Men on a post natal ward

[RogueV]

The guy in the next bay is pissing me right off.
He just asked the midwife for a bed. Dick.

Why are they allowed to stay anyway? Shouldn’t they be going home?

Sorry just ranting.

And generally, women staying overnight in PN wards are the ones most likely to need extra medical attention. The low-risk mother of 4 with an uncomplicated vaginal birth would have been discharged already.

53rdWay surely that supports having visitors though, if there aren't enough staff? Plus they still have a buzzer although admittedly they do get ignored.

But you want the hospital to pander to your 'want' of only having women around you.

Crazy...! That's not the discussion at all, it's not about equal 'wants,' it's about lack of privacy, inadequate care, and overcrowded wards. Post natal women should have the right to be on a single sex ward. I agree with pp that it's very concerning for women with religious objections to sharing with men...what do people who think that men should be able to stay think is a workable solution to that issue?

@53rdWay what about if her baby was born early hours in the morning? She couldn't go home at 4am?

I got on the ward just after 5am, was their really any point in sending my dh home when he could come back at 9am

I had one baby taken to special care when she and I were both poorly. I still didn't feel the need for DH to be there overnight.

Can you not understand that other women may need support?

Seline If you can't get out of bed because of drips, drains etc you can't close your curtain. You are totally exposed and totally vulnerable and have to get your tits out in front of your five neighbors' boyfriend's, have your catheter and blood sorted bedding on show to them, sleep in public view. You're not going to be the only one who's had a difficult birth, and some of the women at their most vulnerable and physically incapacitated will by the law of averages be ones who's husbands though just as lovely as yours have to look after your toddler overnight, or are in the forces so can't be there, or are single.

gentlyscented more hospitals are moving to discharge straight from labour ward now, no admission to postnatal at all.

I have known women get discharged from postnatal ward in the early hours of the morning though!

MoaningSickness

I’m not actually in the categories of women I mentioned who may have clear reasons for not wanting unknown men there, so I can’t see why thinking about the needs of women in that situation, where it’s the likes of you and Seline who can’t see outside your own very narrow experiences, makes me selfish.

Emergency c section and lost an awful lot of blood but never any need for a curtain to be open. You have an emergency button by your hand to press if needed. Although I am FOR men on the ward, I do understand a lot of the arguments against. However, that particular argument is nonsense. You may not be able to move but you are able to tell the midwife to keep the curtain shut

Only suggestion I can think of is private rooms but even then do we really need this?
Bottom line is the care isn't enough and it needs to be addressed somewhere so more midwifes can be on wards and be ready to help.
With my daughter the midwifes wouldn't believe I was in labour as she was my first and they told me I had hours to go,
I-ended up delivering the head in the bed on the normal ward with people in before you go up to labour ward,
I was screaming in pain and jumped back as I was in agony and had been refused pain relief, it was only then with my legs wide open my mum saw the head and pushed the panic button thing. All could of been avoided with better care I believe it contributed to me struggling for the first few months it was shock

Baby1onboard11 it isn't nonsense. Its policy in many hospitals because an alarm is sod all use if you lose consciousness due to internal bleeding.

You have an emergency button by your hand to press if needed.

And if you're unconscious?

@53rdWay that's not what happens here.

I would hate to have partners overnight. It would be more efficient to give the private rooms to the women without partners. It may be a deterrent.

Well okay, gently, but it is indeed what happens at many other hospitals.

I can't be the only person who wouldn't give a monkeys what sex the patient next to me is (obviously post natal is female, I'm talking generally)? When I'm in hospital I'm usually too ill to care.

You’re in a minority, Seline, which is why there has been a huge push for single-sex wards over the past few decades and why NHS policy is not to have mixed-sex wards outside very specific areas.

Seline billions of people in the world, so no, I'm sure that nothing about you or your opinions is unique. However on post natal wards in particular women are very exposed, especially if establishing breastfeeding. Obstetrics and gynecology are single sex medical areas.

But you want the hospital to pander to your 'want' of only having women around you. You are insisting that the situation that suits you best should be imposed on everyone, rather than acknowledgeding that people whos needs are different to yours also matter.

For about the 12th time on this thread - women who don’t want men around have ALREADY COMPROMISED - hence partners have extended daytime visiting hours. 12 hours in most hospitals.

What compromise do you suggest?

@blueskies If your risk was that high you’d be in a private room, in which case there isn’t even a curtain but a whole door and 4 walls surrounding you.

Either way I don’t know a solution. I wouldn’t have been happy for a stranger working on the ward to care to my
baby when I couldn’t even stand up but I also understand how some women feel towards other men on the ward. Perhaps some wards for men allowed and others not so? I have no idea

Could it be an age thing? I am late 20s and all of my friends would agree that men should be allowed.

I am finding this debate rather interesting and it is quite refreshing to see such on mumsnet that hasn’t resorted to shouting down other points

”I'm going to add a male perspective and as a father of 7 children - if you're going to deny men permission to be available as fathers in the first few hours / days of their child's life, why expect them to get any more hands on once you get home.”

@FixTheBone - I am sorry but that is utter nonsense. When ds1 was born, he had neonatal jaundice and he and I were in hospital for a week - back in the days when there were set visiting hours, and no visitors on the ward over night. He had no trouble at all bonding with ds1! He is just as close to him as he is to ds2 and ds3 who were born at home.

People,have babies who need intensive care for days or weeks, even months, during which time they don’t get a lot of contact with the baby - they will get to hold the baby only if the baby is well enough - are you suggesting that any father of a child in the NICU is excused from any parenting once the child is home? What about fathers who are in the forces, or work away from home and can’t be there when the baby is born - do they get to opt out of being a father? Of course not!

You only have to read the Relationships board to understand why so many of us don't want random blokes sleeping next to us immediately after giving birth. Not all men are respectful, kind and considerate.

You only have to have a tiny bit of common sense to understand why so many of us don't want to be alone in a room of random women next to us immediately after giving birth. Not all women are respectful, kind and considerate.

more hospitals are moving to discharge straight from labour ward now, no admission to postnatal at all.

A friend of mine lives in Denmark and she came home the same day/night as she gave birth each time.

In Ireland (ROI) there is service called a domino scheme. This gives low risk women the option to give birth outside of a hospital environment, either at home or in a special, more homely, 'birthing room' within the hospital, whilst still having access to a hospital based midwife team. Thus ensuring continuity of care throughout pregnancy, delivery, and the postnatal period.

It is not suitable to every woman but it is a good resource if a woman is a suitable candidate for the scheme.

What compromise do you suggest?

Keeping your mind on your own baby and on yourself instead of on what others are doing? I know that comes off as harsh but I can't fathom why you'd even be thinking about whether there's a man next door

That sounds like a good system, ChocolateStash