40's? From 40 to 49, what's changed?

[thinkingisharderthandoing]

So from approaching the 40's to approaching the 50's. How's that decade been?
I'm 45 this year......still feeling like I have a youngish streak, but realising I'm not so youngish as I may want to be.
It's a weird age.
How have you felt and dealt with it?

I'm past 49 now. Well past in fact!.
My changes were mainly weight.
I out on a few pounds but alwYs lost them again but thus time they stayed. I out a few more on. For various reasons I was unable to exercise like I used to and more weight piled on. I'm now in a position to exercise but I've list all my fithese and it seems like a massive battle now.
My reading eyesight has completely gone but everything else is ok. I went to Specsavers and had a thorough eye health test and was relived to find no other ussues and nothing a pair of specs couldnt sort out. If you do need glasses , warning, don't try a pair on and then look close up in a mirror near you!!!!

My hair is ok so far. No greys. I'm probably like my dad who has sandy colour hair and is in his 70s. I like it long so I need more visits to the hairdressers to keep it in good shape and style rather than looking like I've got straggly hair and trying to keep hold of my youth!

A lot more general grooming need to be done on a lot more regular basis than ever before.

I am more patient and tolerant than I was when I was younger. Things dont stress me out the same. I certainly dont sweat rhe small stuff. Often when i read things people are complaing about on Mn i think wtf? It woudnt even occur to me to give 3/4s of them another thought if it happened to me never mind write about it and get opinions. Things like ' was this lady in a shop rude to me.' I think what the fuck does it matter. Either say Something there and then it move on. You'll never see her again so what does it matter!! Hmm maybe I'm not as tolerant as I thought!!
My 40s and early 50s are great. While can't say I'm looking forward to getting even older I am hoping to be healthy and continue to have fun with my family and friends.

46. I was always invisible, so no change there.

I got my first grey hair at 20, so I just have more of them now. I did find the first grey pube more unsettling, though.

I had my eyes lasered in my late 20s, and they always made it clear that I'd need reading glasses in my 40s because of presbyopia, so nothing unexpected there - and I used to be myopic anyway, so it's no shock to the system, and I have had eye tests every couple of years anyway. What has surprised me is that my focal length takes longer to adjust, so if I've been reading, then look out of the window, it takes a couple of moments.

I've lost some weight in the last couple of years, so I'm the lightest I've been for over a decade (still overweight) - this isn't because I've made a massive effort, but that I have become a lot better at recognising when I'm hungry and full, and there's less emotional eating. This is more to do with having lost my mother 10 years ago (and my father 18 years ago,) and it's taken years to get back to being me, still a work in progress. And work is currently better than it's been for years, which also helps.

I don't drink, but I've been teetotal for years, mostly in reaction (with other reasons) to having an alcoholic mother.

I could do with more sleep, but that's partly self-inflicted. Last time I was at the doctor, she asked if I ever feel tired. I don't know anyone who isn't permanently tired.

I am quite aware that neither of my parents made it past 62, which is only about 15 years away.

I absolutely love thosbthread and am most of along as I'm reading everyone's experiences. I feel like I've found my people. I have aches and pains in my back and hip and sometimes get really stiff. That tends to happen if I've been walking a lot or something the previous day - I have to hobble about for a while until I loosen back up! And yes to the hangovers - I had one the other day from drinking one cider! One! If I drink champagne I get a hangover before I've even finished drinking the first glass! It's madness.

Worse than that though for me is the poor digestion. I saw another thread on here he other day where people were talking about how delicious a crisp and coleslaw sandwich would be. I was thinking "I bet most of you people are under 40!" No way could I eat something like that and survive. Remember when old ladies used to say they couldn't eat something because "it keeps repeating on me"? Well, I wouldn't say it but I definitely think it! I really miss coleslaw 😣.

My hair is almost totally grey. I used to colour it but I've decided to stop. I've kind of decided to go ahead and look my age and not worry about it. DH loves me for me, and I don't really care if I look pretty (or more accurately try to look young, because grey hair can still be pretty) for anyone else. What do I care whether some stranger thinks I'm attractive or not? My goal now lookswise is not to look disheveled. That's it. Sometimes I don't even manage that, but its not that big of a deal anyway.

