazing words here. Just wanted to say, I felt completely detached from my son when he was first born. Once the birth bit was over and the oh shit I need to keep him surviving hit I wanted to run the fuck away and never come back.

I totally, totally get it. And you are doing so amazingly with a set of really difficult situations. Have a chat with the midwife tomorrow, be so very kind to yourself my lovely and know you are absolutely incredible and you'll absolutely smash this. The fact you're already asking questions means you love and want what's best for your child, even if you think they're not the right questions or feelings. I promise you they are xxxxxxxx

💐🌟Take things one day at a time and don't be afraid to ask for help and support. Welcome to the world, little girl.

Hope you manage to get some sleep xx

I felt like this. It's ok. First night on the ward - bitch opposite non stop shit constantly on her phone about how wonderfully she was bonding.....me in dead dumb shock looking at this thing next to me....all that rush of love bollocks...I felt nothing. Sleep, be calm, go through the motions, you've just done something amazing and beautiful and fucking traumatizing. Congratulations.

I hope you are both sleeping OP.

Look it’s going to feel fucking weird for the few days. I’m sure we all felt the same right after our babies arrived. It’s a weird feeling isn’t it?

It’s clearly all been very sudden for you. I’m glad you’ve got a supportive mum. Hang on in there darling xx

I hated every moment in hospital after my first baby was born. I felt really trapped. And I convinced myself I had no maternal feelings. The staff used to wheel the babies' cots to line them up outside the nursery while we had breakfast so we could go and bath them with help. All the other mothers seemed to recognise their babies by sight, but I had to look for his wrist band to check I had the right one!

You'll feel better in your own home, and you'll get used to being a mother. These feelings are really normal, but do tell your midwife and health visitor if you carry on feeling low or disorientated. They can help you feel better if it carries on.

BTW Edie is a lovely name

My life was perfect on paper when DS1 was born - husband at my side etc - still felt nothing but exhaustion when I looked at that baby! I think the bonding thing crept up on me - I was about 2-4 weeks in when I scooped him up from the mat and breathed him in and felt 'mine mine mine mine my darling!' - before then I'd felt vaguely guilty about being so tired and caring for him and worrying about him but not 'feeling bonded'.
My SIL had already said to me, when I was pregnant, "Don't worry if you don't feel an instant rush of love. I didn't. I think it's bollocks. But I love them now. You're allowed to feel like you've lost 'old you' because you HAVE. It's all okay. Just keep feeding, cleaning, and cuddling your baby. The bonding thing happens from doing it all."
So when I felt nothing with DS1 I felt ... okay about it. Sort of numb and a bit sad but not terribly guilty because my SIL had already said it can happen.

So I'm saying it to you! She has a lovely name, she has a loving mum, she's going to have a wonderful life. You're doing great. Congratulations on your baby

Oh sweetheart, it is such a shock to the system. Giving birth is such a mind fuck, and then you have to look after this tiny, helpless creature and they give you literally nothing in return for so long. Just to reiterate what everyone else has said, what you are feeling is so completely normal. My second is 5 days old, much wanted, and I still feel my heart sink a bit when I hear him cry because they're just so needy! I I'm still trying to process his birth mentally, even though I had a planned section this time so have known for weeks when he'd be arriving.

Edie is a gorgeous name. I questioned DD's name for months after she was born but now at 2 I can't imagine her being called anything else.

Give yourself time and space to feel what you need to feel. If Edie is fed and cuddled occasionally, that's all she really needs from you right now. The love will come. Once you can get home you'll feel a little better, postnatal wards aren't the places to go for good mental health. Hope you can have a nice sleep.

Oh dear, you poor thing. I was on your other thread and wondered why you hadn’t returned. Now I know why! You’re exhausted and on an emotional rollercoaster. The best thing you can do now is rest, remember to ask for help, and to call your family friends to come rally around you if at all possible. Whether that’s texting you, getting your house set up for you, visiting you in the hospital, sneaking in your favourite food, whatever. Take care and keep posting here for help.

