Men on a post natal ward

[RogueV]

The guy in the next bay is pissing me right off.
He just asked the midwife for a bed. Dick.

Why are they allowed to stay anyway? Shouldn’t they be going home?

Sorry just ranting.

@Sarahjconnor is that not a massive fire risk due to oxygen & gas hooked up to the back of each bed?!

You shouldn't have the right to control someone else's actions unless they are extremely obnoxious.

It’s not about their actions, it’s about their presence.

What about women whose religion would cause problems for them to be around other men? Women who have suffered physical or sexual abuse and are frightened of unknown men? A teenage mum who may feel hugely embarrassed to be around older men at an age many teenagers are coy about their bodies? Why should they have to tolerate your partner in their space, just because you dictate you “can’t cope” without him and want him there? So very selfish. All about your wants and no consideration at all about other women and how they might feel at their most vulnerable.

I am extremely, enternally grateful then that my hospital allows men to stay and that no one seemed to have any problem with it.

I had consultants traipsing in and out of my cubicle checking on the baby and discussing admittance to NICU. They talked to my DP not me as, having lost a considerable amount of blood, I was not really up to keeping a serious conversation up.
No idea how I would have established breastfeeding without my DP having to pick up the baby for me.
And then when the baby was in NICU it was walking round the hospital every few hours so I could feed my child, if I’d had no one to lean on I wouldn’t have made the 5 min walk.

Those of you who needed no help are lucky.

I was reading a thread in the middle of the night where someone was struggling in hospital with a fellow patient having visitors until 11pm. She was told it was outrageous and advised to contact PALS - eventually managed to get moved to a side ward away from the annoying patient with visitors. I am struggling to see why maternity is any different.

There are staff, they're your support.

Er, no they aren’t. They do fuck all and actively refuse to help you look after your baby, or even supervise it for five minutes while you get washed.

After my DS was born, prematurely by 6.4 weeks by urgent caesarean I was put into a ward with mums and babies and one VERY loudly snoring man. I remember being so distressed and in agony (albeit from what turned out to be trapped wind 😫) but nonetheless, it turned out I should have been in a room near my tiny baby in the SCBU where we ended up being for 3 weeks, that night in there with the dads snoring loudly really upset me & I was made to feel like a moaning cow

You want it to pander to women who don't want someone's husband staying over though. Why does that want trump women who do want one?

Because a hospital is there to meet clinical need. There’s no requirement for adult males to stay on a maternity ward and therefore if some women don’t want it, it shouldn’t be allowed to happen. It doesn’t happen on any other ward.

You’re clearly extremely selfish and unable to see beyond the end of your own nose and past your own “wants” though.

schmoobarb You can turn that argument and say why should I have to tolerate feeling anxious all night because of someone else's religion? Or someone's body issues? Either way, someone will lose.

The better solution is more private rooms, that way no one has to feel uncomfortable.

No, men should not expect to stay. Women are at their most vulnerable.

Because a hospital is there to meet clinical need

Lmao you clearly haven't been on a maternity unit recently if you think they actually meet people's needs.

But interesting you think some women not wanting something means no one should have it. I bloody hate those bedside TVs. Next time I'll insist they're removed, just because I don't like them. Good idea.

Staff do ‘fuck all’.

Dear God.

Flamingosnbears men, and indeed women, who are not patients do not have equal rights to be on a single sex hospital ward sharing space intimately with post operative and immediately postpartum women in the middle of the night.

Equal rights doesn't mean men's equal rights to full, 24/7 access to medical facilities provided for women patients at their most vulnerable.

Any man claiming he couldn't bond with his child because he wasn't allowed to sleep on the antenatal ward, and that's why he never changed a nappy or got up at 3am with a vomiting toddler or walked the floor with a colicy 6 week old, is making manipulative and nasty excuses.

So would you expect the men just to visit a few hours a day?

Yes! My hospital was 9am-9pm for parents and it was too long. The husband of the patient next to me was there the whole 12 hours every day and had his chair so close to my bed I could have stroked his hair. He only moved to go to the loo and he ate from the food trolley meant for patients. A curtain doesn't shield sound when a doctor is asking you about gynae problems or if you have had a poo that day. Even a 2 hour respite period during the day would have been a god send.

