Men on a post natal ward

[RogueV]

The guy in the next bay is pissing me right off.
He just asked the midwife for a bed. Dick.

Why are they allowed to stay anyway? Shouldn’t they be going home?

Sorry just ranting.

They have no ‘right’ to be they. They are not entitled to be there. It is a hospital. For people with medical need.

Men DO have as much of a right to be there and to deny them the right is ridiculous, I understand they are not the patient but they are the farther of that child and therefore have a right

Sorry bollocks. Go onto a children’s ward and only one parent is allowed overnight. You don’t see people demanding that both parents stay.

But for those that don't think men should be able to stay overnight, do you mind them being there in the daytime

On the postnatal ward of one of the hospitals I delivered at they had open visiting for birth partners (male or female) from 8am to 8pm, other visitors were allowed in from 2pm-3.30pm and 6pm to 7.30pm and no children under 10 except for baby's siblings, absolutely no visitors (including birth partners) were allowed in between 12pm and 2pm.

Another hospital I delivered at had open visiting from 9am to 9pm for birth partners and 11am to 7pm for all other visitors, no children under 10 except for the baby's siblings.

Another allowed partners to stay overnight and all other visitors were allowed between 11am and 9pm but all of the rooms were private ensuite rooms with a fold out bed for partners.

Partners should only be allowed to stay where there are private rooms available, there should be no partners overnight on shared bays.

@Flamingosnbears finally someone who talks sense.

Fair enough kick the ones out that are causing grief. But if a man is behind a curtain helping out with the care of he's child what harm is he doing?

I gave birth at 2 am so was awake fully overnight before I got to the ward and by the time I got home over 2 days later I was knackered as I’d had almost zero sleep. My baby needed ABs so he was taken to SCBU every 6 hours. If I had managed to nod off they’d have woken me to take him and bring him back as they had to check my wrist tags with his ankle tags. My H wouldn’t have got much sleep in a chair. So we’d have both got home knackered with no sleep and neither of us would have been in a decent state to look after the baby. What’s the sense in that? Much better for him to go home at 9pm and get a sleep, at least one of us did!

I didn’t have the easiest time either post birth. I had very bad tearing and very low mood (later diagnosed as PND), struggled with BF and as I said my baby was on ABs. The morning after giving birth I passed out on the floor of the toilet in pain when I had my first wee and had to crawl to the ward in my own blood and piss to get help. What a lovely experience that would have been in the presence of someone else’s partner!

I assume people feel more vulnerable when they're theoretically sleeping and the wards are thus generally quieter

When I was in hospital, my days and nights were no different to each other. The mums around me got bits of sleep during the day and night when they could. There was not more sleeping done at night by any of the mums.

And as for the ones saying " I don't want to be speaking of of my blood loss to a nurse when a man is next door" I'm sure he's heard it all before he's probably just heard he's wife talk about it.

I don’t care if he’s ‘heard it all before’. I’m the patient, he’s not, I don’t know him from Adam and the NHS shouldn’t be telling me to suck it up for his sake.

We have single-sex wards almost everywhere else in the hospital. There are good reasons for this. Postnatal women shouldn’t be less deserving of the standard of care that women on other wards get.

Not a public space sorry, a publicly funded place.

As much right to be there as the mother's? I've heard it all now!
No, they don't have the right. They are there by invitation and that invite can be revoked at any time the staff deem fit.

and I envy those of you who got to close the curtains on the postnatal ward. After my EMCS the women in my room were allowed to have our curtains closed for rounds, and for 2 hours of general visiting (not partner visiting). The rest of the time day or night they had to be open.

Whether he's heard about blood loss before or not is totally irrelevant. It is confidential private information between patient and HPC.
If his wife wants to tell him about her health issues, that is entirely her right.
What he doesn't have is the right to anyone else's medical information.

Partners should only be allowed to stay where there are private rooms available, there should be no partners overnight on shared bays.

So are you ok with partners being there all day ? If so, my question is what is the difference to partners being there overnight? On any other ward, I understand patients will be sleeping but the babies don't sleep just because it's night so therefore women are feeding, changing and doing the same things as in the day.

