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Men on a post natal ward

999 replies

RogueV · 23/01/2019 21:27

The guy in the next bay is pissing me right off.
He just asked the midwife for a bed. Dick.

Why are they allowed to stay anyway? Shouldn’t they be going home?

Sorry just ranting.
Angry

OP posts:
Unicornfoodissparkle · 24/01/2019 15:55

Could it be an age thing? I am late 20s and all of my friends would agree that men should be allowed.

I’m 30 and I disagree with you baby1.

I’d also like to know where your rationale that blue sky would be in a private room with four walls around her if her risk of heavy bleeding was that high?
Unless you are a medic or midwife, then that is just you making a random assumption about something.

Also what would be the issue with a stranger on the ward caring for your baby?
What if your baby had to go to NICU? The nursing staff there would all be strangers.
Ever planning on using a nursery?
Strangers again?
But suitably qualified and checked strangers.
Unlike bed fours husband joe bloggs roaming around, who could have a list of offending history as long as his arm and be around all of these vulnerable women and their babies. Some of these women, unlike you won’t have their own husband to stand up for them and put off joe bloggs acting like a creep, or care for their baby while they painfully make their way to the toilet.

Seline · 24/01/2019 15:57

unicorn all my babies have been on the NICU and I'd still prefer to avoid strangers looking after them. It's just that in our case it couldn't be helped.

53rdWay · 24/01/2019 15:58

I don’t think it’s an age thing, but I definitely would have been happier with the idea of men staying before I actually had a baby and a postnatal ward stay myself. After seeing how crowded the wards are, how hard it is to get any rest anyway and how some men behave - no way in hell.

blueskiesandforests · 24/01/2019 16:01

I wasn't Baby1onboard11 and I ended up back in theatre 5 hours after my emergency section and had multiple blood transfusions. Internal bleeding isn't that uncommon after a complicated unplanned section, nor unheard of after vaginal birth.

BlancheM · 24/01/2019 16:02

Seline can you really not fathom why a lot of women wouldn't want men within touching distance at them? Opposite them with open curtains?
Are you really not capable of thinking why or even reading that thread that you've been so invested in all day?

BlancheM · 24/01/2019 16:03

Of* them

gentlyscented · 24/01/2019 16:03

I've had 5 babies in hospital and had to stay in at least one night (4 at most with a c section) and not once have I come across these men that you people describe that stare and make inappropriate comments whilst walking to the toilet 🤔

And I've been far to busy/in pain to care who's in the next cubical. You people have far to much time on your hands or aren't in any pain at all if your can think/worry about such a thing.

Baby1onboard11 · 24/01/2019 16:04

@unicorn

  1. you would not have an open curtain policy on a ward with low risk women. It goes against a women’s right for privacy.

  2. as a new first time mum, would I prefer my husband to care for a baby or someone on the ward? For an anxious women having their newborn taken from them when they can’t walk or see what’s going on could be traumatic. Did you see the chester midwife last year or was actively trying to kill babies? Imagine a women with anxiety handing her baby over.
    The nicu points is redundant - we are talking about basic care for a baby when a women cannot get out of bed. Same with nursery - I would check out the nursery and be happy with my choice.

Not emergencies and a father has as much right to time with his newborn as the mother.

Your last point is a very good one. But joe blogs acting like a creep- what’s wrong with this poor defenceless women that she couldn’t notify the staff? Thankfully I’d like to believe the majority of men on these wards are there for their baby and partner. Let’s face it they sleep on a upright chair which is incredibly uncomfortable. Would they really be doing that to catch a glimpse of the women looking a state opposite? (And I say that because if we are all honest, we all look pretty crap after just giving birth)!

Raspberry88 · 24/01/2019 16:05

I can't fathom why you'd even be thinking about whether there's a man next door

I thought a lot about the man who was in the bay next to me (during visiting hours, thank God he couldn't stay in my hospital) because he stank of smoke and swore loudly wandered in and out of the ward all bloody day. I was in the first bay, next to the door so couldn't avoid him coming past and nosy-ing every time he did.

Baby1onboard11 · 24/01/2019 16:05

@gentlyscented - agreed. Not too mention you’ve just had countless people with hands here there and everywhere to care whether a glimpse is captured. Concentrate on your baby.

Seline · 24/01/2019 16:06

Blanche I can't fathom why women would automatically assume all men are abusive arseholes, no. It's incredibly unfair.

53rdWay · 24/01/2019 16:07

what’s wrong with this poor defenceless women that she couldn’t notify the staff?

Is that the same overstretched staff who aren’t answering buzzers when needed for pain relief/bleeding/baby assistance because they’re too busy, as described elsewhere on this thread?

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 24/01/2019 16:07

Absolutely hate it and would have discharged myself 6 hours post emergency section if they hadn't got me a private room. Luckily my consultant knew that due to my history and made sure I got a room to myself.

Both of mine have been emergency sections and I would never have allowed dh to stay if it meant him staying on the ward. He was offered that with my first because of the state I was in (baby in NICU, me staggering across the hospital by myself 24 hours after surgery and a very long labour) but I declined because I didn't want to stress/upset any other women who have had similar experiences to mine (and it wasn't offered to everyone, I think they were just terrified I was going to kill myself).

