Men on a post natal ward

[RogueV]

The guy in the next bay is pissing me right off.
He just asked the midwife for a bed. Dick.

Why are they allowed to stay anyway? Shouldn’t they be going home?

Sorry just ranting.

I don’t think women should care for new babies alone at night when they’re in hospital recovering from birth/surgery, I think the staff should help where needed. As they already do on adequately staffed wards - it’s not a fantasy dream.

Wanting partners in doing it as policy instead of staff may have suited you, but it would do bugger all to help the women who didn’t have partners or whose partners couldn’t be there or could be there but were useless. NHS has to have a policy that works for everybody, not just those of us with decent, available partners.

I had an emcs at 10pm, haemorrhage, further surgery and dd and I both had birth injuries. I would have loved DH's help and for him to stay but even if they had allowed it, I would have refused.

I was the patient. DD was a patient. It was not appropriate for anybody to be staying on the ward with me who was not a patient. My needs should have been fulfilled by the NHS.

And as far as having it both ways goes? I needed dh to be the partner and father he was always going to be and recognise that I needed medical care in a safe environment which meant a single sex ward with no overnight visitors while he went home and cleared up the blood from the carpet and prepared for the journey to come.

As other have pointed out, the compromise between those who don’t want (usually male) partners on the post natal ward and those who do is that partners are there for 50% of the time - ie daytime.

Women who don’t want to share intimate postnatal space with men have already compromised.

I’ve had 2 EMCS, and survived without my husband both times after extended visiting hours finished (around 9pm both times). You just get organised before he leaves - make sure buzzer, nappies, wipes, water etc are within reach.

ShowOfHands. That's very decent and considerate of you. It should be the norm. But some people only think of themselves.

We're having my babies now, I would hate men on the ward at night. I really can't see the need for it, and it's very intrusive to women.

That should read "were I " not we're

I was expressing and attempting to latch them once they were big enough. My husband did incubator cares as much as I did.

Why do some of you think women should care for new babies alone at night?! We didn't make them on our own, husbands can do night duty too

Most people make their wedding vows in sickness and in health.
But on a women’s surgical ward their husbands don’t stay over to care for them do they?
No they are a patient in an nhs hospital. And are cared for by staff who can provide this care without compromising the dignity of other women on the ward.

Once home then yes very much a partners/husbands role to help out with care for his family.

I don't think Men should be allowed on shared wards past a reasonable time at night but then DH was allowed to stay in my room for 3 nights and I couldn't have managed without him. He was basi Ally banned form leaving the room between X hour and X hour bar an emergency wee. In an ideal world there would be more private rooms and facilties for when it's needed but I do think in most cases the needs of the majority win out

Seline it sounds like you had a difficult time of it.

Just think for a moment though about the annoyance you seem to have felt at other mothers using the toilet in your room.

Do you really begrudge them that, given the state of toilets described on this thread? They likely didn't have access to the ward ones as they were occupied!

I can be a prickly so and so. However in an NHS setting I can't see how I could begrudge another woman use of a toilet. Even if I was paying private I'd be telling myself off for minding!

DH got me a private room because I get anxious in crowds and without him around so argued that we needed one on those grounds. Luckily we got one and had our own bathroom. More than people's husbands, what I found annoying was women using my bathroom! My room was behind a door with a bathroom on the left and then another door to my bedroom. Other women kept coming in and using it despite a sign saying it was private.

Can you see why, when you felt vulnerable and overwhelmed, and you found other women annoying and intrusive, that other women would find your husband annoying and intrusive when they were feeling vulnerable and overwhelmed ?

X post eyeup.

You only have to read the Relationships board to understand why so many of us don't want random blokes sleeping next to us immediately after giving birth. Not all men are respectful, kind and considerate.

Seline you sound incredibly entitled. The fact there was a private room for you doesn't mean you were superior to the other new mums in need of toilet facilities. You only know what you went through, not others. Some people use their experiences to help them be empathetic, others seem to let it victimise them and lose sight of not being the only one in the world to have had had a tough time...

Do you really begrudge them that, given the state of toilets described on this thread? They likely didn't have access to the ward ones as they were occupied!

Yes because I was at risk of infection and other people using the toilet I was using, potentially spreading germs, was a risk.

I do see why women would feel vulnerable and I think the answer is more private rooms not banning people's husbands.

Blanche the toilet was part of my room and there was a big sign on the door saying no one else was allowed to use it. It's an infection risk.

Risk of infection..another reason why traditionally toilets are not for non patients on a ward..

Many women post birth are at risk of an infection if I am not mistaken.

You are looking at this from a very one sided view I am afraid.

My partner is about to give birth and if she was required to stay in hospital I would want more than anything to be able to stay with her and my baby.

I know not everyone is respectful so would fully understand if a hospital had a ban on partners staying. But the hospital should be fully supporting women who need it when they are staying overnight alone.

okay, and do you see why having a whole lot of non-patient blokes staying 24/7 on the shared wards we have at present, sharing the patient toilets and sleeping in patient beds, might also increase infection risk?

Oh that's ridiculous seline. You said there was a separate door between your room and the bathroom as well, so it's not like you had other women brushing past your bed to get to it.

Anyway Seline, good luck to you and yours.

It's an infection risk having other women in the bathroom full stop.

High risk vs low risk comes into play here. I had 26 weekers, not a straight forward term vaginal delivery. You may think I'm being precious but it's a very different scenario.

Shouldn’t be such a thing as shared wards in this day and age - that’s the crux of the problem. If everyone had private rooms to themselves to recover in peace and quiet it would be much better. I did as I gave birth abroad in a private hospital, no shared wards and someone could stay with you 24/7 if you wanted. We did have to pay for it but it was the best money I spent having my DDs.

But it’s a pipe dream for NHS due to money so women have to suck it up

Why is there not a similar argument to allow partners to stay when people are in hospital for other procedures? Someone having an operation isn't expected to have their partner there all night.