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Men on a post natal ward

999 replies

RogueV · 23/01/2019 21:27

The guy in the next bay is pissing me right off.
He just asked the midwife for a bed. Dick.

Why are they allowed to stay anyway? Shouldn’t they be going home?

Sorry just ranting.
Angry

OP posts:
Seline · 24/01/2019 17:49

Blanche might be because you're not making any point. Either you have a problem with strangers, in which case any stranger, or you don't, in which case, all are fine. If you are saying one sex of stranger is the issue then you are suggesting each member of that category is a potential danger to you, which is irrational.

bruffin · 24/01/2019 17:50

seline
For me its nothing to do with sexual assault. I wouldnt like extra woman on the ward at night. As i said before, i had PE and spent a long time in hospital. Its hard enough sharing a ward with little privacy as it is, without extra bodies as well.

Ylvamoon · 24/01/2019 17:50

good God - MN at its worst!! Some of the comments Confused
But hey back to the subject: In against men on post natal wards. I had a "fellar" sitting and taking (as nobody else was there! ) on the next bed when I had DS. Problem was a) it was 6 ish in the morning b) I had a long difficult labour and needed some rest before going home to my DD and domesticity....
I think there should be a choice, room with partners or room without.

LadyGregorysToothbrush · 24/01/2019 17:51

Men are a danger to women, Seline. Every set of crime statistics demonstrates this.

Seline · 24/01/2019 17:51

So when it comes to sharing my sleeping space with a man I don’t know, how should I tell the difference? Do the bad ones all come with horns and a snarl?

The same way you tell the stranger you walk past on the street won't stab you. You can't treat people as guilty for crimes they haven't yet committed.

Your argument is essentially the same as the anti immigration crackpots who claim that because one individual committed a crime the entire group should be penalised.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 24/01/2019 17:51

Of course not all men are (potential criminals) like that, @seline - but a post natal woman does not know anything about the partner of the woman in the next bed - he may be a perfect gentleman, caring for his partner whilst showing consideration towards the other women in the vicinity - but he may not - you can’t tell by looking - and a tired, sore, emotional, hormonal post natal woman deserves to be able to recover without having to worry about the motives/behaviour of strange men.

And what about women who, for religious reasons, are not allowed to be in their nightwear in the company of men (other than their husband), or women who have been sexually assaulted in the past and are traumatised by the mere thought of having a strange man just inches away, with only a curtain to separate them from him? Their needs don’t matter?

As I said earlier, I trained as a nurse in the 80s and had my first ds in hospital in the 90s so I have experience of post natal care as a nurse and a patient, in the days before partners staying at the bedside overnight was even thought of - and I promise you that women were cared for properly and supported, by the staff.

”2) as a new first time mum, would I prefer my husband to care for a baby or someone on the ward? For an anxious women having their newborn taken from them when they can’t walk or see what’s going on could be traumatic. Did you see the chester midwife last year or was actively trying to kill babies? Imagine a women with anxiety handing her baby over.”

@Baby1onboard11 - it was not the norm, when I was working, to take the babies away from their mums overnight - but the staff did help the mums who needed help during the night. The days of all the babies being taken to the nursery overnight are long, long gone - even back in the 80s, it was the norm for babies to stay with their mums - but we were well epstaffed enough to care for the mums and babies overnight without having to rely on the help of the dads.

Weetabixandshreddies · 24/01/2019 17:52

Weetabix - I'm sorry you're still stewing about this. You had poor post-natal care and it's absolutely unacceptable. But that doesn't mean your husband should have been allowed to stay. It means that the hospital should have provided better care.

Are you kidding me? I nearly died. My baby nearly died. My husband nearly lost his wife and baby in one go. I was then separated from my baby. The grandparents all saw my child before I did. I have no knowledge of his first few days - none. I couldn't bond with him. He never felt like my baby.

But I'm wrong for "still stewing about this"? Yet you want me to believe that you are centering women in your arguments!!!!!!