I felt so exhausted and overwhelmed my first night at hospital... The night shift midwife came to check on me and ask how I was doing and I burst into tears.
She was lovely, and talked to me about how normal it was to cry, to feel overwhelmed, to feel surreal, and even to be disappointed in how birth didn't go "to plan".
Please do talk to one of your nurses/midwives looking after you on the ward. They are there to support your mental health as well as physical health, and debriefing is an important part of being mentally healthy.
Also, I think I cried and felt overwhelmed and bewildered for at least the first 2 weeks, but it gets better. You get more confident, and love for your child grows (especially once they start smiling at you, at around 4-6 weeks).
It's okay hon, you can do this.
And feeding and cuddling your baby is exactly what they need, you're doing great.

When I fell pregnant with DC2 it was a surprise and wasn't part of my life plan - took me about 3 months to accept it, but I did. When she was born it was a real shock to see this baby who looked nothing like me, DH or DC1. I felt so detached. We took her home within 5 hours of me giving birth and for quite a while I was going through the motions and felt like we'd made a mistake. I'm not sure when it happened but I totally fell in love with her. She's a toddler now and my god the love i have for her has no words.

Childbirth is a huge shock. You must give yourself time to recover. Do keep talking to people though in case it turns out to be something more.

DS1 was also born 3 weeks early, just days after I went on maternity leave. I was nowhere near ready.

I had very similar feelings to you OP. When my sister came to visit, the midwife on the ward told her I “looked a bit grumpy”. I will always remember breaking down in front of my sister saying “don’t leave me with him. I don’t know what to do with him.”

For me, it took probably 3 weeks for that overwhelming rush of love to come. DS1 is 21 now & we’ve been amazingly close from roughly 3 weeks old right up to now. Don’t beat yourself up OP, your feelings are totally normal.

With DS2 & DD, I bonded straight away. It was totally different. First time motherhood & birth can be hard. Be kind to yourself, you’ve got this. You & little Edie are going to be just fine .

I hope you are having a good sleep.

Just remember, you are not alone, there are all of us Mumsnetters out here to chat to and help you at any time of the day or night. Anytime you want to just reach out to us and we will be there for you

I felt the same when DS1 was born. Kind of like I’d been handed a baby to look after until his “real” mum was ready for him. I’m probably not explaining that very well.

Just know your not alone. It’s completely normal and you will be okay. Congratulations on your daughter.

I never liked any of mine after they were born. I had horrid labours and deliveries and TBH would happily have swapped any of them for a bit of toast. All bar one were quite ugly as well and none of them felt remotely like mine.

I just wanted to get home and get a decent nights sleep and a shower in privacy without some bitch of a midwife telling me I couldn’t do so because I had no one to look after the baby.

Post natal wards are awful . It’s normal to feel shocked and detached from that little bundle in a Tupperware box beside the bed. See how you feel after a few weeks. In the meantime just feed and cuddle baby and she will be fine.

Edie is a great name BTW, is it short for Edith or Eden or just Edie ?

Does she have a middle name yet ? It always took me ages to decide on names, I know that some mums just know as soon as they are born. Mine were still called the same name as they were as bumps for about another week. I’m impressed you have decided already.

See, I am crap at so much of this mother thing and my kids have all survived and turned out just fine so far

Remember to give baby YOUR surname and don’t fret about useless wanker of ex. Your baby has a lovely family already with you and her gran and uncle . Don’t bother chasing him again, it’s his loss. Just remember to put your CSA claim in once you have registered baby’s birth .

And congratulations ! 💐🌺🌷🌹

It’s normal to feel like this. Congratulations on your new baby 😍

Sweetheart given how the birth has come about - emotionally AND medically (4 hours is bloody fast!) - it's ENTIRELY possible you're in shock - again emotionally AND medically.

Genuine questions - did you lose a lot of blood? are they doing fairly frequent obs on you? Pulse, oxygen, bp etc? Are you drinking plenty? Being encouraged to?