They are about to start building a new maternity hospital near me and it's going to be all private rooms because their current scheme of letting partners stay is so unpopular with women and midwives.

blueskiesandforests · 24/01/2019 16:07

gentlyscented 5 babies is 5 experiences out of well over 700,000 births per year in the UK

BlancheM · 24/01/2019 16:08

Baby I was low risk with my first, just sat waiting to go home really and one of the midwives just would not let the curtains stay closed. She had a real bee in her bonnet about it

Schmoobarb · 24/01/2019 16:08

You only have to have a tiny bit of common sense to understand why so many of us don't want to be alone in a room of random women next to us immediately after giving birth. Not all women are respectful, kind and considerate.

Of course some of the new mothers might also be a bit ropy but they’ve at least got the right and a need to be there!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 24/01/2019 16:09

I expect it is easy enough to fix your mind on your own baby if the man at the next bed is being quiet and acting considerately towards the other women and babies on the ward - the problem is the ones that don’t - some of the examples I have seen here and elsewhere on MN such as loud phone use, making suggestive comments to a patient, using the ‘Patients Only’ loo (bursting in on a woman who is trying to deal with her stitches and deserves privacy to do so, or leaving it in a disgusting state) - no-one should have to put up with this.

Far too many women have been the victims of sexual assault - and it is completely understandable that these women would feel very vulnerable and scared if a strange men was in close proximity to them during the postnantal period, when they are likely to be feeling more vulnerable - sore, tired, maybe with stitches, hormonal, trying to establish breastfeeding, and with a newborn baby relying on them.

I trained as a nurse in the olden day’s (aka the 80s) when all wards had set visiting hours, and visitors were only allowed on the ward outside those hours in exceptional circumstances. We had ward sisters with real authority, and patients, visitors and staff listened to them. We knew that sleep, and rest in a peaceful atmosphere was central to recovery, and we made sure our patients got their rest.

I do understand why people want their partner with them on the post natal ward - especially given the poor staffing levels, and the way that current midwifery training seems to ignore nursing care. If the birth has gone well, hasn’t taken too long, didn’t need intervention or result in stitches, the new mum can probably care for her own needs and her new baby - but there are plenty of reasons why the woman would need nursing care - for example - a section is major abdominal surgery, and on a general surgical ward there is no way we would tell a patient who had had abdominal surgery that they should just get themselves up out of bed, walk to the loo unaided and unsupervised and that they needed no nursing care - let alone expecting them to lift and care for a baby - but we expect women who have had a section to leap like gazelles out of bed and take on child care without needing so much as a paracetamol - because they were pregnant, not ill? That is ridiculous!

Someone who has had an epidural needs help with mobilising, until the effects have worn off and their mobility is back to normal.

Midwives are nurses too, and should provide nursing care where it is needed. And they should have sufficient staff on the ward that they have the time to provide this care.

BlancheM · 24/01/2019 16:09

On you miss the point spectacularly. Seline. And probably deliberately.

Baby1onboard11 · 24/01/2019 16:10

@53rd but again doesn’t that say why partners should be there? What is more important I guess - women not potentionally being gauped at or the women in agony having her partner go get help

I think this is the sort of debate that could go back and Forth all day

aethelgifu · 24/01/2019 16:11

I can't fathom why women would automatically assume all men are abusive arseholes, no. It's incredibly unfair.

FGS. No one is this obtuse, surely? It's NOT about assuming all mean are abusive. It's about not wanting to be sharing sleeping space with people of the opposite sex when you've just given birth in a space now occupied by double the numbers it was designed for. What on earth is so hard to understand about some people not wanting that? Plenty of women, who are the patients, don't want to sleep next a random man just inches from them at all, much less when they are bleeding heavily, have a catheter in, am in pain, trying to feed their baby, perhaps cannot move their legs well, etc. They feel vulnerable and scared or may have religious objections.

BlancheM · 24/01/2019 16:12

Oh yeah, baby. That's right, women shouldn't care one jot about dignity as they've had hands here, there and everywhere. Might as well just have a few more cop a feel, why not? What's the point even covering up any more, after all, enough eyes have seen it. Let's all just objectify ourselves for other people's eyes and hands, what difference does it make?
Honestly!

53rdWay · 24/01/2019 16:13

I’d have loved to ignore the man right next to me on my last postnatal stay. Sadly, he felt that the entire ward should be paying him attention and was both really loud about it and really intrusive about other people’s space (leaning back so far into my bit for a while that he was practically sharing a pillow with me, found this hilarious). When grandparents came with the baby’s sibling, they went off again and sibling was left to wander up and down the room exploring around and under beds while knackered mother and useless father paid no attention at all.

‘Keep your eyes on your own baby’ Hmm

gentlyscented · 24/01/2019 16:14

@aethelgifu who the hell sleeps when they've just had a baby! Between yours and all the other babies on the entire floor no one sleeps! Not to mention adrenaline and wanting to gawp at your new baby!

BlancheM · 24/01/2019 16:16

Gifu I think she's being deliberately obtuse. She knows what she's doing. Can't believe I've been engaging with her.

53rdWay · 24/01/2019 16:16

If you’re in for 72 hours you pretty much have to sleep at some
point , gentlyscented. Some of us are a wee bit tired after labour as well.

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