Men on a post natal ward

[RogueV]

The guy in the next bay is pissing me right off.
He just asked the midwife for a bed. Dick.

Why are they allowed to stay anyway? Shouldn’t they be going home?

Sorry just ranting.

I don't think people should have to be alone overnight when they feel vulnerable. That statement could apply to pretty much anyone in hospital though. Some settings (think acute MH as an example) leave patients very vulnerable indeed. My own preference is to be alone in hospital (have had a few major accidents and surgeries so do understand the vulnerability and loss of control) and will tell as few people as possible that I am there and actively discourage visitors from coming. Even my husband I tried to encourage to stay at work as normal. Wards are busy and visitors distracting and time - consuming for staff even when they don't mean to be (I was also a nurse for a long time so can see it from their perspective too). The noise and general "bustle" can also be pretty tiring and stressful for other patients too. I think visiting times are great so that those who need company can have it but can also have some peace and privacy when those times are over. The idea of visitors on a ward 24 / 7 is awful. Private rooms are a different matter as are exceptional circumstances.

It’s also, and I appreciate this may lead to many protests of my obvious man-hating, not just about the men behaving inappropriately. If I have to discuss my vaginal bleeding in detail with a midwife, I would just like some chance to do that without a man I don’t know sitting 18 inches away from me.

Not to mention that of course you don’t know who’s going to behave inappropriately until they already have. Fair enough to kick out the blokes who’ve insulted or gawped at patients, but by then someone’s already been insulted or gawped at.

for those that don't think men should be able to stay overnight, do you mind them being there in the daytime ?

No, I would prefer much more restricted visiting hours, but I see the need to compromise on this one with women who don’t.

Why should men not be allowed to stay with there partners, wives, gf? They have as much right to be there as the mothers! I'd never complain of a father being there to help. Other people's babies on the ward are far annoying then a father trying to do he's duty! I was left for over an hour after I was stitched up, they hadn't even taken the blood stained sheets from underneath me. I sat in a puddle of blood and was covered, my husband had to get a sick bowl and wash me his self and put my nighty on. 3 hours after giving birth I was finally put on a ward and he was told to go and that he couldn't stay, after he did their job for them. I was left for hours in pain and could barely get up to my child. Men shouldn't have to feel like an outsider.

@Seline "i don't understand why they can't just kick out the me who behave inappropriately"

So you think these men would leave quietly and respectfully at the instructions of a member of staff?

You are missing the point which is a reasonable appropriate man would know he should not be on a postnatal ward full of exhausted, vulnerable women and would take his leave. He would come back the next day during visiting hours and crack on. He wouldn't miss bonding, wouldn't feel shoved out etc. He wouldn't take a massive dump in the patient toilet, constantly go in and out smoking on his phone, bringing in rank food, disrupting curtains / scraping chairs, snoring etc.

By and large this ^ is what we talking about not extreme postnatal cases / scenarios.

The thing is, postnatal wards don't really have the same distinction between 'night' and 'day' that the other wards do. Nothing really changes except they turn the lights down overnight. There is much more non-emergency stuff happening overnight than on other wards.

RTFT, gentlyscented. Nice that your bloke was lovely and was able to make up for inadequate care. Not everyone’s bloke is as lovely, and nobody should have to put up with inadequate care just because “well my Nigel can come to help me so sod the rest of you.”

How on earth would you police making certain men leave due to certain behaviours? You'd already have to wait for something to happen before 'making them leave' anyway.
Why not just have proper, adequate care with high staff numbers and women's holistic wellbeing at heart in the first place? Then men sticking around purely taking up space and intimidating others wouldn't even be in question. It should be a female-centred environment. It isn't as long as we accommodate men rather than face the awkwardness of asking them to go home.

Trying - I did it onto a sterile teaspoon and drew it into a syringe.

Unfortunately inexperienced student MWs are relied upon in hospitals.

They have as much right to be there as the mothers!

They really don’t.

