Men on a post natal ward

[RogueV]

The guy in the next bay is pissing me right off.
He just asked the midwife for a bed. Dick.

Why are they allowed to stay anyway? Shouldn’t they be going home?

Sorry just ranting.

The solution isn’t to have strange men on the wards 24/7. The solution is to petition for better care. Write to your MPs and complain about the lack of resources, staff and MW shortages. Hospitals spend a fortune on bank staff to cover wards. Nursing and Midwifery courses should be state funded to encourage more people to take part.

The issue is bigger than having your DHs/DPs there.

It’s for ALL women.

There sure seems to be a lot of dislike of men from women who presumably, as they were on a postnatal ward, had husbands or partners themselves.

I don't dislike men, I just don't see why they need to spend the night in a female-orientated medical setting when they themselves are not patients. I apply this to all partners not only male ones.

Absolutely, doesn't have to be more midwives necessarily, more healthcare assistants would be amazing.

More HCAs to do things like blood pressure, ambulatory support (e.g., assisting with walking to the shower room), infant care, etc would free up the midwives and nurses. HV breastfeeding clinics use volunteer peer supporters, who are trained and vetted and are expected to follow official guidance, why can't hospitals have the same? All the postnatal wards I've been on have had one overstretched lactation support worker, give that worker half a dozen volunteers and then they're not so overstretched either.

Weetabix. It sounds a similar situation to my DIL. She ended up collapsing and being rushed to intensive care, like that poor woman who was found dead on the stairwell when she got lost. Fortunately my DIL was in the SCBU with my son when she collapsed.
I can't believe that women who have just given birth are expected to walk to the SCBU and get their own meals. It's shocking.
On saying that, I took one look at the slop they tried to pass off as food and took her in home cooked food, good nourishing stews and such.
Bloody disgusting.

But back on thread.....

The solution is more staff, Weetabix.

A woman died in Edinburgh Royal Infirmary last year because she was left alone to make her way to and from NICU. She and the baby had been transferred from another regional hospital because she'd given birth prematurely due to eclampsia. She complained of having headaches but was obviously not monitored, became lost trying to get to one unit or the other, got into a disused part of the hospital, collapsed and died.

The fact is that maternity care is too understaffed and papering over those dangerous cracks with doubling the occupancy of every post natal ward sadly isn't the answer.

It is for all women. But my experience was 25 years ago, not the crisis ridden NHS we have today and men weren't allowed to stay.

Coincidentally, whilst I was an inpatient on the antenatal ward (at 34 weeks because I was in and out constantly) my sister came in in early labour. Husband sent home at end of visiting but she wasn't coping with contractions. The midwife wouldn't let her go to labour ward (where her husband could have stayed) but told her to go for a bath but she couldn't go on her own!!!! I was on bed rest for pre eclampsia (can you see where this is going?) they got me out of bed and wheeled me into the bathroom so that I could keep an eye on her and support her. So they risked mine and my baby's lives and hugely upset my sister (who an hour later got rushed for c section due to foetal distress) rather than let her husband stay. Her 2nd baby she insisted on an elective c section rather than go through it again so it had far reaching consequences, that fear of being so vulnerable and alone.

It’s not an NHS hospital. It’s there to deal with your needs as a patient, not pander to your ‘wants’.

But you want the hospital to pander to your 'want' of only having women around you. You are insisting that the situation that suits you best should be imposed on everyone, rather than acknowledgeding that people whos needs are different to yours also matter.

If it’s about assisting a patient, there’s no reason why post natal wards should be different to any other.

If on any other ward a patient was unable to move and in sole charge of a newborn I'd expect them to be able to bring in help too.

but you’d much more likely be safer and be less likely to have random men staring at your breasts/using the facilities

No, I'd be safer with my husband there to look after me and close curtains and ensure no one (male or female) is staring at my breasts, thank you.

Some of us have experience of random women not being magically 'safe' to be vulnerable around.

Some women are so selfish. Depressing.

Yes, you are. Amazing that you can't see beyond your preferences to other people's needs.

It is woefully understaffed but that isn't going to change.

It wasn't understaffed when I had my babies - they just had strict rules about what they expected new mums to do.

And yes, getting to and from scbu, on my own was awful. I have never felt so ill in my life, we both came very close to dying from the god awful disease that is pre eclampsia.

