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Original poster

can she force this adoption?

367 replies

rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 14:51

My brother has 3 children, one of which has a different mother from the other 2 and he hasn't seen since she was a baby. He has a very close relationship with his other DC.

Mother of his DD was very emotional/unstable/angry/bitter and put up a lot of hoops/emotional blackmail ringing up to 50 times a day etc, he ended up blocking all contact with her. When his DD was 3 years old he wrote letters asking for contact, offering contact centre or supervision from family member etc. He received no replies so went through a mediator, who was also blanked by the mother. Presents and cards for his DD were returned.

DD is now 7 and the mother has asked if he will consent to her being adopted by her partner, who has been with the mother since dd was 2.

Brother does not want to consent to this. Does anyone know much about what happens if he does not consent? Is a court likely to grant the adoption because of the lack of contact between my brother and his dd?

He has been paying maintenance for years and the mother has also kept in contact with our father , dd calls him grandpa.

OP posts:
Original poster
rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 18:13

Thank you to all who have given constructive advice. I have just had a phonecall from him and he imhas informed me he is going to CAB asap to get help with seeking contact with his DD.

OP posts:
ILoveMaxiBondi · 27/01/2019 18:20

And just like that the fear that has paralysed him for 7 years is gone! It’s a miracle!

WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 27/01/2019 18:20

@Fontofnoknowledge if you knew anything at all about the subject you're claiming to be an expert on you would know that not being in her life for all of her 7 years is a very valid reason for a judge to grant an adoption. Whether you agree with that or not.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families Family law
WhyDontYouComeOnOver · 27/01/2019 18:23

What a bell end. Just goes to show his daughter means nothing to him.

WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 27/01/2019 18:23

I suspect there will be no update as the report and a judge will agree with the majority here.

SimplySteve · 27/01/2019 18:34

@PositivelyPERF Shit, I hadn't even considered that. When you say adult children you're talking 18+ with no upper limit, yes? Just for complete clarity.

Original poster
rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 18:37

I will definitely be updating!

OP posts:
Original poster
rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 18:39

Whatever he decided to do would be slated by you lot !!!!!

OP posts:
Loseitandkeepitlost · 27/01/2019 18:40

He could have gone to court and had contact with his child in a contact centre.

It is odd that he is willing to go to court to fight the adoption but wouldn’t go to establish contact.

I do think that many children would have an issue if their mother hindered contact with their father but I don’t think your brother can legitimately claim he fought for his child either.

If he’s willing to go to court now then he could have gone 7 years ago. CAB would have helped with forms if he needed it. He didn’t bother. It’s really is as simple as that.

Treebauble · 27/01/2019 18:41

Roly, I would never slate a man who was present in his child's life and supportive of that child's mother's struggle with mental health.

SimplySteve · 27/01/2019 18:43

Well yes. His daughter is SEVEN ffs. Seven years out of her life. This little girl doesn't need his ego, coz that's what it sounds like. I'd fight like fuck, walk through fire, take a bullet but like fuck would I have been out of their lives like that. And yeah, personal experience is dictating my view.

SimplySteve · 27/01/2019 18:45

My children are my world, my everything, it's really that simple.

Original poster
rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 18:47

Ultimately if he wants to now go to court because this adoption request has made him think harder about the situation then he has a right to do that.

OP posts:
WhyDontYouComeOnOver · 27/01/2019 18:50

Oh he has the right. But is he going to think about what's actually best for the child instead of himself? Probably not. These types don't usually.

SimplySteve · 27/01/2019 18:56

he has a right to do that.

Legally, yes. Morally, no, imo. This isn't about the child, his ego cannot take another man superseding him. The child has a settled life yet he wants to disrupt that, his daughter will suffer as a result. If he cared he'd approve the adoption. But no, he can't do that because of his pathetic male pride.

Original poster
rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 18:59

From what I have read the courts will grant gradual phased contact because they will want to give him a chance and recognise the importance of the child's right to a relationship with her bio father and also her half siblings.

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 27/01/2019 19:00

Unfortunately as a teacher I see all too often the fall out between parents on the children. Children's don't really care who's at fault, all they care about is not being let down. Not seeing a parent for 7 years is very significant. Your niece will have been affected by this, and as it sounds like your DB didn't appear to make an effort to maintain regular contact, she will see it as him abandoning her, not as her mum preventing contact. Your niece may well really wish for her step dad to adopt her, it would be a very significant event for her moving on. Her wishes will be paramount in any decision making. She will be very confused as to why her absent father is preventing this from happening, and may well have massive impact on her mental health.
This issue is not about how your DB feels, it's about the impact his lack of contact will have had on his child. Turning up now will not change that. You'd DB needs to be the bigger person and realise that actually, the best gift he can now give his daughter is to agree to the adoption.

Original poster
rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 19:03

How can a 7 year old who is not aware of all the facts of the situation make a decision to be adopted when she has a bio dad who wanted/wants contact?! It's for cafcass to investigate and act in her best interests, the mother cannot divorce herself from her resentment.

OP posts:
Loseitandkeepitlost · 27/01/2019 19:32

If he really wanted contact he'd have got himself to court or enlisted some help at some point in the last 7 years.

Yes courts do recognise the importance of contact, they'll also realise that your brother did very little to establish any. Asking after 3 years and sending gifts won't count for much.

myrtleWilson · 27/01/2019 19:36

He didn't really want contact though did he - he wanted the notion of contact but not enough to actually do anything about it. Even with his 'fear' of courts and all things legal, he could have quite easily engaged support. Presumably when you offered/provided support from Australia as far as you were able you also pointed him in the direction of additional support services? What was his response?

Pissedoffdotcom · 27/01/2019 19:42

Sounds like your brother has the 'i don't want you, but i don't want anybody else to have you either' attitude.

trapped2019 · 27/01/2019 19:55

Assuming that he gets contact, how is he going to explain his absence for all this time. Blame her mother? That'll go down well...

Petalflowers · 27/01/2019 19:57

I think your brother has been given a hard time. You admit he wasn’t on the scene for the first few years, but then tried to get in contact, sending presents,, letters, requesting contact etc, which were all refuted.

WH1SPERS · 27/01/2019 20:01

He is her father. It's a biological fact and cannot be written out of reality. Without an extremely good reason

An adoption order goes not alter any biological facts. It does not write anything out of reality.

Same as a divorce doesn’t “write the marriage out of reality”. We don’t tell women they can’t get divorced because it would alter facts.

The issue in dispute here isn’t biology. Everyone agree , the brother is the bio father.

It also seems there no dispute about parenting . Everyone seem to agree that the brother has never cared for this child for as much as one day.

The dispute is about whether HIS rights are more important than HER rights . And what is in her best interests now and throughout her childhood.

WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 27/01/2019 20:03

Op, how has your contact with the child been received? Have your birthday and Christmas cards and presents etc been returned, too?

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