Men on a post natal ward

[RogueV]

The guy in the next bay is pissing me right off.
He just asked the midwife for a bed. Dick.

Why are they allowed to stay anyway? Shouldn’t they be going home?

Sorry just ranting.

Ew that's great if you didn't nearly die giving birth

Did that twice too.

Instead there should be more rooms available
Ironically that’s the only way I’d have felt safe with my DH not staying with me. If I was in a separate room I wouldn’t have felt so vulnerable to other people’s DHs and visitors. On the open ward I sort of felt like I needed my own DH with me to protect me from other people if necessary.

Ew so if you've experienced how horrible that is, why would you deny women the support of their husbands and make it harder? Anything to make it easier in my opinion!

I breastfed for a total of 5 years, the only time I felt uncomfortable was on a post-natal ward. A man sat opposite me with his partner and baby and constantly stared at me discreetly breast feeding. Just what you need after an emergency C-section where they accidentally cut a major blood vessel and you have had nine months of all day sickness. He did nothing to help look after his partner or baby but he did manage to make 3 other women feel vulnerable and stressed. Limits need to be imposed unless you are in a single room.

The midwives on my ward were horrendous, refusing to help and making horrible comments when asked for help. I experienced and witnessed so much awful behaviour, I have no idea why they work in the job they do. I've spoken to other mums who gave birth at the same hospital who had similar experiences. I wish I had complained at the time or soon after. The thought of them still there making vulnerable women feel like that makes me feel awful.

I had a side room but we got completely forgotten about, no checks on the baby or me (which was the reason we were still there) and no help with feeding despite repeated asking. The floor was filthy (I had black socks from walking to the toilet and back) and we had to buy hand gel as there was none. My husband stayed to help me but was told he couldn't use the en-suite so had to walk off the ward entirely to a different part of the (massive) hospital. Obviously leaving our room meant passing through the ward so it made no sense at all.

If I ever had another I would self discharge before going through that again (darker aspects not mentioned here as not relevant but the whole experience was awful).

The bigger question is why maternity services are so bad in this country and why women are expected to put up with so much. As PP mentioned it would never work on another ward, relying on partners to cover staffing levels.

What other term would you use for being numb and immobilised from the chest down?

Not paralysed.

They don't move you from recovery to the ward until conditions are met, these include the spinal having worn off to a certain extent - usually down to mid-abdomen - and movement starting to return to your legs, you should be able to wiggle your toes and raise them even if it's only a small amount. Full sensation takes a little longer but movement should start to return within 30-60 minutes of getting to recovery. If you were paralysed and flat on your back you wouldn't have been taken to the normal post-natal ward.

Bow I'd have hated an open ward. I was on one for a few hours and DH got me a private room because I get anxious in crowds and without him around so argued that we needed one on those grounds. Luckily we got one and had our own bathroom.

More than people's husbands, what I found annoying was women using my bathroom! My room was behind a door with a bathroom on the left and then another door to my bedroom. Other women kept coming in and using it despite a sign saying it was private.

If they're being loud and offencive then they should be told I also think you should ask for a side room if your struggling and there a little longer than others however I have to disagree that men should not be allowed on the ward to stay over they need to bond and support their wives/partners too and I am all for their equal rights they should not be made to feel uncomfortable or unwelcome by other women or midwives they are just as important.

Most hospitals now do enhanced recovery where they get you up and walking to the shower and loo around 4-5 hours after surgery.

4 hours after my surgery would have been 2am. Nobody even attempted to get me up until after breakfast. I doubt there were enough staff at night to even attempt it. There was nobody around at all apart from the lady who poked her head round the curtain every few hours.

Ew so if you've experienced how horrible that is, why would you deny women the support of their husbands and make it harder?

For all the reasons myself and others have stated on the thread. It is a medical space for women to recover from childbirth, non-patients should not be encroaching on that space.

Tbh I probably needed the midwife to change the baby once or twice - there are extended daytime visiting hours, the spinal soon wears off, especially with time in recovery - you’re soon up and about.

The hardest one was ds2 who was in an incubator, but it was still a short time.

I don't see why it's appalling? I wish my DP was allowed to stay. I could hardly move after my c-section and was having to force myself to do things I shouldn't have been doing afterwards as I had no help.

First baby: visiting times strictly imposed, no visitors before 12. Mornings were for the new mothers to rest, chat, get a shower in peace.

