Men on a post natal ward

[RogueV]

The guy in the next bay is pissing me right off.
He just asked the midwife for a bed. Dick.

Why are they allowed to stay anyway? Shouldn’t they be going home?

Sorry just ranting.

Right. Well there's nothing you can do about that but that's no reason to insist those of us who do have one should have to be alone.

And the putting the food out of reach was done in such a sanctimonious way..yes I understand it's a deliberate policy but some poor shell shocked souls had nothing. Is that the outcome which the policy writers had in mind?

It's hardly a big job? Just sterilize the bottle, a few scoops of formula, Bob's your Uncle! Your baby probably isn't waking on the hour every hour either.

The assumption that a partner will do caring work is a wrong headed policy.

My point with the misandry link was that it's a made up word Men's Rights Activists chuck about if women don't simper appreciatively when they announce that As A Man they are going to set the little ladies straight, to claim that women who hurt their feelings must be "haters". FixTheBone 's little tantrum is an example...

I don't want your husband on my ward Seline. I don't want you to be 'alone', I just don't want him sticking his nose in where it's not wanted. Not wanted by me!!

It's not a big job but I have twins so it's never ending. Would be easier to just get a boob out. One doesn't wake hourly but one only sleeps on my chest!

I'd rather be on a ward where there was care for all the patients than one where those who don't have anyone are left to both fend for themselves and are too intimidated to use toilets or go to the kitchen because of strange men loitering about.

I also wonder if hideous postnatal wards contribute to our crap breastfeeding rates.

Oh god yeah the walk of shame.. hobbling to the toilet in a nightie that doesn't close at the back, leaking blood, drains hanging off me, looking like death. The bed opposite had male visitors all day so had to time it right.

Costner he wouldn't even be looking at you though. He'd be with me.

Costner77 why are you trying to turn this into a breast feeding versus formula thread?

reason to insist those of us who do have one should have to be alone.

But that is indeed policy on most shared adult hospital wards, when you’re admitted for anything else. Unless you’re actively dying then your visitors - including your partner, however lovely - go home at night, and your care is provided by the medical staff.

Seline I am sorry you had such an incredibly shit and neglectful time of it with your postnatal care. I don’t think anyone would resent you getting a private room with a baby in NICU. But for those of us who didn’t have a private room, why should we not have the same entitlement to a single-sex ward as we would everywhere else in the hospital?

I'm not turning it into that! I'm merely saying, we have a nation of martyrs to the breast these days. And what does it do? Traumatises mothers.

BowBeau

And how do you suggest I would have reached my baby to feed and change him when I was lying in bed paralysed from the chest down after a c section?

You get on with it? I wasn't being facetious when I wrote that earlier. I had a 36 hour back to back labour, EMCS with a PPH, was numb from the tits down and my dh was sent home. It was hard. It would be better with more help from HCPs.

Some of the stories on here are horrific.
Posters suggesting a post natal hospital ward is not a women’s space, if it isn’t for post natal women and their newborns, who exactly is it for, a man and his dog?

Even worse the father who suggested that if he couldn’t stay on the post natal ward, why should he be expected to bond and provide care for his children for the rest of their lives.... good grief you sound a delight, your lucky wife. Do you have to control and micromanage every aspect of family life with your involvement?

Men expecting midwives to make them cups of tea?!
Family being expected to provide care in absence of staff?!
Men using bathrooms intended for post natal women?! Who may be recovering from severe birth injuries.
Good grief.
You would almost believe that we were talking about a third world country, not nhs hospitals in a country where women are supposedly treat equally.

If there are no private rooms, the hospital needs more staffing for the women who need extra help.

I know this won’t be popular, But I actually am not in favour of all these extended visiting hours in hospital anyway. A couple of hours for new dads and siblings and that should be it. If dad isn’t around then the mothers birth partner - her mum/friend whoever is supporting her.
I think it distracts new mums and babies away from breastfeeding, and more visitors coming in loudly demanding cups of tea, disturbing other patients, and bringing in god knows what kind of infections, who knows if they have had coughs/colds/stomach bugs.
Yuck! I’m all for minimising the visiting traffic.