So are you ok with partners being there all day ? If so, my question is what is the difference to partners being there overnight?

As has been stated before, partners being there all day is the compromise position.

@Ifangyow so what about when it's ok for him to be there say like visiting hours? The nurses don't stop visiting the patients just because it's visiting hours? So they can hear it all then! For the guys not to hear all this stuff they'd have to only be allowed to pick their wife up from the door at going home time 🙄

It seems to me that the issue here is inadequate care, not whether men should be on the ward all night or not.

If new mums had proper support and care in hospital, then they wouldn't need their partner there all the time.

35 years ago I had my twins in a large teaching hospital in Yorkshire.
I had been in for a month before on enforced bed rest, shared ward of about 8 beds, all mums in waiting. Normal traditional visiting hours only. It was very boring- lights out at 10 and the only tv was in a separate lounge.

After the twins arrived I was kept in for a week, all the new mums had a separate room, patient loos were down the corridor. This was normal practice- all first time mums were in for at least 4 or 5 days then. Partners could stay longer if mum was poorly, but I don't remember any staying overnight. Other visitors and partners of non poorly mums had to stick to the normal biding hours - 3-4 in the afternoon and 7-9 in the evening iirc. Sister would get quite fierce with anyone who outstayed their welcome.

We were taught how to bath our baby, the midwives helped establish breast feeding, we got lots of sleep. There were ward sisters, midwives, the ward cleaner, auxiliaries- the only complaint I had was the food. DH brought me regular food parcels from home.

*Thing is everyone wants their man - they don't want to have to deal with anyone else’s.

The solution used to be decent care on postnatal wards - now that's harder to come by it's used as a reason to allow men to stay and help.*

This. I know it's hard, my DH was sent away almost straight after my EMCS and it was difficult but importantly the solution is to improve pn care, not leave that up to husbands and partners. They don't have as much right as mothers to be there, the mothers are in hospital as patients. I think it's a really concerning development in actually worsening care for pn women.

So are you ok with partners being there all day

As a compromise, yes, although I think there should be a short period in the middle of the day for quiet, rest, and privacy for rounds like in the first hospital I delivered at.

To give people a break? To allow for some "quieter" times? As a compromise?

Would be easier to go back to strict 1 hour window for all visitors. I'd have been great with that..

I meant to say, compare that to now- huge staff shortages, mums left to cope on their own, poor care due to lack of money.

So I can see why some want their partners there, but really men have no place overnight on a female ward.

@perfectly1mperfect that's a good point!

When you've had a baby, all that blood, mess, emotion and stress is there at any time of the day yet for some reason, the evening is different?

Each person has their own view on it. I had my husband stay last time and he was the only help I got as the staff were rude and overstretched. I wish I'd had the guts to just discharge myself and go home with him as he was more useful than them and we spent four hours waiting for someone to sign a form to leave.

Someone also made a very good point on another thread on this topic that allowing men to stay is just ripe for the ones that are controlling and abusive to continually have the excuse to be there monitoring everything she says and does. If she has no privacy she might have no chance to try and get help to try and remove herself from the abusive situation.

@seline you couldn’t make it any clearer you care only about yourself and your own narrow experience and the vulnerabilities of other women matter not a jot to you. That’s fine (if selfish and lacking in empathy) but at least just admit that’s what it is instead of ever embellished stories about your own birth experience as justification.

When you've had a baby, all that blood, mess, emotion and stress is there at any time of the day yet for some reason, the evening is different?

Well at least you get a break from Trev across the ward staring at you when it’s all happening!

Maybe they should separate the new mums into wards where they want their partners there and wards where they don’t. If you want your partner with you, you can hardly object to other women having theirs. If you don’t have or don’t want your partner with you, you can be on a ward with women of a similar thought.

I had my own private room and my partner still wasn't allowed to stay so seems strange that some can stay on open wards. Saying that though the night on my own was horrible, I was in pain and had no clue what to do and just cried all night so i can understand why people want partners there.

I’d be fine with that Nomdejeur. Although only with increased staffing for both, not using the partners on the partners ward to cover up for inadequacies in care.