Men on a post natal ward

[RogueV]

The guy in the next bay is pissing me right off.
He just asked the midwife for a bed. Dick.

Why are they allowed to stay anyway? Shouldn’t they be going home?

Sorry just ranting.

Sounds like a whole lot of discrimination against men in my opinion

Ugh I know, I mean imagine not centering men in women's issues

Why are you seeing all men as potential criminals?

Why are you seeing it as acceptable that postnatal women should feel uncomfortable in a space specifically for postnatal women due to men being allowed to stay overnight?

Actually one of my biggest concerns would be that the women who had husband's to about and demand would shadow the care of those who didn't have anyone to advocate for them .

Very easy to ignore Jane in bed two who is in agony and can't leave the bed to demand a change in drip, a bed pan or pain relief.

Less easy to ignore someone who's partner is a pain in the backside kicking off and demanding everything and now.

It's a hospital ward for postnatal patients.

Biological men cannot give birth and therefore cannot ever be considered to be postnatal patients.

Before you reply "so do babies", they have their mother with them.

Which is great in scenarios where the mother is well and capable of taking care of the baby, but fuck all use when the mother cannot. But your side of the argument seems incapable not acknowledging that not all women are up and about and capable of caring for a newborn in a few hours, berating anyone with severe medical problems as selfish snowflakes who 'just have to cope'.

You’re in a hospital. It’s fair to expect help from HCPs.

I read these posts with utter horror. It's absolutely disgusting what women have to experience and how nothing is done by the staff to challenge the visitors.

I then read on other threads, the OP saying how they have toxic relatives and are worried about giving birth.... and everyone says to tell the midwife and not to worry as they'll protect you and will abide by your wishes. Well apparently not!!!

Does anyone have any good stories of the staff listening and being proactive in their care in regards to visitors?

I was very pleased my husband didn't have to go. He did leave out of choice between 11-7 to get some sleep so he'd be more help, but plenty of fathers stayed (and one morning I called him at 5 to come back as they were going to remove my catheter and I wanted him back with me!). The men weren't allowed to snore, that was in the rules, or lie on the beds! One of the dads changed a nappy for me too when my husband wasn't there and then passed her to me to feed so I didn't have to wait for midwife.

Our hospital has rooms of 6, I do think they could ask your preference and be put with women with the same preference as far as possible so more people are happy.

HENCE THE REASON PARTNERS ARE ALLOWED ON THE WARD 50% OF THE TIME. THAT IS THE COMPROMISE.

And who helps you outside of visiting hours? Yes, it should be the midwives but you are very clearly being told that it isn't so who will it be?

If you are in labour on the ante natal ward why should you not be able to have your partner there with you? If you were in early labour at home you would have support. If you had early labour at home and then been admitted to labour ward you would have your partner there.

If you are unlucky enough to be admitted ante natally and go into labour you can be kept from the labour ward until very late on. As a midwife told me " oh it doesn't matter to us where you give birth, we can manage anywhere" as justification for a woman basically giving birth in the corridor between delivery suite and the ward.

If you are kept on the ante natal ward in labour, overnight, you will have to manage on your own. Why do we have partners with us in labour if it's perfectly fine to manage on your own?

Why are you seeing it as acceptable that postnatal women should feel uncomfortable in a space specifically for postnatal women due to men being allowed to stay overnight?

Other post natal women will be uncomfortable without men there. My point is why do the first group come above the second? If my husband hadn't been allows to stay I'd probably have discharged myself and been in a right mess, if I survived.

The point is that care should not be worse for women who have no partner or whose partner cannot be there.

The point is that some women have abusive partners who will assault their post partum partners.

The point is that some men will use the opportunity of being in close proximity with vulnerable women to harass and intimidate them.

And yet that's what those of you who are evangelical about having your partners stay are advocating for. That other women's care should be poorer because you want your husbands to stay. That it's an acceptable risk for women to be assaulted, humiliated and harassed.

Shame on you frankly. Shame on you.

Which is great in scenarios where the mother is well and capable of taking care of the baby, but fuck all use when the mother cannot. But your side of the argument seems incapable not acknowledging that not all women are up and about and capable of caring for a newborn in a few hours, berating anyone with severe medical problems as selfish snowflakes who 'just have to cope'.

1. I have never once called anyone here a selfish snowflake, feel free to read the thread to verify this

1. I've already stated I had medical problems too and was not up and about in a few hours

1. I still don't think a postnatal ward should allow partners of either sex to stay overnight and that nighttime should be for patients only.

Ugh I know, I mean imagine not centering men in women's issues hmm

Why isn't women saying they need help a women's issue?

why are you seeing it as acceptable that postnatal women should feel uncomfortable in a space specifically for postnatal women due to men being allowed to stay overnight?

But the other side of that is that many women are uncomfortable without their partners due to men not being allowed to stay. They may be anxious in general or be anxious about specific things such as not being able to care for the baby if they can't get up easily, about midwives not answering their buzzer etc.

Why are you seeing all men as potential criminals?

Oh, come on. Do you think we should also scrap disclosure checks for staff, given that’s also seeing them as potential criminals? Bet that would save the NHS tons!

I had a nightmarish second pregnancy and post natal situation and yes it would always be better for me to have my lovely husband around but I needed at that point to be in hospital. He didnt. And so he went home.

OrchidInTheSun

So I couldn't go to see my baby without someone helping me down to SCBU - nurses were too busy so I was meant to just not see my baby while other patients, and their visitors, sat around me cooing over their babies?

I was too unwell to look after my 2nd child on my own so I discharged myself as it was the only way to get the help that I needed. So my health suffered so that other women could have what they wanted. And that is ok?

Shame on you I say.

53rdWay using that logic you should screen birthing women too. After all, they could also potentially be abusive, no?

The arguments just get order.

odder! Autocorrect.

It’s about not staying the night, not be banished completely.
It’s better for partners to get some rest to cope when you are home and there’s no professionals surely? Or you’re both fucked when you really, really need support (on your own, milks come in, adrenaline’s gone - day 3 post natal, all manner of hideousness).

I’m from the uk.
Where apparently everyone else using the nhs gets the dignity of a single sex ward.
Other than the specific group of post natal women, where it is seen fit to use partners as alternatives to nursing care and allow them to roam wards 24hours per day.

Weetabix. That is an issue of poor post natal care. And the reason it's an issue is because hospitals are relying on partners to provide that care. You relying on your partner to do that is directly impacting on the woman who doesn't have a partner to take her down there.

We should be demanding better PN care for all women. It shouldn't just be available for women with nice husbands which is effectively what you and Seline and co are arguing for.

In was kept in for 5 days post natally due to contracting sepsis during delivery. There was a spare private room which I was so grateful for, but DP was only permitted during visiting hours ie 4 hours per day. As I was in a private room, I felt the midwives forgot about me to an extent and I really struggled trying to establish breast feeding. Also, when my insides felt like they were outside and it took me 30mins to do a pee, I had to leave my baby alone, despite asking the midwives to keep an eye. They simply did not have the time.

It was the most awful time of my life, I felt so alone and betrayed my everyone.

Staffing is a huge huge issue within the NHS. I appreciate in the wards, partners should not be allowed 24/7 due to the vulnerability of other women, but allowances should be made in private rooms.

Is post natal care like this elsewhere in the developed world?