Men are not patients. Let's start treating women better please and not like uteruses on a stick designed to give birth and forever more put up with shit. Maybe if men behaved better it wouldn't be so bad, but there are plenty of threads on MN about how men behave on postnatal wards to know it's a 'class' problem (I have also worked in healthcare and have heard many horror stories from maternity colleagues)

And if you're sitting thinking "but my Nigel is lovely and respectful" or "I'm a man and I'm not like that" then start by, rather than moaning, having him look to his Male peers and think about how he can be part of changing his class for the better - and then maybe us women will be more keen to have you all around when we're vulnerable.

I'm surprised the Feminists are so concerned with the hypothetical notion of transwomen invading women's spaces, but don't seem remotely pushed about this issue.

My Mum told me that back when she gave birth, you might have 6 women to a ward. Curtains were pulled back and all the women chatted and knew each other by the end of their admission.

At 9pm when visitors had left, the tv went on, the midwives took the babies to the nursery, the ashtrays were brought out, and all the women would natter and smoke lol.
Sounds like a far better set up to me! But I'm old school.
Men these days have to poke their noses everywhere.

Seline what people don't want is other people's men on the ward at night. Hardly anyone is saying they specifically do not want their own husband there, but that men shouldn't be there because it is a women's ward, and women are in a vulnerable position, some unable to shut their curtains because they cannot move and staff need them open for post operative observations. Those very women who cannot move, have to have their curtains open, and probably have their tits out and catheter in, should not have to have your husband there all night.

The compromise is that he is there all day! You want it all and don't give a shit about anyone else!

I would have massively kicked off if my partner wasn’t allowed to stay. I really see no issue at all, they have just as much right to be next to their newborn as the mother.

There are also curtains to go around the bed space so men will only see things if you don’t close these. The midwives ask before opening. It’s a case of golden uterus syndrome and being far too precious rather than focusing on a families first few hours together. The arguments for men not being there are incredibly unfair and can be easily resolved with removal from ward if they’re being inappropriate.

I found the women without partners there most annoying. Babies screaming whilst the others are asleep and not even attempting to hold their baby or walk it in their trolley - but if it was a c section they wouldn’t have been able to anyway! (Partner needed) plus constantly pressing the loud ward bells - again wouldn’t be necessary. I actually think the babies are the most important on the post natal ward, not the mothers. We can talk etc. Babies are vulnerable. They need both parents if available.

And if you're sitting thinking "but my Nigel is lovely and respectful" or "I'm a man and I'm not like that" then start by, rather than moaning, having him look to his Male peers and think about how he can be part of changing his class for the better - and then maybe us women will be more keen to have you all around when we're vulnerable.

That's a fair point to some extent but you can't just blame "respectful Nigel" for the behaviour of other men. My husband pulls up sexist comments made by blokes, is a hands on father, supports me and the kids, not sure what else he can do personally about the fact some men are obnoxious.

@blueskieandforests - that’s not true. I couldn’t move and didn’t have to have my curtain open. You have an alarm in reaching distance to your hand

blueskies What I want is to not feel anxious and alone when just given birth. Perhaps I'm tainted by all my births resulting in nicu stays but I wouldn't have coped alone.

And if you're sitting thinking "but my Nigel is lovely and respectful" or "I'm a man and I'm not like that" then start by, rather than moaning, having him look to his Male peers and think about how he can be part of changing his class for the better - and then maybe us women will be more keen to have you all around when we're vulnerable.

I’m not thinking “my Nigel’s lovely” I’m trying to comprehend how I would have coped with a tending to a baby and then eventually navigating NICU having experienced significant blood loss and being unable to walk more than 10 metres unaided without him.

I want my husband. It's not fair to deny that support. Instead there should be more rooms available and more options for private bays

But I don't want your husband in my space at at that time.

I'll cheerfully support more options for private bays but men do not belong on the post natal ward overnight unless they are there as HCPs.

I'm also unable to reconcile a situation where insufficient staff requires men to stay but at the same time there are suddenly spare staff to manage the behaviour of the leery, selfish fuckers described by so many on this thread.

i has three home births mainly to avoid post labour ward. Reading some of the entitled comments on here I’m glad I did.

Nothing like having strange men in close proximity to make you feel self-conscious when you’re at your most vulnerable.

Perhaps I'm tainted by all my births resulting in nicu stays but I wouldn't have coped alone.

Exactly.

If you can't cope with a baby for a night, without your fantastic helpful husband there, how the hell did you cope after?

@c8h10n402 - it’s not ‘my space’. It’s no-ones. It’s a hospital ward. Your space is your bed and the area surrounded by the curtain.