Men on a post natal ward

[RogueV]

The guy in the next bay is pissing me right off.
He just asked the midwife for a bed. Dick.

Why are they allowed to stay anyway? Shouldn’t they be going home?

Sorry just ranting.

@blanche - you’ve missed my point completely - I’m saying it’s amazing how happy some women are when multiples hands have been up their vagina but they’re get pissy at partners in the ward who are sat behind a curtain supporting their partner and new baby because a ‘man is in my space’

@blanche - I understand why you’d be anti men on the ward in that case. I guess we are all shaped by our experiences and although I found the noise/telephones etc very rude this was mainly the women. Like I’ve said man you times previously, I am for men but I do sympathise with some of the arguments against and your point is definitely one

Do you apply that same logic to the rest of the hospital, Baby? Last time I was in a single-sex surgical ward, should I have been happy to bunk up with the men instead just because a male surgeon had had his hands inside my abdominal cavity?

@53rdWay was in for 4 days didn't get a wink of sleep! Would of if I wasn't in so much pain and the nurses notice that my scar was infected!

Exactly aethelgifu at 16:11

All this deliberately obtuse "I can't fathom" and "well I don't think/ didn't see that so it never happened" crap is just women trying to shame other women for not being cool or chilled enough - though ironically the same women who've claimed inability to cope without their own man in constant attendance. Are these women trying to frame themselves as they think men want to see them...

I can't fathom what else it can be [ironic]

I don't see the difference between strange men and strange women in my space. Someone having a penis or not doesn't change how I feel. I dislike strangers in general but their genitalia is of no concern.

I basically echo everything @blueskiesandforests has said. Non-patients don't belong on wards overnight. How people can't remove themselves from their own experience is beyond me

blue What are you on about?

Post natal women should have the right to be on a single sex ward.

In your opinion. And I'm happy with that being an option for women, I just don't think it's right to impose it on others.

I think post natal women should have the right to have the person of their choice look after their baby.

If my toddler and I were both suddenly in need of medical attention today, the hospital would have no problems with treating me and having my DH stay over with my child. No one would dream of suggesting I could do it! Yet with a much more vulnerable newborn I'm supposed to accept that they be cared for by strangers or do it all myself whilst physically incapable. It's madness.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius

Excellent post. I think it is a real tragedy that post natal care is so poor, we need better care. It's that that I found traumatic.

@53rdway It’s a different scenario completely. We are talking about men being their to support mum and baby

I haven't read the whole thread yet but
for me it's not the being stared at in a gown that would bother me, when my DD was born we had things as simple as men watching the football and cheering and shouting loudly and the husband of the Mum in the next bed got drunk 'wetting the babies head' with three of his mates around the bed and was a total nightmare (he later had to be removed from the ward for his behaviour but only after hours and hours of stress.

If the husband of the person in the next bed is a decent bloke then wonderful but the problem is this will include every man whether that will be the thoughtless one who talks loudly all night and doesn't even think or Jack down the street who takes hard drugs and beats the crap out of his wife.

My Mum is a nurse and has been physically and sexually assaulted at work. If women on wards weren't vulnerable we would still have all mixed wards.

I have no issue with side wards.

You specifically Baby were implying that women who didn’t want to share a ward with other people’s non-patient partners were acting out of some bizarre misplaced prudishness, which didn’t make sense because many of us had had strangers’ hands up our vaginas only a little while before.

We don’t allow non-patients to stay over for support on other wards in general. We expect nursing care to be adequate for that. We shouldn’t be telling women on postnatal wards that they’re an exception, and they don’t get to complain because of whose hands they’ve had up their vaginas previously.

a new first time mum, would I prefer my husband to care for a baby or someone on the ward? For an anxious women having their newborn taken from them when they can’t walk or see what’s going on could be traumatic. Did you see the chester midwife last year or was actively trying to kill babies? Imagine a women with anxiety handing her baby over.
The nicu points is redundant - we are talking about basic care for a baby when a women cannot get out of bed. Same with nursery - I would check out the nursery and be happy with my choice.
Also if it’s just general care on the post natal ward, why does the newborn need to be taken? Presumably the nappy could be changed/formula given right there by a hcp, same as the father would.

Your baby is at far more risk from male visitors than hospital staff.
How many of the visitors may have previous convictions?
Whilst you can’t 100% guarantee hospital staff are people of good character, at least their checks would indicate this.
In the same way nursery cannot guarantee 100% their staff are of good morals.
And you personally couldn’t vet every member of staff.
But you would know they have had the relevant checks and are much less likely than a member of the public to harm you/your child.

Also re your point what’s wrong with women speaking up about male visitors making them uncomfortable. Well I certainly would. But not everyone is able to be that assertive.
Some women have experienced abuse.

If people feel so strongly about the rights of fathers to have 24 hour access to the newborn as much as mothers, then have a home birth if you are low risk enough.
Or let baby go home with dad while you stay in and recover if it is your recovery preventing discharge.

Non-patients don't belong on wards overnight.

So you are also campaigning to prevent parents staying in children's wards presumably?

I don't think I've stayed in a hospital ward alone overnight except once. It was horrible.

Okay, Seline, let's try to keep it simpler for you, then. The women who have just given birth are patients. The partners are not. That is the huge difference.

@Unicornfoodissparkle I don't know where you live but here in the uk dads do not take the baby home without the mother. And not all women are low risk enough to have a home birth so that's out of the question

@53rd - what I am saying is having just given birth and all that comes with it, if a man accidentally (being the key word) caught a glimpse of my backside or wherever else, I wouldn’t care less if it meant he was able to support his partner and newborn child. This is my opinion - I understand why to you and others that’s not acceptable.

The problem lies in the care and lack of funding for the nhs.

What's the problem with them being in the ward with their newborns?
Cf behaviour asking for a bed though.

aeth so? They aren't asking nurses to care for them.

@aethelgifu but they are the father of the bay that's just been born under THEIR care.

If people feel so strongly about the rights of fathers to have 24 hour access to the newborn as much as mothers, then have a home birth if you are low risk enough.
Or let baby go home with dad while you stay in and recover if it is your recovery preventing discharge.

I would have had a home birth, but I was high risk. And both baby and I had medical needs that warranted our stay in hospital (if we hadn't we'd have gone home nobody stays for a laugh).

I needed to recover, and I needed someone with my child. My child has two parents, so that's no a problem.

Still, apparently post natal wards are just about the women and we can ignore the babies and their needs...

The idea that having my husband looking after his own baby is somehow 'centering his needs', and not centering my needs as someone who needed to recover without also looking after a baby is odd.

I'm going to repeat my earlier example.

If you were in the hospital for a kidney operation and, when the nurse showed you to your six-bed bay, you found that there were actually eleven other people of mixed sexes occupying it would you put up with it or would you be unhappy that it is overcrowded and contravenes the NHS commitment to single sex accomodation?

@unicorn - but again if my partner was there I would not need to worry? I appreciate you wouldn’t know him or whether he had a criminal record as long as his arm but there needs to be some middle ground. IF I would have been able to stand I would have sent my own home to sleep to make sure he was able to support us the next day. But I did also only spent 1 night in hospital poet emcs as I wanted to get home