Men on a post natal ward

[RogueV]

The guy in the next bay is pissing me right off.
He just asked the midwife for a bed. Dick.

Why are they allowed to stay anyway? Shouldn’t they be going home?

Sorry just ranting.

Also I should point out that my concern was not for myself but for my baby. I wasn’t able to care for him on my own after surgery. I was bleeding heavily and needed to use the shower or loo but didn’t dare leave him unsupervised, alone in a curtained cubicle surrounded by god knows who.

When DH was away at the shops I buzzed for someone to supervise the baby while I used the loo and was told we aren’t allowed, you have to look after your own baby. I didn’t dare leave him so I weed in my water jug.

@blueskiesandforests not proud, indifferent. My interest is in my baby and family.
I've given birth twice and each time no partners allowed at night, fair enough.
If he's allowed this time then that's great.
I have my curtains closed anyway, I have no interest in the other people there and neither does he.
The snoring I encountered every time was always the woman next to me and people were in and out all night anyway so I don't think men are the only things disturbing this peaceful sleep I keep seeing people imagine happens.

So would you expect the men just to visit a few hours a day?

In my hospitals so I assumed many others partners had extended visiting - 11.30 am until 9 pm IIRC. Loads of time.

To those saying they wouldn't have coped without their partner, you would, you have to, there's no alternative

And how do you suggest I would have reached my baby to feed and change him when I was lying in bed paralysed from the chest down after a c section?

Jaxtellerswife you're indifferent to how having your man on the open ward all night impacts other women, some of whom will be trying to establish breast feeding post c-section, vulnerable in night wear with their breasts out and not allowed to close their curtains because of observations.

Well aren't you lovely.

I don't think men are the only things disturbing this peaceful sleep I keep seeing people imagine happens

Personally I would not have slept in an open plan ward where anyone could push a curtain aside and take my baby. DH and I slept in shifts so there was always someone awake. If he wasn’t there I wouldn’t have slept.

And how do you suggest I would have reached my baby to feed and change him when I was lying in bed paralysed from the chest down after a c section?

Potential solutions there are that you ask for a sidecar cot if one is available (most hospitals have them now for this reason), or you get your partner to leave the cot right next to/touching your bed and when the baby wants to be out you raise the bed so you can reach in, or you buzz for the staff.

This thread makes me feel really sad. I work in a hospital where the policy is dads can stay. They are asked to remain dressed, use the visitors toilet only and not to use the patients bed. They are also told no meals are provided or beds. There are limited side rooms because it's an old building and these are prioritised for patients with babies on NNU.

Countless times I have asked men to get dressed, night and day, to get out of the bed that is there for the woman etc. We have had problems with delaying patient transfers because male partners have got into empty beds meaning we have to then get the whole thing cleaned for the patient waiting for a PN bed which then impacts on the woman waiting for the delivery suite bed that is occupied by a PN woman.

We have fought so hard to try and get more staff but our fundamental problem is that on a 30 bed Ward the babies do not count as patients. So all the hours spent doing babys IVs, obs, phototherapy, medication and feeds doesn't count. The new computer systems have slowed down dramatically giving out medication and discharges. So a midwife that technically has 10 patients actually has 20 (or more if theres twins)...but the babies don't count.

Staff morale is at rock bottom because no one is able to provide the care they want to. There's no time for real 'with woman' Midwifery any more. It's fire fighting....do the most urgent jobs....discharge as quickly as possible to free up beds....apologise over and over again.....spend hours tied to a computer instead of caring for women.

There is no wonder so many are so unhappy with their lack of care. Allowing partners to stay is an attempt to paper over the cracks is the wall.

BowBeau I was in that position too after DC 1, and wasn't allowed my curtain closed because of safety observations. That's precisely why I didn't want other people's men on the bay of 6 women all night! I had DD tucked into bed with me.

It was better when I had DC2 and 3 because although I had c-sections they were planned and didn't go wrong, so I wasn't on drips and drains as long and had a bit more mobility to pull myself to sitting at least, the first night. The hospital I had them in had the little half moon cot bays integrated into the beds, which was perfect and I think all post natal wards should have them.

This solution wouldn't work for me. I don't want 'staff' looking after my baby, I want the child's father, and I don't find being in a room with unknown females 'restful'.

It’s not an NHS hospital. It’s there to deal with your needs as a patient, not pander to your ‘wants’. My mum had back surgery a couple of years ago and could barely move for days. I’m sure she’d rather have been attended to by a family member than staff. Didn’t mean my dad could rock up and move in to the ward though. If it’s about assisting a patient, there’s no reason why post natal wards should be different to any other.