But you know what? I'm happy. And way less anxious than I used to be. I quite like myself now, and that is such a nice change. I'm smiling just thinking about it!

I turn 40 soon. I should be embracing it as about 18 months ago I went on a massive fitness overhaul. Martial arts, triathlons, running. I've never looked better in many ways.
But then boom out of nowhere I had a bereavement. I'm still keeping fit, my marriage is happy and I have two lovely kids but mentally I've hit a low.
I thought I was going to sail into my 40s feeling great but I have mood swings and I'm tired all the time. I was glowing from all the fresh air and exercise but now I look washed out. I've lost my confidence and struggle socially.
I've been a SAHM for most my thirties and had thought about a career in the fitness industry but now I can't envisage it.
Turning 40, my youngest starting school, bereavement, no career. I feel like I'm staring down a barrel of shit.
To think only six months ago I felt on top of the world.
Oh and I've not even started the menopause yet. Why am I so bloody low and tired?

binpedal be kind to yourself.
There's a lot going on for you at once. A bereavement can blindside you for a long time.
Having the youngest child starting school is also a big change mental. It's the last if the babies not being a baby anymore!!
Take time to be sad and grieve.
Keep up with your fitness though.
I have to say when i was doing kickboxing I was at my lightest and fittest!!

Thank you for starting this thread, OP.

47, nearly 48 here. Always had 20-20 eyesight but noticed a couple of years ago that packaging designers had started using freakishly small fonts now. Have to hold the menu away from me in restaurants (that makes me feel so old).

I got divorced at 39 and went on a huge weight/beauty overhaul: lost 4 stone, had Botox, new clothes, etc. Met DH2 and in the past 10 years I've let myself go again! He's an absolute silver fox and I just feel so old and plain now. My face and neck are sagging and I just look sort of tight-lipped and pinched around the face now.

I have anxiety really badly -- had a panic attack last year and 100% thought I was dying. Got awful periods too, but an ablation and Mirena has (touch wood) sorted those for now.

Was waking up to pee every night, but started taking Menopace tablets and that stopped within the first 24 hours!

LOVE this thread. No women I know talk about this stuff.

The one good thing is, I'm FAR more outgoing. I will honestly talk to anyone now. I was always shy; now I'm that random woman who says hello to you in the street. I read recently that can be caused by the Mirena, it's actually prescribed as a cure for social anxiety.

Interesting how so many people here have said it all goes to shit at 48. That's one of the years that Chinese astrology goes back to your sign -- for example, this year is a Pig year, so everyone who's a pig will be 0, 12, 24, 36, 48, 60... (There are 12 signs.) I'd always thought "your" year was a lucky year. I've just found out today that it's hugely UNLUCKY! So I'm really worried I'm totally in for it this year. Last year was awful for health/periods/anxiety stuff. I was so hoping this year would be better. Now I feel doomed!

I just started counselling today and I've got my fingers crossed. But also I think I'm going to see the Dr for HRT. I have palpitations, aches, urge incontinence, thinning hair and skin... Some oestrogen would be just the job, I think.

Massive hug to everyone here. You are NOT alone!

Oh, and my memory has just vanished. The DC take the piss at my tring to remember words. I just can't.

The memory thing is awful! My memory just declined over few months! Apparently another lovely symptom of peri menopause actually a relief as thought I had Alzheimer’s

I'm 47, peri and overweight.
My bones ache, I don't sleep well, I've no energy and I'm grumpy , emotional and often anxious.
However, I'm more comfortable in my own skin, more confident generally, have learned to speak up for myself and generally don't give a tiny toss what people think about me.
Apart from the aches I'm quite enjoying this age.

@ Binpedal even if you're nowhere near actual menopause, the 'peri' menopause can start as young as 35 and last a decade. All your recent odd symptoms are classic signs of lowering oestrogen.

I’ve just turned 43 - I have children ranging from nearing 18 down to 2yrs and I HATE with a passion being over 40. Other than having my youngest child nothing good has happened in my 40s.

Due to my DHs work we moved to an area (just before I was 40) where I have no friends/family and women don’t seem to need me. Having my age range of children has alienated me from both women of my own age and those who younger than me (I’m not sweating the “are they sleeping, what to I wean them onto...going back to work”). I don’t feel that I fit in anywhere.

