40's? From 40 to 49, what's changed?

[thinkingisharderthandoing]

So from approaching the 40's to approaching the 50's. How's that decade been?
I'm 45 this year......still feeling like I have a youngish streak, but realising I'm not so youngish as I may want to be.
It's a weird age.
How have you felt and dealt with it?

I'm 48, almost 49 and just recently I feel like the realisation of my advancing age is really starting to hit me.

I now need reading glasses but I wear multifocal contact lenses (I'm also short sighted) so no-one knows my 'secret' apart from my optometrist.

During my 40s, I fell into bad habits after a traumatic relationship breakdown and job change. I stopped exercising and instead I comfort ate. I arrived at age 48 grossly overweight (by 5 stone!), in bad shape and miserable (and disgusted with myself). I used to be superfit and slim and the 48 year old looking back at me in the mirror was unrecognisable. I looked like a fat middle aged woman.

So I got my shit together, got a hardcore personal trainer and got my fat arse down the gym. That was just over 7 months ago. I've now lost almost all the 5 stone (4 pounds to go) and I'm much fitter. Everyone tells me how great I look. It had given me my confidence back but as I approach 49, the penny is dropping that although I look good for my age, I am a middle aged woman still. I'm old.

I did a HIIT class last Sun morning and was talking to the super-fit female instructor afterwards about how getting older sucked and how I've become invisible to men. In this case it was triggered because I was ignored during the class by the two men in my team when we were planning rowing strategy (team that did the greatest distance in the time won but we also had to do other exercises so strategy was key). I didn't bother arguing back but I felt frustrated at my opinion being ignored (especially because they didn't realise that I use to row competitively internationally so I probably knew more about rowing than the entire class put together). It made me wonder if they would have paid attention if I'm been a 20 something rather than a 40 something. I felt like I was blanked because I was a middle aged woman. Anyway, I was telling the instructor this and she said to me "I hope I'm as fit as you are when I'm your age". Talk about a back-handed compliment. It made me realise that by late 40s, there is no getting away with not looking middle aged. You can look young for your age but you just look a younger middle aged rather than younger if that makes sense. My personal trainer is amazing but he can't work miracles and turn the clock back. It's a sad realisation and I wish I could have carried on fooling myself that I'm not that old.

I also worry about my father. He is my only close living relative and the one person I speak to on a regular basis. He is 77 and I worry about how badly I will handle it if/when something happens to him. I think I will fall apart and not want to carry on. But then I started worrying about what will happen if I die when I'm still alone. Who will clear my home? What will happen to my things? Will I be left for days before I'm found? I promise you all that I'm not usually this morbid/miserable but this realisation of mortality and being alone has hit me hard this January. Perhaps because I'm in a bad place anyway (my job was cut in Dec and the job market is dead so I'm living off my savings and worrying so much about the future - like so many people are).

I am trying hard to convince myself that 50 is the new 40. But in these dark times (for the UK with Brexit) and in the depths of winter, it's a hard sell.

I'm 48. I'm probably going to regret saying this, but I'm fitter than I've ever been, going to the gym, parkrun, daily yoga.

I'm sleeping much more than for years. Children are older, bit more self sufficient.

More time for work, so bit more money. Spending that on haircuts, nice makeup, clothes.

Sex drive accelerated last year, to the point I was pretty much offered an affair, which thankfully we were sensible enough to sidestep.

Much more confident.

Downsides are I get waves of hormones, periods are unpredictable, had the odd migraine. Definitely lost some muscle tone, more interested in firming moisturiser.

I would say that I had a particularly challenging late 30's, as I was unwell after my DS2 was born, and I lost my dad. Took a good few years to get back on track.

I’ve gained lots of weight with the menopause, along with lots of aches and pains and don’t feel young any more at all.

I don’t feel old, but certainly not young.

i Also divorced four years ago, so that might have contributed

I feel as though I've aged a lot since 45 and that's only been two years - it's like I've aged 10 years overnight. I suddenly look old

Eyesight starts to go
Tits start to droop
Eyelids as above
Hair gets grey
Hands go crabby
I'll stop now

Lovely to hear the positive posts

I'm a few months away from turning 50, and i know exactly where the last ten years have gone - bringing up our autistic son He turns 10 in the summer, and he takes an awful lot of effort due to his disabilities.

