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Men on a post natal ward

999 replies

RogueV · 23/01/2019 21:27

The guy in the next bay is pissing me right off.
He just asked the midwife for a bed. Dick.

Why are they allowed to stay anyway? Shouldn’t they be going home?

Sorry just ranting.
Angry

OP posts:
Seline · 24/01/2019 09:50

Why weren't you capable of telling the nurses you were hemorrhaging yourself?
This helpless attitude of women these days is pathetic.

That's incredibly offensive. I buzzed them three times and kept getting told "in a minute". I was screaming in pain and they ignored me. My husband ran to get help when I passed out in a pool of blood.

So I was helpless by the end, yes, because I was bleeding to death. Hmm

Costner77 · 24/01/2019 09:50

To me, the old way was the best. Babies were formula fed. Women supported each other. Men were allowed in for 2 hour visiting periods only. Midwives could feed the babies at night so the mothers could sleep. It's all breastfeeding, needing my DH to support me etc. bullcrap now. Why make life so bloody difficult for yourselves. There was far less PND back then too. Because women would pop in to each other, their friends, neighbours etc. Now you need an appointment to drop in for a chat because it's 'family' time. Tis all mad Ted!

mayathebeealldaylong · 24/01/2019 09:51

Let's bash the weak Mother's who enjoy their dp's being with them and let's understand the over reacting Mother's who can fight another day alone.
Men aren't the issue, women are. Another thread bashing women's choices.
Yes my Dp was only at the ward with me and his newborn to get a look at some post birth milky tits!

Seline · 24/01/2019 09:51

I'm sorry you experienced that, no matter what anyone's views are on men on maternity wards, no one should have to put up with that appalling level of care.
I agree. Regardless of views on visiting I think we can all agree care is shitty and needs a complete review.

mclady · 24/01/2019 09:51

I had my first child via section at 11pm. DH was sent packing from recovery and I was alone on an empty ward from 1am. No midwives came to see me. I was sore, scared and barely able to move following a spinal block. The first person to speak to me was the lady with the tea trolly. It was a truly horrible and lonely time. I had my second child at 9am, again via section . DH was able to spend a full 12 hours with his child, help me up, I could shower. It was a wonderful and positive time. Whilst I'm not saying that men should be allowed to march around on wards at all hours, there is a lot to be said for the positive impact a partner being available for at least the first 12 can have on a mother's mental heath.

Costner77 · 24/01/2019 09:52

Well that was a nursing problem. No need for your DH to have been there. Could you not have spoken up and said, no, not in a minute, I need you now?
I don't get it at all.
Women seem to think they've come far, but they're actually more helpless than they ever were.

GunpowderGelatine · 24/01/2019 09:53

When I had DS I had to leave a urine sample in the patient- only loo for the nurses to take away and some twat husband loudly commented after using the toilet "disgusting someone's left their piss in there" Angry

Sorry is my "misandry" showing there?

Interesting thing I once read about misandry and the difference between misandrists and misogynists.

Misogynists want bad things for women - they want to control them, their choices, their bodies, they want them to be second class citizens to be kept in check by men and they are happy for them to be hurt, abused and raped at an alarming rate and not believed when they speak up.

Misandrists don't want that - they just want men to leave them alone, and not be around men.

I think this is very fitting for this thread!

Seline · 24/01/2019 09:53

Costner77

I breastfed initially because my babies were born at 26 weeks. Breastfeeding has incredible benefits for sick or early babies, I don't mind anyone's choice but why sneer at breastfeeding? Hmm

blueskiesandforests · 24/01/2019 09:53

Misandry is the hatred of men. It is a combination of two Greek words namely miso, which means hatred, and andros, meaning man or male human.[2] A neologism formed analogous to misogyny (hatred or contempt for women), it was first used widely in the 1970s in response to perceived hatreds within the feminist movement.

Today, the term is frequently misused by men's rights activists (MRAs), who use it to refer to anything even vaguely resembling feminism, and/or any time a woman hurts their feelings.[note 2] As an imaginary structural bias in society as a whole, invented to counter accusations of misogyny, it is essentially identical to "reverse sexism", and analogous to reverse racism and other forms of reverse discrimination, which certainly do exist but only on an individual or otherwise subordinate level in society.

When focusing more on "institutionalized" (in other words, actually malignant) hatreds, the term is not used that much, as unlike women, who are usually somewhat underprivileged in most societies, men are not actually denied their rights and freedoms. Thus, some may suspect that the existence and/or relevance of the word itself, some even attributing its existence to an alleged conspiracy of male dictionary editors. It may help that they are themselves often accused of being misandrists, although to be fair, simply failing to acknowledge the existence of a privileged person’s hurt feelings is not actual sexism

rationalwiki.org/wiki/Misandry

Seline · 24/01/2019 09:55

Well that was a nursing problem. No need for your DH to have been there. Could you not have spoken up and said, no, not in a minute, I need you now?
I did. I don't get what you wanted me to do. I was incredibly unwell with an infection, placental failure and hemmhorage. Yet it's my fault somehow for not arguing enough when I buzzed three times and was ignored? How bizarre.

