40's? From 40 to 49, what's changed?

[thinkingisharderthandoing]

So from approaching the 40's to approaching the 50's. How's that decade been?
I'm 45 this year......still feeling like I have a youngish streak, but realising I'm not so youngish as I may want to be.
It's a weird age.
How have you felt and dealt with it?

Placemarking for later

I really wonder where all my 40s went, it seems to have flown by.

Whilst I feel in a better place than ever mentally, and I don't really care if I look my age, I have had some physical health problems - the sort that I didn't expect to get until my 70s - even though I'm fit and exercise regularly and eat well. I've got friends who've had cancer and other horrible things, and people are also coping with sick parents or parents dying. My parents are both likely to die within the next year or so based on their age and health conditions.

I really notice a lot of younger people around at work too (I'm self-employed) and as I have some friends with good pensions they are starting to think about retiring at 55 - or at least taking pensions whilst working very part time. I'm not going to be able to do that, I'm still thinking about developing my business, but I do worry that work might dry up because of my age. I also wish I'd put more money into my pension sooner - I have saved on and off since I was 25, but there have sometimes been breaks when I just couldn't afford it. I don't think I took my retirement seriously enough.

My DD will go off to university in a couple of years, and I'm not sure how I will be living alone again. I guess all this creates a lot of uncertainty really that I didn't have at 40 still in the primary years of child rearing.

I also sometimes get patronised in shops etc.

Oh I should have said I'm 50!

Reading this, I think we're all recognising that in our 40s, we can't rely on our looks anymore, which is freeing in many ways! What's inside is definitely more important and we can continue to develop that. We'll probably all be around for a few decades, so we may as well.

Skin care and exercise do make a big difference, but they're not magic wands. I know a few people IRL who seem desperate to appear younger and it's slightly painful to watch.

See what I hate about the invisibility thing though is it makes me feel a bit crap! I’ve realised I used to quite enjoy a bit of flirty banter or being chatted up in a bar. Ok some guys I would have rather they didn’t talk to me! Lol. But it felt like one day it just all stopped and I was no longer seen as desirable, well I wasn’t seen at all! Maybe if I was happily married I wouldn’t have needed the ego boost! But honestly I quite liked it for the most part. I know I’m not supposed to be admitting that but I’m being brutally honest! It does have its up sides, but it took some getting used to.

I never looked better than at 40, truly. By 43 it had all gone and the decline was rapid and shocking. Ten years on strangely I feel great again, kind of ‘ripe’ at 50.

My circumstances right now are horrible, nevertheless with that comes a confidence.

Perhaps I’m having a last surge of hormones, my long dead libido is definitely lurking again despite no partner, and I’ve noticed a little male interest lately which has come as a pleasant surprise.

I feel there are still possibilities and adventures to come., friends to make, places to go and hopefully a lover or two.

A good nights sleep would be more than welcome though.

Agree with most of the physical ones (droppy eyelids, spreading feet & widening waist).

But emotionally it has been harder; my parents are ageing - dad has dementia- and all their circle of friends are ill and dying.

Many marriages are breaking down, mid-life crises are abundant, as are mental health issues; there seem to be a lot of dysfunctional men about. Some are treading water in unhappy relationships, or divorcing.

If I could go back in life with the knowledge & confidence I have now........

I'm 49 and more comfortable in my own skin than I've ever been. My kids are all grown, only 2 left living with me and they're all great company. I split with my husband a few years ago and am single after a relationship of a year and a half which I ended as I couldn't be arsed with his issues that he wasn't prepared to do anything about. I'm slimmer, have excellent hair and look younger than my age. I dress for me and don't give a shit what other people think. I've started an access course and will move on to a degree at the end of it. Most of all, I'm content.

For me the menopause was like a second puberty.
Strips away all the petty stuff And makes you really look at your life.

At with 54 I now do light weight training every other day.
I've always walked a lot and mostly drink water and half a mug of orange juice daily.
A Well balanced diet, rich in protein.
I've actually 'deliberately ' put on 10 lbs because I was starting to look frail and scrawny, but with the weight training it suits me.

I've never looked so good.
I'm strong and healthy.
My waisted goes in.
My hair is long with blond streaks I have done once a year.

My anxiety has been replaced by true inner confidence thanks to CBT I got through work.
I'm nicer than I've ever been.

I enjoy my job and am getting another qualification after 18 months of stretching my brain.

Me and dh got through our mid life crisis after a very long and difficult period. Our relationship is better than it ever has been and we are enjoying a new honeymoon period.
Sex for me is better than ever.
The kids have left home so I have money too :)

But it was a long old road to get here. I didn't think I was going to make it.
I can honestly say it's the happiest I've ever been.

There is light at the end of the tunnel.

44 and reading with interest. I don't think my mum or grandma had any random facial hair, so hope to not get them either. I have semi-grey temples but my younger sister took after DF and has been completely grey since about 35 (she dyes though, I would have left it if it were me!)

I thought the real leaving of youth doesn't start till nearly 50...my periods are closer together and PMS is bad sometimes, and I am tired and ready for bed earlier than in the past, but I thought it is more to do with a 4year old who still wakes up most nights and makes sure to wake me up and drag me out of bed 😐 (I have a range of DC between 20+ and 4, now with 3 at home, teenager, 1 primary school, 1 pre-school)

48 and thinner and fitter than I've ever been. Confident and really don't give a toss about what other people think. Wear lovely clothes, have lovely holidays and love having teens.

Still not grey. Just starting to need glasses. Chin hairs a little bit more prominent. But no sign of the menopause for me yet.