I’ve got wrinkles that I didn’t have 4 yrs ago and I HATE them. I’m still slim and petite but my face isn’t a reflection for how I feel inside. Apart from a bad back (runs in the family and too many children) I’m fit and healthy (mental health is pretty shit tbf). I had a miscarriage last year - most probably because my eggs are passed their sell by date and that makes me feel really old! ☹️

I’m 50 in August.

At 40 I had a 18 month old baby and felt young and I guess was doing ‘young’ mum stuff.

At 43 I was diagnosed with aggressive breast cancer and the arse end fell out of my world. Mastectomy, chemo, radiation, 8 months worth, fucking nightmare.

I am so very lucky and 6 years later am cancer free. But my body is fucked - one breast, menopause caused by chemo so dry vag and saggy skin, and osteporosis from the hormobe drigs which means I’ve broken my arm badly twice in the last two years by just tripping over.

BUT. And it’s a big but. I have never been happier or more confident. I have a great career that I was able to revive after 8 months off with illness, my son is nearly 11 and a delight, and my husband and I have a wonderful marriage. Despite the dry vag and mono-boob we still have a fabulous sex life and he is just an all-round great bloke. We have a nice house, lovrly pets, good friends and lots of fun. A quiet suburban life which brings me such joy.

At 40 I could never have imagined what I had ahead of me, but it’s all turned out ok, so far. I can’t wait to be 50 and kick on to the next decade!

So glad I found this thread! I turned 50 in December and it's been a lot more emotional than I expected. There's a sense of life having passed by and a real inner examination of everything that's gone before and facing my own mortality. I've never hidden my age or worried about it previously.

I spent the first half of my 40s under the mistaken impression that I looked good for my age, until I caught sight of myself in an M&S mirror and realised exactly what I really looked like to others . I immediately went back to the gym and lost the extra weight that had crept on, felt stronger and fitter and completely revamped my wardrobe as I also had my colours done (which I'd recommend to everyone).

Health niggles started the last few years and am recovering from plantur fascitis which really made me feel old and crap. Getting rid of all of my 4" stillettoes was a very sad day!

My DDad is in very frail health so I'm facing the prospect of losing him this decade, which I'm dreading. One member of my team at work seems to think that if you're over 40 you're senile but I agree with everyone that I'm no longer the pushover I was and am more than ready to stand my ground for what I want.

Still on the pill (PCOS) which has stopped a lot of peri-menopause systems but I get very emotional/angry much quicker.

Paid off the mortgage and have always had pensions so am now saving as I want to retire as soon as possible. I've been commuting for over 20 years and can't face much more as I'm just finding life very tiring.

O4fs- I could have written your post word for word

I'm 53 now (where did that go?) I can honestly say that my 40's were awful. Heavy flooding periods, fibroids, constant bleeding, no energy, anaemia and just plain couldn't be arsed with anything. I also gained weight.
Then at 51 I had a hysterectomy and ovaries whipped out. After the recovery I felt so much better, lost weight, enjoy buying clothes again. I have long hair that only has the odd grey hair and I feel like me again.
The only thing I have kept is the can't be 'arsed'ness, but that stops me getting too stressed out about things. I do still get the odd sweat/hot flush (no hrt) aches and pains and my eyesight definitely isn't as good, but on the whole it's not all bad. I wouldn't want to go back to how things were.

Also I am much less volatile than I used to be, and feel much more calm and competent. This has definitely enabled me to deal more positively with my teenagers and think I have a really good relationship with them. God help us, if we'd all been hormonal at the same time [shudders]

44 soon.

Some strange ones from me:

Beds. I used to be able to sleep anywhere. Now, any bed that isn't my own is enormously uncomfortable. Slept in the spare bedroom last night to catch up on sleep (DS has been poorly, so DH had a turn getting up with him last night). Spare bedroom has our previous bed in it. Bloody hell, it is way too soft. I have no idea how I slept on it for 4 years.

My skin. I've always had decent skin, never reacted to anything, hardly ever had spots. Now, I have spots. Not many, but enough. And the spots are taking forever to heal.