Perfectly to be honest, I favour restricted visiting hours only, and thats as an expatient and an exnurse (a long time ago, lol). Certainly the mornings should be visitor free (apart from extreme circumstances and by arrangement with the ward sister). That allows time for patients to have a bath or shower and routine care and rounds to be carried out in peace and privacy. Visitors should also be encouraged to use the dayroom if 'their' patient is well enough, allowing a quieter enviroment for patients who need to rest.

How can anyone find a newborn baby annoying?

@gentlyscented they absolutely do not have as much right to be there as a postnatal woman.
What a ridiculous assertion to make.

I think our labour ward the husband/partner could stay.. But then they were private rooms throughout the ward. I remember saying pre birth that if he couldn't stay I would discharge myself as soon as possible. I was NOT well mentally at all and couldn't have copes without him there. I still would have done the same looking back.

Fortunately I post natal'd on a birth centre where we had a private room and he stayed. I had a 24 hour long labour, with forceps and an episiotomy. I thought my insides were going to fall out afterwards. We were both so exhausted and bewildered that we gave DS to the nurses in the middle of the night so that we could get some sleep.

I think staying in a female only ward isn't appropriate but being allowed to stay in a private room with partner is one of the best things

They have as much right to be there as the mothers!

The mothers are patients requiring hospital care. Unless they have also just given birth, then the partners obviously do not have as much right to be there.

The madness of a woman centring a man in a room full of post-natal women.

I assume people feel more vulnerable when they're theoretically sleeping and the wards are thus generally quieter.

@coffeeforone

To be fair, I think that the main reason that the midwives made time to come and prop us up with pillows was to stop my DS from waking up everyone else on the ward again!

Thing is everyone wants their man - they don't want to have to deal with anyone else’s.

The solution used to be decent care on postnatal wards - now that's harder to come by it's used as a reason to allow men to stay and help.

Great for those that have men who can stop - but if you've got other children needing childcare and no one to help or no one at all - you’re then left dealing with inadequate care, which you're now partly to blame for as you should have someone with you – and dealing with awards full of non-patients and possible very inconsiderate non patients – higher noise levels and them using facilities like toilets are obviously going to be issues.

Single rooms would help here – but what we have wards with bays and curtains – curtains that staff may well want open.

My DP was told he had to go home as he wasn't allowed on the ward until visiting hours. This was at ten to six in the morning when I left the labour suite.
At 7am on the maternity ward, other husbands started entering the ward in droves.
I was bleeding on my bed, I couldn't walk or stand due to the epidural so couldn't close my curtain and I couldn't get to sleep because of the noise. Not a single midwife to be seen for hours.
Why is this still allowed to happen? It makes my blood boil!
I couldn't get to my baby either because my legs were dead.

But if the nurses aren't caring for you then what happens? I didn't get one pain killer the whole time I was in the hospital, no one came to check on me. When I asked the nurse if she could hand me my baby she said "no we encourage mothers to get up to their babies" I could barely move I was in agony and exhausted. I couldn't care less if other fathers are there with their wives it should be the done thing. And as for the ones saying " I don't want to be speaking of of my blood loss to a nurse when a man is next door" I'm sure he's heard it all before he's probably just heard he's wife talk about it. Their the fathers for gods sake so they have the right to care for their babies while their wife rests.

Men DO have as much of a right to be there and to deny them the right is ridiculous, I understand they are not the patient but they are the farther of that child and therefore have a right ok if they are being rude, gawping fair enough they should not be there but to deny them supporting their wife/partner is ridiculous.

I don't think people should have to be alone overnight when they feel vulnerable

But that’s usual for anyone in hospital. My very vulnerable son has just spent 16 months alone in hospital and we weren’t even allowed on the ward (had a hideous visitors room). Not that I think that is right, but many people will be feeling vulnerable in hospital (probably everyone? They’re not nice places) - and patients are treated differently from visitors. Even children’s Wards usually only allow one adult overnight.

Rights are butting up against others rights in a public space.

It's not so straightforward as you say gentlyscented.