40's? From 40 to 49, what's changed?

[thinkingisharderthandoing]

So from approaching the 40's to approaching the 50's. How's that decade been?
I'm 45 this year......still feeling like I have a youngish streak, but realising I'm not so youngish as I may want to be.
It's a weird age.
How have you felt and dealt with it?

I am enjoying my 40s. We were knackered in our 30s.

Children are older, I have got my career back on track after years of p/t, lots more money, lots of socialising.

Exercise loads so don't feel unfit, eyesight definitely worse at night though.

20-43: single, child free, sporty, socially active
44-50: married, child, separated, juggling constantly, sport/social life on back burner

Health pretty much the same, not noticeably more tired. Look older but that seems to go hand in hand with having dc whatever age you are. Starting to see friends parents passing away more often and sadly friends too.

Really interesting to read about the driving at night.

My eyes seem more sensitive than they used to be to all the lights, especially oncoming cars

I've loved the 40's and it's been my favourite time in life so far. While perimenopause has reintroduced acne and brought with it hot flushes and intense emotions (i can wake up with seething rage for no reason), I also get respect from strangers, i don't feel invisible, I'm done with all the striving and have the things i want. Life is so good that, if anything, I'm now anxious about losing aspects. I hope the 50's area 60's are similar. I'd be so grateful for 3 decades of a good simple life.

Speaking from the other side (late 50s not the afterlife obvs) I found the transition into my 50s really difficult- anxiety, facing mortality, work stresses and peri menopause conspired to make it a horrible time.

It seemed quite shocking how quickly the eyes deteriorate, random aches start, the need to run to the loo when vertical, the robot walk whenever you've been still for more than 5 mins, a night of unbroken sleep is a treat.

They don't improve with age but I have got used to them - lots of exercise for function, no alcohol, plant based diet mitigates some of the problems for me. For me it was trying to accept ageing - there's a lot of bonuses - primarily not giving as much of a fuck about stuff and being better at pleasing yourself

Oh my god!
The more posts I'm reading the more it sounds familiar.

Im 41 this year. I don't recognise my face. I've started to find reading smaller print harder....my eyes can't seem to focus like they did.

I've been in what I call a midlife crisis and hopefully coming out the back end of it. Touching wood everywhere.
Where I used to be thinking about career, getting a house, a relationship, kids and all that...

I'm now thinking about life when my two go to uni (very strange) retiring as early as I can, being as financially independent as possible (if possible).

My outlook has changed....I've already been through a lot of what my friends are starting to go through...loss or illness of parents, divorce, relationship breakdown, high school, GCSE, sixth form, change of career, debt, come back from debt twice🙄(didn't learn first time round), moving house, moving areas, house project.
I have such compassion now and see that life is made of different shades of grey and not black and white.

I feel like a kid but ancient and I don't care anymore if people like me or not. Unpleasant people...I kill with love because stuff em, they're not bringing my day down and hopefully I'll run off them.

Health wise...I've started taking supplements up the ying yang to ward off any body aging. I realise that's probably about as useful as choc fire guard lol

Oh yes, alcohol.

I really really can't drink like I used to. I still drink wine, but I just can't keep going. I don't know how I feel about that. I always enjoyed getting a bit bladdered. I don't anymore. But it always made me gregarious. Now I feel shy in evening social situations because I'm always sober.

Me again, I'm just 48 and with eldest DC 18 and off to uni this year, youngest 15, we are looking forward to a quieter house, less squables etc. I will miss her but she's so keen to go and that helps. Glad I didn't have my children as late as some. I was 28 and 32. Couldn't be dealing with primary age children now!

It's amazing to so many of us in the same boat with eyesight, tiredness and weight. Personally I think a bit of extra weight on us looks better - we risk looking scrawny without it.

Driving at night though! I have to take my lenses out because the glare and blurred vision is frightening then if I go to the shops I can't read anything so the reading glasses come out! I've got varifocals but I think of them as my granny glasses - I'm not ready!!

For those of you who are tired, have you been checked out with blood tests etc? I'm sure you have but I spent18 months from 48-49 absolutely knackered and put it down to my age. Turns out I had glandular fever and coeliac disease. Now that I'm off gluten and on some supplements, I'm no longer tired. I'm sleeping better too.

44 soon and not looking forward to it. I actually enjoyed turning 40 but now I'm in mid 40 territory it's not so pleasant.
Always had a beard and been going grey for at least 10 years so nothing new there and been carrying an extra stone of baby weight for the last 10 years!
The thing worrying me is I'm probably about to lose my job due to NHS restructuring. I've done this job all my adult life and its a very niche skill so worried about what I'll do next and who will employ a middle aged skill less woman
And through some unlucky house buying and selling when younger, we currently have to rent and with my age, possible lack of job and saving not going up as quickly as house prices I fear we might always be renting. Although still having a mortgage at 70 doesn't fill me with joy either.
So my 40 started off positive but it's turning out to be not as great as I'd hoped.

I’m 45 very soon
I’m fitter than I’ve been in a decade and lighter too
But
My hormones play havoc with me, periods are getting worse, sleep can be problematic and my anxiety can be hideous.
I am weirdly loving my forties as I have a job I enjoy, much more freedom as the DC’s are growing up and dh and I are on the whole emerging from the fog of exhaustion that is small children

This is so interesting - don't have enough of these conversations!