Ideally I would massively limit visitors, ban overnight visitor stays in hospitals without side rooms, and increase staffing. I think this would provide the best deal for women across the board as all of our circumstances are different. even advanced support workers who are trained to help with breastfeeding would plug the gaps.

Oh any male who has the gall to ask for a cup of tea for himself from a midwife in a maternity/labour/post natal ward should be laughed at!

But he'll be gawping like a lug at me. While providing invaluable support to you no doubt.

The walk of shame is awful. I managed to get a private room for my second night, and it was utter, utter bliss. On saying that, I didn't mind not having a private room with my first, because the ward was bigger and lighter, so more space between beds, and as I said in my previous post, visiting times were stricter. And nobody insisted on keeping your curtains open. The staff were fucking horrible, but being on the ward was fine. With last DC, the staff were a lot nicer, but the ward was horrific.

I had issues with the finding your own breakfast thing too. It was brought to me first time, but not the second. The midwives had signs up on the breakfast room pointing out they were for mothers only, and whoever was at the desk had to keep an eye on it in case of marauding visitors. I asked about it, and the MW said that visitors dads had been going and making themselves mountains of toast, eating all the cereal and using the milk, and lounging on the chairs chatting, to "get a break from the ward". It was costing them three times as much in food, and the mothers who were limping to the room in the hope of some toast were faced with some bloke with his feet up,and no food left.

Unicornfood I tend to agree. As much as I personally liked being visited in hospital, rather than at home where you can't get rid of the buggers.

Seline I'm so sorry for your awful experience giving birth. I had a long traumatic labour ending in EMCS. But the answer to health care is always going to be 'more health care professionals and better provision for post natal women ' not 'random men mooching about'

I understand the women who have had c-sections and say they can't cope unless the partner is there helping but at my hospital, they are put into private side rooms anyway.

The men I've encountered on the shared ward weren't there to 'help'. They were there to snore loudly, complain they've been up all night with no sleep, crack jokes and look around to see who is laughing, play loud music/games on phone, make comments about how shit it is to be expected to sit in a chair and nag their partners to swap places with them so they could lie down, be in/out/in/out for cigs and stare at the other women.
I've never felt more exposed and on display as the last time, with my bed being at the far end so had to hobble across the other bays to get to the shower or bathroom trying my utmost not to keel over because I was aware that I was being watched and didn't want to attract comments. No one should feel like that having just pushed out a child hours before. What other people think shouldn't even be on a new mother's mind.

I’m quite conflicted with this. I had to stay in a ward one night during my pregnancy on my own and I fully understand people’s thoughts on men being there. I had two snorers and a woman who was in labour who watched however many episodes of Game of Thrones on their phone at full blast until midnight. It was impossible to rest.

However after having an emergency c section, my husband stayed with me for the first night. I felt a lot calmer and safer having him there. I’m naturally quite an anxious person and having a bit of familiarity amongst strangers and a brand new baby was good for me.

For next baby - we will definitely be paying for a private room though. It’s not fair on the women who are not comfortable having men on the ward.

DH got me a private room because I get anxious in crowds and without him around so argued that we needed one on those grounds. Luckily we got one and had our own bathroom. More than people's husbands, what I found annoying was women using my bathroom! My room was behind a door with a bathroom on the left and then another door to my bedroom. Other women kept coming in and using it despite a sign saying it was private.

Seline. You’re sounding more like a precious princess with each post.

The way they would stop talking and watch me made me feel like I was invading their personal space.

Ideally I would massively limit visitors, ban overnight visitor stays in hospitals without side rooms, and increase staffing.

That would've been hell.

Why do some of you think women should care for new babies alone at night?! We didn't make them on our own, husbands can do night duty too.

I thought you were breastfeeding Seline. What did your husband do? Get his chest out?