If you're still awake then PLEASE buzz and TELL someone that you're feeling "off" possibly dissociative (if you can't pronounce or don't feel comfortable saying that - I'd struggle this time of night) then say "distanced" or "out of the world"

This COULD just be emotional/hormonal but there's a small chance it could also be symptomatic of other MEDICAL issues so I wouldn't be happy not telling you to do that.

I'm sure you're being monitored as I suspect that's partly why they've kept you in.

On the emotional side as pp say it's entirely normal to feel as you do. Few women feel all "loved up" with baby immediately after birth - we're too sodding knackered apart from anything else 😂

I had the opposite "shock" to you if you like in that dd got too damn comfy! Especially as I thought I'd be like my mum - all 3 of us were early (even my bro who's never bloody early for anything was 2 weeks early! Made him the "latest" of the three - I was 6 weeks early, sister was 5 weeks and then bro at 2 weeks) so I spent my whole pregnancy kinda assuming I'd deliver early too.

Nope!! 3 days of attempted induction, 28 hours of labour ending in emcs. We both almost died. Little bugger 😂 (not so little now but still a bugger! She's 6' nearly 18 and just strolled in from a night out with the boyfriend and woke me to borrow something!).

In the first 12 hours after I had her I wasn't even conscious to hold her! She was in scbu anyway. But even the next few days I struggled to connect her to the bump I'd grown attached to.

She's a little stranger at the moment, you don't know each other properly yet, the more you get to know each other the closer you'll become.

Babies don't do what we want them to unfortunately, I also planned to be a carefree, routineless mum - and ended up with a baby that demanded routine and strongly protested if it were disrupted.

It's hard but you kinda need to try and resist the urge to have expectations.

keep talking.your not alone.nor do you need to be.there is no judgement with mums and new borns( or there shouldn't be from the right kind of people) so however your feeling is warrented and normal and right now just what it is.
this is normal.you and ur body and mind are in shock.youve all got to come together again.
outside of the baby you've lots to contend with what with your brother and needing your mum and the ex.then along comes someone who is earlier so your not prepared its like a big wallop.
but do not fear.you are a mum.that makes you ready for anything.
will it be easy.will it be tough.both.
but you can handle this.youve done amazing just to get to here.
how many times during the pregnancy did you worry and overthink and fear.im sure many a time.but you made it.and you've produced a little one ith such a gorgeous name.i love it.
its time to get to know eachother now. try talking to her.skin to skin is helpful too.tell her about yourself.all the things she made you miss out on pampering yourself with this week!how shocking she is for already ruining mothers plans! all the thing you will do with her.all the new family.about your mum and bro.keep talking and being there for her and she will respond and you will too.
do talk to someone though.dont ever let it fester inside of you because it just goes in cycles and only ever leads to that doom feeling at the end of the night.
you can do this.

We get morning sickness because of an enormous increase in hormones that is a very steep. When they plateau we feel normal again (usually). After birth our hormones crash and we are also physically exhausted. Hence new mums crying for "no reason" for weeks and months afterwards. Your feelings are absolutely normal. But let people know, tell the midwives and if any friends or family offer help accept it! You are going through a huge (normal) culture shock.

Congratulations on your beautiful dd xxxx

Oh my goodness I wasn't expecting so many wonderful supporting comments. I expected to be told I'm a horrible person.

I've not really slept but I got up and had a shower whilst Edie was sleeping and feel a lot better now I'm clean. She really is a beautiful baby and I love the snuffly noises she makes. Hopefully we'll be discharged this morning. I was going to go home but I'm going to ask if we can stay at my mums for a few days. I'm not ready to be in sole charge of another human being.

I was going to go home but I'm going to ask if we can stay at my mums for a few days. I'm not ready to be in sole charge of another human being

This is a great idea. As all pp have said, what you are feeling is totally normal. I cried days after giving birth as I was worried I had ruined my life forever as it was just so awful. The trauma of birth, sleep deprivation and hormones are a brutal combination. But it does pass, enjoy your beautiful baby and rest as much as you can. Soon enough you will look back on this feeling as a really odd distant memory. Good luck and congratulations.