Divorced around 3 years ago and having a lovely time dating.

Can't lose half a stone in a week like I used to, and insomnia strikes alot. If I lose too much weight my neck goes a bit crap.

I'm having a lovely time still.

I need this thread. I’m feeling so sad and as if everything is changing for the worse. Suddenly.

I’m 47, and at 40 I had a 2 year old and was pregnant with number 2. However, I looked younger, behaved younger, and (apart from the baby tiredness) felt younger than 40. Hell, at 45 I still felt good. It helps that I’m a slim size 6/8, don’t really wear grown up clothes, work in media with a lot of younger people..... I just didn’t feel grown up.

But in the last 12 months my sight has deteriorated considerably, I’m knackered, I’ve started to have heart palpitations (peri menopause??), I’m anxious (but I do have a stressful year with a possible move of country) and I’m UGLIER. I’ve never been very pretty but I scrub up ok and used to feel ok. Now I feel I look like shit.
And my parents are old and ill. Which makes me more worried and stressed.

DH is 6 years younger than me and looks young for his age - I used to joke that we would end up like Richard and Judy, now it feels less of a joke.

It’s a relief to hear it’s not just me. Even though I’m working out what it is, it helps to know I’m not going mad.

Thanks for reading my rant x

People all confident as their menopause hasn't started yet... just wait.

@WendyCope my menopause is well and truly here

Please don't give up people.
I thought I'd sail through the menopause - I didn't.

Wish I'd been more prepared.
So if I could go back in time this ha the advise I'd give myself to make my journey easier .

Develop a good exercise routine - do a little bit each day.

Eat as healthy as you can but treat yourself too.

Drink plenty of water and get out in the fresh air.

Try to adopt a positive attitude.
Pick your battles - if it doesn't matter let it go.

My anxiety, which I thought was depression increased.
I was forced to tackle this with CBT.
Best thing I ever did. Now I can manage it very well and any depression has long gone - over 3 years.

And connect with others.
With nothing to prove I'm finding so many interesting woman to chat too - but keep it
Light.

Women are born nurturers.
Nurture your sons / daughters.
Nurture each other.
And nurture yourself.

Seriously we can do this and that makes us the stronger sex.

This isn't make bashing.
Men are strong in different ways.

Sorry 'male' bashing lol

Great posts, Robin.

I bet all the women on here who are calling themselves ugly really, really aren’t.

There’s a lot to be said for confidence and an inner glow that comes with maturity.

This thread is really resonating.

I’m 47 and am really discombobulated by the fact that having looked pretty much the same for decades I now look different. I’m a stone overweight- that went on in three months when I cut out my walk to and from the station. My hair is grey which I sometimes like and sometimes don’t.
My big toe hurts, I think it’s the beginning of arthritis.

For me like otters it all happened really quickly, I looked just the same at 43 as 33 really.

Three out of four parents/in laws have died injure past few years which has been really tough too. And quite a couple of friends are very very ill too.

So I think it is grim. Maybe when I hit my fifties I’ll hit my stride again

I bet all the women on here who are calling themselves ugly really, really aren’t.

There’s a lot to be said for confidence and an inner glow that comes with maturity.*

Exactly.
And with no periods no PMT

This thread is really interesting. I've never had this conversation before.

I'm almost 44. So far I have no greys but my parents went grey late so that's no suprise.

Skin is OK thanks to my sunscreen obsession. But still I do have to wear tinted moisturiser most days, I look absolutely knackered barefaced. (Laura Mercier Illuminating one, a lifeline)

Also on the Mirena, so I suspect I will go through peri menopause without noticing much. At least that's what people say! I intend to basically use it like HRT.

I'm also "lucky" enough to have utterly shit eyesight and wear contacts, so am hoping if my prescription changes it won't make much difference. DH though has had to get glasses this year and it bothers him a lot. He refused to carry them around with him, insisting they're just reading glasses, but yesterday he had to sign something in a garage and he couldn't read what he was signing and was a bit depressed he was now going to be one of those guys that has to take out glasses in front of people just to sign his name in the right place.

Also haven't had any parents in several years. My 30s were hugely traumatic with their slow declines and deaths, but I am conscious that it means I am "freer" than some of my friends in their late 40s/50s who are taking care of both kids and parents.

However I had kids around the turn of my 40s so I am still in the nappy stage and I do envy my friends who are now enjoying "me time". That is far off for me and my fitness and waistline have suffered as a result.

Sex drive has also diminished hugely. Or rather, I am still interested in my head but am always so tired that I just can't be arsed. DH is the same. At least we communicate about it and we refuse to let it stop entirely.

I had my first "invisible" night last Saturday. Out in a bar full of hot young things in the company of other 40 something women and nobody even glanced in our direction. It was a suprise as I've always been considered good looking and I was accustomed to being chatted up at the bar. But I may as well have been wearing camouflage. However I didn't entirely hate it. It meant that I got up and started dancing to "Come On Eileen" like a loon and didnt give a shiny shit what the men in the room thought of me. It was a bit liberating tbh.

You can really feel the positivity from some posts and I think there is something in that. If you expect this age to be awful, it will be.Lets take this kick up the backside , if we need it, and be the best we can be at any age.
I second getting outside. Since getting a dog 3 years ago, my daily 45min brisk walk over fields has been a life saver, physically and mentally. The fact that I have to walk my dog gets me out in all weathers and moods.

On a cheerful note, I was at a party last night with about a dozen women almost all from early to late 40s. I don't think that you could have picked the three of us who turn 50 this year out from the others!