User758172 · 24/01/2019 17:52

They tried to throw husbands out on the first night I was there. The other women on the ward weren’t having any of it. Because the care we received- if we received it - was abysmal. We needed our partners and husbands there. No one else to look after us or the babies!

Perhaps when post-partum care improves, then we can discuss whether men have any place on the ward. But until then, they are needed to provide care that midwives should be providing, and don’t.

BlancheM · 24/01/2019 17:52

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MoaningSickness · 24/01/2019 17:52

It’s better for partners to get some rest to cope

Oh god, I've heard it all now. You can't actually seriously think that men need more of a rest than the woman who has just given birth?

Glad I'm not married to your husband if he cheerfully went home to 'rest' leaving you to recover alone and look after a baby.

Seline · 24/01/2019 17:52

bruffin while I disagree about visitors you are at least consistent and apply your policy to both men and women

KateArronax · 24/01/2019 17:52

Ah, Fluffmagnet, they didn't want to discharge me as I wasn't able to look after the baby. The situation was my DH was going to be looking after both of us at home. A logic fail that I had to point out! It was my second and I just needed to get home.

I am far from uncaring and there needs to be flexibility in any system.

BlancheM · 24/01/2019 17:53

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O4FS · 24/01/2019 17:53

Speak out. Complain. Make a noise. Campaign. Meet with your MP. Petition for better care.

I had cause to complain post labour, it was taken seriously.

We hope by doing so we hope it makes it better for the next woman, and the one after her.

Seline · 24/01/2019 17:53

Such a fucking idiot you are

Because I'm not afraid of men? Alright mate.

User758172 · 24/01/2019 17:53

I have no knowledge of his first few days - none. I couldn't bond with him. He never felt like my baby

God I know just how that feels. My experience exactly Sad

Millionsofthings · 24/01/2019 17:53

I had a lot of stitches with my first labour... it was bad enough trying to hobble to the shared ward toilet to see if I cold finally pee/ shower with someone else’s (male) supportive partner during the bloody day time never mind having them all hanging around over night!

Hello no, it’s uncomfortable having strange males being around at a time you an barely sit down!! Trying to breast feed!!

Second time round I was in early labour when my ds made a quick surprise appearance I gave birth in a early labour room with two other couples.... I felt totall embarrased afterwards they heard everything!!

KateArronax · 24/01/2019 17:55

Don't lock your doors Seline. Don't go pre judging those passers-by now!

BlancheM · 24/01/2019 17:55

I'm not afraid of men either, pal. Alright laddo 😂

Weetabixandshreddies · 24/01/2019 17:56

and I promise you that women were cared for properly and supported, by the staff.

No they weren't. I qualified in late 80s. First baby born in the early 90s. We weren't all well cared for.

KateArronax · 24/01/2019 17:56

Jeff.

Mmm

53rdWay · 24/01/2019 17:56

The same way you tell the stranger you walk past on the street won't stab you

I wouldn’t want to share a hotel room with that stranger either. Is that hateful too, or is it only hateful when I’m not recovering from surgery?

Seline you had a partner who was able and willing to support you, other family who were able and willing to help out with childcare so your partner could do that, and a private room. Everybody would like that! But not everybody has that - and you only seem interested in arrangements that would have suited you, personally, and stuff everybody else who isn’t in your circumstances.

Sparklingbrook · 24/01/2019 17:57

I spent two nights in hospital getting zero sleep with DC1. DH spent two nights at home getting a full night's sleep and getting stuff ready for us coming home..

When I got home he was quite happy to take over anything that was required because he wasn't completely shattered like I was.

Weetabixandshreddies · 24/01/2019 17:58

MrsAriadneOliver

I'm so sorry. I know how it feels and this is 25 years on. That comment about me "still stewing about it" has really upset me.

Seline · 24/01/2019 17:59

I'm not saying stuff everyone else. I'm saying that each woman should be able to choose who she wants to support her. Not who someone else has to support them.