I'm even more overweight than I was when I turned 40, but my thyroid has packed up so I'm on medication for that (yes, I know it's not really an excuse!). I know I have to shift some weight. Honest.

My eyesight has always been poor, so no change there.

I've got an odd elbow pain at the moment, and my legs and feet occasionally ache. I strained my back for the first time a couple of weeks ago, bending over to an Iceland freezer, of all places.

But I really don't feel any different. Bits of me are definitely getting a little worn out, I was expecting that. Mentally, I'm still a 25 year old!

45 and I feel i look much older than I did at 40, gravity is really starting to take a hold on my face! I'm lucky in that I have not a single grey hair, and up until a few years ago people always thought I was 10 years younger than I am, but those sort of comments are starting to dry up (bit like my face). I could do with losing a stone and I think that would make a difference but I'm too damn lazy. No sign of the menopause yet....every time it's a bit warm in work I ask anxiously if anyone else is hot and heave a sigh of relief when they say yes!

40-45 wasn't any different to my late 30s. But from 45 onwards everything is starting to change!!

I went grey. Massively grey!
My perfect eyesight failed at 49 and I got my first reading glasses.
My periods are still regular, but shorter and heavier (and painful for the first time ever).
My mood is awful, up and down, and ridiculously emotional.
I don't seem to cope with things as well as I used to.
I hobble for the first ten steps in the morning!
On top of all that our parents are now needing more looking after.

Tuesday I'm envious. I'm just the opposite regarding sex drive.

I'm 48 and in the last 18 months it's dropped off a cliff. My husband is brilliant and sweet and understanding, but I know he misses it. Hell, I miss it. It's like I've lost something that was part of young, sparky me. I can go through the motions, but find it upsetting and difficult. I don't really know what to do about it, and the thought of not having sex or being a sexual woman for the rest of my life now is bleak.

Aside from that, eyesight. No glasses at all until I was 43 and needed reading glasses. For me, middle age can be summed up in one word. Varifocals.

50 this year. I'm no heavier than I was 10 years ago and I'm stronger and a lot more toned so enjoying clothes shopping and wearing more. Eyesight was always shit but I can no longer read a menu in low light. Still love my job, and my social, cultural and sex lives are picking up now that kids are old enough to be left alone for a few hours. Have refreshingly few fucks to give. Am a bit greyer and wrinklier but in recent weeks two people have separately remarked that I must have had my children really young (I didn't) and a thirtysomething colleague asked if I was 40 yet. Assume I'm menopausal but have a Mirena so can't tell

I'm 48. My 40s have included having DS and all my 3DC are still at primary school.

I don't feel like I'm aging yet. I'm slimmer and fitter than I was at 40. No sign of the menopause which probably helps. Obviously I don't look how I did in my mid 30s but I had problems then because I looked so young I wasn't taken seriously at work. Now I look like I have experience and get listened to. Although I was told by one young gun that mothers in their 40s weren't ambitious. Got a job working for a man my age who was more sensible.

I don't put up with other people's nonsense any more. Nor do I care what they think. It is enormously liberating.

The best thing is that as my eyesight gets even crapper, my wrinkles and fine lines have disappeared! AMAZING

What a great post.

I am a bit worried that if I lose weight it will age my face. Don’t they say: it’s face or arse at our age?

I’m 51, 52 this year. Honestly, I’ve struggled. Whilst I’m more comfortable in my own skin around what level of bs I will tolerate, I’m very bizarrely bothered by the loss of ‘my young self’. I went into early menopause at 40, took me 5 years to realise. My skin has changed, I can’t just cut back a bit to lose weight, my eyesight is deteriorating and I have arthritis. It feels like my body is growing old without my permission.

It is a weird age:stage. In some ways you feel better and empowered (I really have no fucks to give with bitchiness/office politics and the friends I have are never difficult or non-supportive, or needy.

But I do feel my femininity has diminished. I hate myself for buying into the stereotype but feelings are feelings, right?