Last baby: no overnight stays, thank goodness, but open season for partners visiting during the day. Woke up the morning after my section to find the partner of Mrs Opposite Bed plonked across from me. He was fine, but it was disconcerting.
The partner of the next occupant of that bed wasn't so pleasant, he stared at me as I tried to feed my baby, and there was a floor length window at the end of the bay, beside my bed. When I was able to get up, the midwives helped me to a chair beside my bed. I had a catheter in and they'd my nightie rolled up. He kept coming over "to look out the window" aka hovering round me as I sat naked from the waist down, legs akimbo. I wasn't sure if I could make it back to the bed without exposing myself more, so sat there trying to cover myself up.

Then the partner of the woman in the bed beside me made loud comments about having to hear me eat through the curtain - he was sitting about a foot away with the curtain between us. Apparently I was "fucking noisy". I ended up leaving most of my food because I was so embarrassed.

Before I had kids, I would have said that women who are "funny" about men being around them in that sort of setting were being old fashioned, prudish, precious. I've never minded being examined by a male doctor etc. As I get older, I've changed my mind. Of course women need support after birth, but more staff is the answer, not someone's clueless hubby. Everyone rushes to claim their Nigel is lovely etc, and if all the men on wards were lovely then there wouldn't be a problem. But you only have to read this thread, or the relationships board, to see how many dick heads there are,and I doubt any of them would be more use in a maternity ward than they are once they get home and leave everything to their wife

For all the reasons myself and others have stated on the thread. It is a medical space for women to recover from childbirth, non-patients should not be encroaching on that space.

Being in hospital alone scares the shit out of me and others. You shouldn't be able to dictate we have no support. If you don't want your husband there that's fine, don't have him. Providing people's husbands aren't walking around or loitering or being loud (remove if they are) then you shouldn't be able to insist on someone else not being supported.

You shouldn't be able to dictate we have no support.

There are staff, they're your support.

The needs of the people who don't want partners there overnight trump the needs of the ones who don't for the reasons stated.

Postnatal wards are barbaric. All women should have private rooms and en suites, with partners allowed to stay. It is a time when you need privacy and quiet. I don't want to be around other women and their babies either.

Being in hospital alone scares the shit out of me and others. You shouldn't be able to dictate we have no support

Why is this unique to maternity wards? People may feel scared on other wards (in fact maybe even more so depending on how ill they are) but don’t get their husbands to stay.

Why does your wish to feel supported usurp those of other women who don’t want to share their post natal space with random men?

I don't want to be supported by staff. I don't want to be alone when staff aren't there. I don't want strange women I don't know taking me to the toilet or helping me up.

To be fair ours was a side room. I still don't see why women should be forced to do the first night alone. Kick out anyone who's abusive but don't assume all partners will be
Having spent 7 weeks on a maternity ward due to PE, its hard enough having tpo share with 3 or 5 woman let alone 3 or 5 other men as well.

they are just as important.

Given they aren’t the patient, they’re really not, you know.

Why does your wish to feel supported usurp those of other women who don’t want to share their post natal space with random men?

To answer your first question, because giving birth is one of the most dangerous things and it involves your husband too.

Secondly because he's not walking around the ward or even talking to those other women. He's sitting by my bed, with me. It's the same principle of me not being able to stop someone listening to music or watching TV on the ward despite me personally finding it annoying. You shouldn't have the right to control someone else's actions unless they are extremely obnoxious.

I don't want to be supported by staff. I don't want to be alone when staff aren't there. I don't want strange women I don't know taking me to the toilet or helping me up.

Go private then. An NHS hospital is there to meet need. Not pander to “wants”.

@Ribbonsonabox

@FixTheBone

As for your comment about 'finding a women' frankly absurd and offensive, and speculative, you know zero about me

Well considering you think that men shouldn't have to look after their own children because they weren't around them 24/7 in the first few days after birth - like you're looking for any excuse I the world not to pull your weight - I think it's fair that I wonder how on earth a woman/women agreed to have 7 children with you.

My DH wasn't there 24 hours a day when my DD was born and spent the first 4 days of her life in hospital. They didn't allow partners to stay overnight thank god (and if they had I wouldn't have allowed him to, and he wouldn't have wanted to because he respects other women) he just came in the day - do you think he shouldn't have done his share of looking after his child when he got home then?

Half the topics are about men not being involved enough in family life and child care, the other half are about keeping us vile predators away from children and vulnerable women at all costs

What's your point? If this hurts your feelings maybe look a bit closer at the behaviour of your own sex. It always astounds me I have to say when men are completely baffled as to why we don't want them around us at all times and especially when we're vulnerable post natal patients in hospital. I suppose the revelation that it's not all about you isn't an easy pill to swallow when you have privilege.

Go private then. An NHS hospital is there to meet need. Not pander to “wants”.

You want it to pander to women who don't want someone's husband staying over though. Why does that want trump women who do want one?