CookPassBabtridge · 24/01/2019 09:55

It's tricky. I agree no men should be allowed at night but I really struggled on my own after emergency section, drains attached to me and not being able to walk.. I got through it by myself but would have been great if DP could be there. I think the solution is walled rooms to create more privacy.

He stayed with me when I had a section abroad and we had a private room, MUCH better experience.

Thatwasfast · 24/01/2019 09:55

maya - it's ll very well supporting women's choices, but what about the choices of the 3 other women who've just given birth, feeling like they've been hit by a bus and having to listen to a strange men fart, snore and complain 1m away from them?

GunpowderGelatine · 24/01/2019 09:55

I don't think it's very fair to call a woman helpless and pathetic when she's buzzing for help and no one is coming (yes people do buzz for hours before they even get noticed). Can't exactly reach out the door and forcefully grab a nurse by the arm and drag her into your room

GunpowderGelatine · 24/01/2019 09:56

Or him Blush

Costner77 · 24/01/2019 09:56

I don't hate men. I just think there's a time and a place for them. And on a postnatal ward is not the place for them.

KateArronax · 24/01/2019 09:58

I think we are agree that postnatal care is missing the mark.

The wards I have been on were staffed at a safe level. But there were some unpleasant attitudes towards the mothers. And the more vulnerable seemed to get it worse.

Then there was the toilet with overflowing sanitary bins..cleaning had been outsourced..

SnuggyBuggy · 24/01/2019 09:59

I don't hate men I just don't want strange men around me when I'm walking to the kitchen at 2 am in my nightie.

Costner77 · 24/01/2019 09:59

Seline, I had a placental rupture, a massive bleed, a c-section, and was breastfeeding. I didn't bloody need a man there. I'm a quite capable woman. I was also hooked up to a catheter, drip etc. and managed to breastfeed. If I had my time back, would I have breastfed? Hell no. It's just making life difficult when it needn't be.

IJustLostTheGame · 24/01/2019 10:00

I remember being on the ward after a tear surgery and it was fucking horrific.
Midwives kept opening the curtain because 'O didn't want to be cooped up in there's
I did actually. The man opposite kept staring at me which is unpleasant enough without a catheter in and attempting to establish breastfeeding when I had no idea what I was doing. I was exhausted, overwhelmed and in pain, or I would have told him to fuck off.
I had one guy who managed to man spread out of the bay by moving his chair sideways until he bashed into dd's fishtank.

Maternity wards in general were grim. We had to get our own breakfasts from the room next door, as 'we had to get back on our feet asap' I couldn't yet feel my legs so I got nothing. In the end I got a cup of water slammed down next to me that I couldn't reach.
As soon as I could feel my legs I was staggering out of there.

0hT00dles · 24/01/2019 10:00

With my first, dh stayed as I had a traumatic labour and was very sore and on antibiotics which clashed with DD1’s antibiotics at 3am in the morning where he had to bring her to the neonatal ward for 7 nights. Very few women on my ward at the time(most got out after 12 hours).

On our second night, the only other woman who was in for a week starting crying and screaming in pain. I could barely move, but she knew my dh was there and asked for his help to get the nurses as they were ignoring call bells. She was in agony. She also did get up in the middle of the night before and just leave the baby screaming on its own (again, he had to notify staff as she just disappeared for ages!).

We eventually got moved to a private room as we were in for a while and without him I’d have been lost (as the staff couldn’t bring dd for her antibiotics!). But he wasn’t disrespectful-we just sat, chatted, slept at reasonable times.

On second, she was born in Dublin so men aren’t allowed stay. DD2 born at 9:30pm and he went home about 12:30 after I’d been moved down and dd came back from paeds ward (more antibiotics for me and her!) but hers where only needed for 36 hours and could be done on the ward.

Sometimes (not all!) men are helpful and considerate. Other times not

Costner77 · 24/01/2019 10:02

I looked at the other Mums on the ward, all formula feeding, and I was there with swollen breasts, cabbage leaves in a nappy on my tits, milk pouring down my nightie, sore bleeding nipples and sobbing my heart out. My how I envied the peaceful relaxed formula feeders.

Seline · 24/01/2019 10:04

Costner my bleed was placental too. You say why make life harder than it needs to be, that's exactly what you're doing by doing it alone instead of with the support of your partner. My husband and I are a team. We support each other and his support was absolutely necessary in my recovery.

Costner77 · 24/01/2019 10:05

It never ceases to amaze me what NHS patients are willing to endure.

Seline · 24/01/2019 10:05

I formula feed now as my milk supply tried up because I was exclusively expressing for prems. I hate it. Hate making and washing bottles would've loved the convenience of breastfeeding.

Costner77 · 24/01/2019 10:05

I didn't have a partner.