Night sweats, and insomnia that's what I'm dealing with! I used to sleep ok but I'm so tired all the time. Friends all reporting similar issues so certainly not alone

Pb and needing varifocals - we both have them now, came pretty much overnight at 42/43

OP I'm the same age as you. I turn 45 later this year.

I went through an early menopause with the first signs starting at 29 and all finished by 35. It was tough at the time. I had to give up on conceiving baby no 2. I felt my life was over and I had lots of physical changes e.g. carrying weight differently (and gaining a couple of stone), my face aged, my hair thinned. Also I struggled with poor mental health for a while.

It's only typing this I've just realised it's been 10 years pretty much since I last had a period . I'm finally on some good HRT which suits me. My body shape is better (I have a waist) although it's a bit wider than it used to be! I am so happy not to be dealing with periods any more and I'm more stable emotionally. I don't give a single fuck what I look like. But then I never did really!

So I suppose like you I'm wondering what the next 5 years will bring but I also feel like most of the big changes pps are talking about on this thread are menopause rather than age related. I've been there and survived to tell the tale and there's plenty of fun to be had out the other side!

50 this year.

My forties have brought me two close family bereavements and a painful relationship break up. The combination of those things took me (finally) off to counselling, which was an unexpected life-saver. As a consequence of that, I'm less of a people-pleaser.

I think my looks have held their own (good genes), but I was never one of those 'pretty' girls/women anyway, so am not worried about being chatted up, although I do notice men looking sometimes. I will never have another relationship and am fully at peace with that. I've invested too much time and emotion over the years for too little reward and if what I wanted was never out there, then so be it.

I am slimmer than at the start of the decade, primarily because I drink less alcohol. This in turn is because I take my mental health a hell of a lot more seriously. I take notice of it and seek to manage it (see: bereavements/counselling above). I cut myself much, much more slack in life than I did in my twenties and thirties.

I would like to improve my energy and stamina. More exercise required. That's a key plan of the next phase. That, and sorting out my career, which has begun to trundle due to structures at work. I need to take decisive action on this.

The WORST thing about this age is the desire to do EVERYTHING and also needing to be in bed by 10.

Me too! I want to get on and do everything I want/need to...but I can't stay up late!

45 this year: Eyesight deteriorating. Using reading glasses sometimes and will probably end up with them on a chain around my neck.

Annoying grey temples that have to be dealt with every few weeks.

Achy lower back and shoulders esp. when I'm travelling.

On the plus side, I don't give a monkey's what anyone thinks of me any more and I live life the way I want to.

Also, the children are growing up and I'm thankful every day that we've got this far with no serious mishaps. My upbringing was loving but far less stable than theirs, and I'm glad we've been able to give them that.

I'll be exiting my 40s this year: fatter, tireder and slightly greyer than I came into them. As others have said above, I used to pass for younger but now definitely look my age, with the saggy jowls and vanishing waist to show for it, but I frankly can't be bothered to starve myself to lose the weight (which I gather is the only way, during and after menopause) and I really don't mind the wrinkles or grey hair or invisibility. I need to get off the couch and exercise more, but tbh that's not new. The hardest thing has been losing people, including my DDad, and just a feeling that this is it - I'm not at the start of my career, I'm plodding along and that doors that once were open to me are now closed; I'm probably not going to see all the places I thought I would, as all our spare cash goes on the kids and the house, more or less in that order. But on the other hand, I'm here and here is pretty good: I like my job, I love DH and he loves me, DC are great and the house is nearly ours. So on balance, I'm content, and secure and I feel grateful, mainly.

47 here! I'm ignoring the failing eyesight for now, I look like a mad old woman in glasses
I'm very slim, have remained so since a I was a teen, despite everyone telling me 'I'll lump it on eventually' Maybe I will once I hit 50?
I dress like I always have, bit of an indie kid, so mini skirts, stripey sweatshirts, opaque coloured tights etc Do I need to change? I don't know, I feel like me dressed like this but I worry I look a bit daft!
I struggle with the invisible thing, I was a bit of head turner when I was younger so it's weird suddenly being so insignificant.
I mostly hate getting old, I feel like I'm not ready, I miss my youth. I'm writing this tucked up in bed waiting for my teen dc to come and say goodnight. Bed is literally my favourite thing these days!