I don't have a problem with men staying on wards my issue is the respect or lack of, when I had my son the woman in the bed opposite was on the phone constantly her boyfriend was so loud and just over the top, plus there phones didn't stop ringing it really pissed me off. Then the next night a man stayed over with his girlfriend both mature adults supposedly yet I had to tell the midwife the boyfriend was pressuring his girlfriend to let the baby lick an m&m, absolute stupidness. However there was men there that was really quiet and helpful to there wives and kept themselves to there confinement's. It honestly doesn't bother me .

I'd be safer with my husband there to look after me and close curtains

Plenty of postnatal wards will not allow patients to have curtains closed for most of the day/night, though...

I don't see how they can physically stop you closing them. They can open them and you can just...close them again.

did you all have your babies with you? It's one thing sitting on the ward with your baby totally different with empty arms

This times a million.

@Seline that's what I did. They opened them I closed them. Tbf they rarely came around so never noticed

I don't see how they can physically stop you closing them.

Well I’d rather not get into a tug-of-war with a midwife over a curtain, but regardless - they are open for a reason, that reason being the HCPs needing to keep a close eye on patients after surgery etc, or sometimes to let the jaundiced babies get sunlight during the day as well. I’m not going to say after an EMCS “no, I choose not to have medical supervision here post-surgery because I’m sure my medically unqualified partner will be just as good at it.”

did you all have your babies with you? It's one thing sitting on the ward with your baby totally different with empty arms

I had one baby taken to special care when she and I were both poorly. I still didn't feel the need for DH to be there overnight.

Not just more staff, but the quality of the care itself I think.

A midwife mistakenly gave me three times the dosage of painkillers I should have had after my second c-section. I was rendered incapable of looking after my baby and no one spotted the error until two years later when I was pregnant again, planning another c-section and asked the consultant If I’d had a reaction to that particular medication.

If I needed anything, my DH did it for me because every request was an irritation to the midwives, and they were never around anyway. He fetched and carried for other women, mopped up vomit and changed sheets for babies because there was no one else around!

The food was revolting so he brought me sandwiches and snacks from M&S. how can anyone feel better when being fed poor quality food?

Hideous experiences. My grandmother visited, and sat and cried at how we were all treated. It was better in her day.

53rdWay if they can manage with women in private rooms, they can manage with closed curtains.

I didn't object to any of the men on the ward when I stayed in after DC1. That said, we all had our curtains drawn and nobody disturbed anyone else

If he's being a knobhead though, make staff aware he's making you uncomfortable and they may be able to get you into a side room or ask him to leave. You may need to be firm and mention PALS though.

But they can’t, Seline, because there aren’t enough staff. They can manage with some women being in private rooms, they can’t manage with all women who need attention being out of sight.

A lot of hate for men on here!!

53rdWay not all women need attention. The whole ward won't be high risk.

Men chucked out at 8pm when I had DS4.

I had a C-Section and had a catheter in but was fine. I didn't need much help but a midwife did come and help me a couple of times. It was fairly peaceful.

I would have hated unknown men sleeping in the same ward as me. This should never be allowed to happen.

A lot of hate for men on here!!

Discussing the needs of post natal women and that they should have dignity on a post natal ward is not hate for men.
As discussed some husbands have been very helpful and respectful. But not all are and raising this isn’t hating men.

@Greyhound22

Men are needed though when there are no midwives to help. I dread to think what would have happened if my DH hadn’t been there to help me.

Seline, there are not enough staff to provide the level of observation that all post-surgical women need, without using shared wards and curtains open. Really honestly there are not. They aren’t hiding spare midwives in cupboards just to spite us.

You yourself had an awful experience with HCPs not spotting a medical emergency - surely you can understand why other women might not be happy to close their curtains 24/7 when the midwives have explained monitoring as the rationale for not doing that?

I don't think it's hate for men I think it's just frustration at the lack of care from midwifes, that makes some mums feel that they have no other choice to have their husband there or partner.
Just like you get good and bad in everything in life you couldn't determine that the woman next doors old man might be a bit of a prat, but you could also get a man staying who you wouldn't even know is there as he's so quiet and respectful and there to help I don't know.
With both of mine my husband had to go but I wouldn't of minded him staying