You might not find it restful, neither did I tbh, but you’d much more likely be safer and be less likely to have random men staring at your breasts/using the facilities intended for post natal women without partners having to stay.

This was on the previous thread too. Some women are so selfish. Depressing.

Sorry it IS a NHS hospital

and when the baby wants to be out you raise the bed so you can reach in, or you buzz for the staff

The same staff who refused to watch my baby while I went for a wee because it’s hospital policy that you have to look after your own baby?

I still don’t see how raising the bed would help me reach nappies and wipes, clean up and dispose of poop, change vomit covered sheets, and all the other things a newborn needs. I was paralysed from the chest down and catheterised with a massive wound in my abdomen. To suggest I should care for a newborn in that state is ludicrous.

And how do you suggest I would have reached my baby to feed and change him when I was lying in bed paralysed from the chest down after a c section?

It’s not THAT difficult. Have done it 3 times. It was so not difficult & non-dramatic I can’t even remember how I did it.

It’s not THAT difficult. Have done it 3 times.

You do realise that not everyone is the same don't you?

Yes of course but I don’t think overdramatising c sections with talks of ‘paralysis’ is particularly helpful.

@blueskiesandforests yes I am. I had an emergency Caesarian with my first and had to establish breastfeeding
My second was a fourth degree tear followed obviously by surgery and again, breastfeeding.
I've been through what you're talking about and feel perfectly comfortable to say I didn't really give anyone else a thought and I doubt they did me.
All irrelevant because if my partner isn't allowed to stay then fair enough and if he is then great.
Opinions don't amount to much.

It’s not THAT difficult. Have done it 3 times. It was so not difficult & non-dramatic I can’t even remember how I did it.

Shame you can’t remember. I’d love to know how you magically reached cot, nappies, wipes, clean sheets and clothes while lying in bed paralysed, and managed to change a newborn while lying flat on your back.

I'm really glad I had a private room. Having to share a room with a load of strange men would probably have made me sack off breastfeeding at the painful/bloody nipples stage.

It's a hideous policy. Where does it leave women who don't have someone to chaperone them? I'd be too scared to get up in the night for water or the toilet if there was a chance of running into a strange man.

@BowBeau same here, I was in awe of what was going on with my baby and I and too paranoid to really sleep anyway. Mostly just from worrying my babies were ok. Although there were plenty of people around I don't think we gave each other much thought.

I still don’t see how raising the bed would help me reach nappies and wipes, clean up and dispose of poop, change vomit covered sheets, and all the other things a newborn needs

Your partner leaves wipes, nappies, water, spare sleepsuits, etc on your over-the-bed table and puts it over the bed in your reach. They also double sheet the cot and put a folded over sheet under the babies head, firmly tucked in. If baby needs changing and no staff are available you lift them out using the method described above and everything you need is right there. If baby is sick, the folded over sheet absorbs it, you strip it off and the sheet underneath is dry. You can replace the folded over sheet or not but if baby is sick again, there is another dry sheet under the top sheet. Dirty sheets, nappies, etc get bundled up and put in the carrier bag, dropped down the side of the bed onto the floor then when staff arrive you can give them the bag.

I've done it four times.

I don’t think overdramatising c sections with talks of ‘paralysis’ is particularly helpful.

What other term would you use for being numb and immobilised from the chest down?

Not everyone has their mum able or willing to pick up the childcare for days while both parents stay on post natal wards

That's true. But those of us who do shouldn't have to miss out on the support of their partner.

Also regarding the staff issue. I don't want a strange woman I don't know helping me get dressed or walking to the loo with me. I want my husband. It's not fair to deny that support. Instead there should be more rooms available and more options for private bays.

Shame you can’t remember. I’d love to know how you magically reached cot, nappies, wipes, clean sheets and clothes while lying in bed paralysed, and managed to change a newborn while lying flat on your back

I presume I used a buzzer. It’s not as if you’re flat on your back for days.

Ew that's great if you didn't nearly die giving birth. I could barely raise my head and had to be given IV morphine so I could be wheeled down to the neonatal to see my DD as they thought she was dying.

Without my husband I'd probably have had a breakdown.

and managed to change a newborn while lying flat on your back.

You're not flat on your back though, you don't leave recovery until the spinal has worn off to mid-abdomen and you're at least partially sitting up. Your arms still work, you can bend at the waist and push with your arms to adjust your sitting position, the head of the bed can be raised/lowered to adjust seating position.

Most hospitals now do enhanced recovery where they get you up and walking to the shower and loo around 4-5 hours after surgery.