Planning. I always write my to do list for the week on a Monday morning. I work Monday to Wednesday, so doing anything on my to do list only ever starts on a Thursday. But I am finding that, by a Thursday, I am knackered. So everything that I thought was do-able after a weekend spent sharing responsibility for the DC with hands-on DH, is no longer do-able. Which means that I Never Get Anything Big Done.

Clothes. I have no idea how to dress for the shape that I am now. I have a tummy for the first time ever. I still have a big bum and I still have no boobs. The clothes that I used to wear were all seemingly based on me having a flat stomach. Now I have a tummy and a bum but no boobs to balance that out AND I am a short-arse and I have no idea what to wear, despite having money to buy things with.

Great post and great user name, OneTitWonder!

Apparently another lovely symptom of peri menopause actually a relief as thought I had Alzheimer’s

Oh so much this. I was terrified as early onset dementia is in the family. So to be forgetting words was my worst nightmare. I do think that years ago, women were put in institutions because of the menopause, they were never actually mentally unwell at all.
I swear I am clever, I just cannot say the words I need at that moment.
But I give zero fucks what anyone thinks. I have never cared what people think of me, but now i am willing to tell them so. Assuming I can find the words anyway.

In contrast - my mum has been 'old' since her 30s. When i look at pics of her holding me in the late 60s and early 70s when she was in her mid 30s, she already looked older than i do now even at 50. If that makes any sense!?
Laiste,
Of course it does, in those times this age was considered "past it", and people accepted it and generally acted and looked as the society expected them to. I wonder if there was any less agonising about youth gone by in those times?

Remember Tolstoy in the opening of War and Peace, talks about the reception at Anna Scherer's, maid of honour of the Empress, who is a spinster of whole 40 years old 🙄 He also mentions her "faded features". I'm pretty sure women at 40 in those times didn't look like wrecks, and next to modern age 40 year olds, with no grooming or make up would probably fare even better. It's more about self-perception and society's perception ....

I swear I am clever, I just cannot say the words I need at that moment.

This is exactly how I feel! I wish my DC could have met the Me that I was in my 20s. I had a lightning-fast brain! Today -- OMFG, it's just gone. I've actually just noticed I've written completely the wrong age on one of my son's birthday present labels.

There was an amazing thread on here about not remembering words. I was crying in empathetic laughter. One lovely woman said she'd wanted to say the word "rug" but just couldn't recall that word. Finally, in desperation, she used the stand-in phrase "floor cardigan"! I honestly read that and pissed myself laughing -- which isn't as much of a compliment as it used to be, as I basically piss myself at anything these days.

One lovely woman said she'd wanted to say the word "rug" but just couldn't recall that word. Finally, in desperation, she used the stand-in phrase "floor cardigan"! I honestly read that and pissed myself laughing
jUst woken DH up with my laughing !!!

I posted a while ago, and said it’s not great being the age of 50, but I do feel more content.

I want to give context - I’ve ended up on anti-depressants because two of my kids have chronic illness and I have next to no support- although my DH is finally coming through for me. I think he got a shock when the GP said I was depressed.

I’m learning to make more time for me.
Yoga helps with my mindset and flexibility. It also helps with balance and core strength

I’m lucky that I’ve found some courses in art and languages locally that don’t cost a fortune- people running them as their own business- so not as expensive as college type courses. That gives me a social life and stimulates my brain.

I do have friends I meet for coffee - but that can get boring. They’re also school mums - and some seem stuck at that stage even though their kids are at Uni.

We have a dog. Which I do find hard work and a bind, but at least he’s always so happy to see me. Unlike my teenagers....

I went for an eye test today and I need reading glasses for the first time. The optician said "it's quite common at your age I'm afraid."

He even did a little head tilt as he said it.

Widowed at 44 when DC were 4 and 9. That's been the biggest influence on my forties. It was all about the DCs and just getting through.

Just into my 50s now- no sign of peri/meno yet- though I've got increasing grey hair, yes there are wrinkles, arthritic hips and my night vision is terrible. Lost 3 stone in last year. Don't look mumsy. Look the best I've looked for a couple of decades!!! Might be invisible- how would I know???