I'm 41, so reading with some trepidation. Always been slim and young looking (was still getting asked for ID occasionally in my early to mid thirties). As fit as I have ever been, thanks to running and strength training (spurred on by reading about osteoporosis and alzheimers). Mental health much better than it was in my youth - partly due to lifestyle I think (more fresh air and daylight as I have a dog and work from home).

Hair is greying rapidly - need to decide what to do about that. I'm generally OK with the idea of ageing, but DH hates the grey hair and kids keep commenting too.

Periods a nightmare - more regular than they were, but sometimes really very heavy - PMT much worse and general forgetfulness around TOM is noticeable too, especially if I've been drinking a lot. Trying to moderate drinking to stay within weekly units to help with it (though I do love wine!).

Loving this thread. Never knew I needed to talk about these things but it feels refreshing reading these posts

My goodness, thank you for so many, genuine, helpful replies.
I'm glad we're here supporting each other through these funny, challenging old years.

DP and I have returned from a night away, after a few drinks and a belly full of food I think we headed for bed just before 9, no nookie, just flaked out. Woke with lots of moans and groans about our achy backs because if the bed!! Now just three years ago we would of been doing the deed well into the early hours!!

Driving home he commented at how fast January had gone by and that it was now already history. That made me think I've only had 45 January's (luckily, and hope and prey I get many more) but all this time just keeps on flying by. Pretty soon I'll be possibly be posting the same question but about our 50' to 60's.....

I’m 50 and suddenly look constantly tired. Bags under eyes and my neck has gone. My best features are nothing special now (nice hands now puffy and a bit weathered, pretty eyes now a bit dulled). I was never, ever a looker so I thought the loss of what I had wouldn’t matter but it does.

I’m also sadder. Less hopeful. More resigned to humans being stupid. Our politics are in the biggest mess of my lifetime - and I always thought we were relatively well served by our politicians and institutions but it turns out they are not fit for purpose and we have been sleep walking into danger. I am in despair about what’s happening to women. The talk at Warwick, the porn takeover, the capitulation to a certain sort of man with a fetish in the name of diversity. I feel alienated from millennials with their social media and daft eyebrows (this is my fault I know and I look forward to my children getting older and seeing it all through their eyes so I see more than the narcissism and vacuousness that you get from a distance).

And seeing people suffer. Children falling ill, loved friends fighting in intensive care, parents physically deteriorating.

It’s not all bad. I’m blessed with my children, family and work. I have my health. I am clear sighted about what matters. I don’t tolerate any bullshit and that saves a lot of time.

Fundamentally it’s all better than the alternative. Oh and an end to winter would be nice. We all need a bit of springtime right now.

As a few people have mentioned, this thread is very helpful and reassuring. Being in denial, I don't really want to go 'full menopause' forum, but this has made me feel less alone. As well as encouraging me to speak more to my friends, the closest of which are 40-49....

I find the sight thing very interesting - almost everyone has mentioned it and mine have changed dramatically in 6 months. As if people who don't already wear glasses, all start needing them in their 40s.

Has anyone else had heart palpitation in peri menopause? They come and go, but are very obvious - When I take my pulse I can literally feel my heart miss a beat every few beats, then speed up. By the time I decide to see a doctor it goes again. Obvs.

Heart palpitations yes and made worse by alcohol and caffeine.

My optician told me that those that have had good eyesight take the age related deterioration worst as we've taken our good sight for granted. He said it's nothing to do with poor eyesight and everything to do with muscle deteriorating so the sense can't contract as much to focus on near things. Presbyopia or something. Glad it's not just me, my sight is my biggest annoyance especially as my DD as an allergy and I NEED to read every label.

lense can't contract not sense!

lens

www.visiondirect.co.uk/eye-care-centre/what-is-presbyopia

Has anyone else had heart palpitation in peri menopause? They come and go, but are very obvious - When I take my pulse I can literally feel my heart miss a beat every few beats, then speed up. By the time I decide to see a doctor it goes again. Obvs.
Id forgot about theses.
I'd be sat still and my heart was jumping out my chest.
I've not had that fur a long time - but rarely drink these days so maybe that's it

Yeah I get heart palpitations, some of them I've felt like I was about to die. GP referred me for CBT as she said I was having panic attacks, but as I didn't feel panicky they didn't know what to do with me! Tests showed the palpitations but said nothing serious. They come and go.

Jowls and belly. And impossible to improve the belly without making the jowls even saggier.

I'm a lot fitter at 49 than I was at 40, though. Largely because I've recognised some lifelong physical issues that became unbearable in my late 30s, the pain is being treated appropriately and I know how to nip new niggles in the bud.

My parents wore eyeglasses from their early 20s so I feel extremely privileged I got to ~44 without them.

My parents were fatter, less financially secure, less fit, and more unhappy at my age. And a lot more worried about their children, too. I feel almost blessed. No complaining at all from me.

I had my first "invisible" night last Saturday....However I didn't entirely hate it. It meant that I got up and started dancing to "Come On Eileen" like a loon and didnt give a shiny shit what the men in the room thought of me. It was a bit liberating tbh.

Love it, I'd be doing the same!

I suppose it boils down to whether you want physical admiration and I've realised that I really don't want to be chatted up by random men. I've never been gorgeous but I'm nice-looking and laugh a lot so would usually get some attention, not so much now. I still get some from late 40s-plus men (if there's any around!), but I'm so not interested!

It's almost like being a child again, when looks didn't matter and having fun with your friends was more important. I like it.