Men on a post natal ward

[RogueV]

The guy in the next bay is pissing me right off.
He just asked the midwife for a bed. Dick.

Why are they allowed to stay anyway? Shouldn’t they be going home?

Sorry just ranting.

I managed to cope post c section without Helpful Horatio there.

I was glad of my husbands support, he was amazing. I was on a ward with 3 other women and they all had their partners too. No problem, curtains were drawn when privacy was needed. Hardly saw the nurses at all.

I’m not thinking “my Nigel’s lovely” I’m trying to comprehend how I would have coped with a tending to a baby and then eventually navigating NICU having experienced significant blood loss and being unable to walk more than 10 metres unaided without him.

Precisely. One night at 4am we got called to say they thought DD would pass within hours. So fucking glad I had him with me.

Not on an open ward where there are other women, that's not fair on them.
My OH stayed with me (not UK) but we had our own room (paid extra for a family room and he had to sign an agreement that by staying he would be helping take care of baby) and I did really appreciate it because I wasn't able to get out of bed for the first day (bad haemorrhage, nurses wouldn't allow me to even go to the toilet without help) but if I was sharing a room with another mum I wouldn't have him there past reasonable visiting hours (like with my first child, when they didn't have the family rooms yet). They have a hospital hotel attached where the whole family (mum, dad, siblings) can stay together if there are no complications which is really nice, with a midwife clinic attached and a nurse available round the clock if needed.

it’s not ‘my space’. It’s no-ones. It’s a hospital ward. Your space is your bed and the area surrounded by the curtain.

Also this. Why do some people think the ward is their space.

If people think that men being there frees up staff for other people you are kidding yourself. As a former HCP I think a lot of people would agree with me when I say that visiting hours are the worst times for staff - demanding families, random people barking orders at staff and insisting of cups of tea, grabbing any passing staff member they can to fetch them a chair, want want want, me me me. Imagine that 24/7 - who gets left behind? The women on their own, the more vulnerable ones or the ones with useless partners.

When we are at a crossroads for "who comes first" - such as "women who want men in postnatal wards vs women who don't" - what we must always do is look for what is most important for the most vulnerable people. In this case, that is the women who are alone and abused.

I'd also like to mention that many women in postnatal wards are in DV situations and time away from their partner is the only opportunity they have to raise their concerns to staff if they can. And even if they can't having a 12 hour break from the monster who's about to get even worse with a baby added in the mix is invaluable to those women

Those of you who needed no help are lucky.

Just as those of you who feel comfortable with consultants traipsing through your room and holding conversations with DP's are lucky.

It's all well and good saying "I'm fine with this" and expecting everyone to be fine with it. But not everyone is fortunate enough to have supportive DPs and the confidence to feel secure whilst in a very vulnerable state. Not everyone has the same attitude to postpartum women that you do, and the "I'm alright, Jack" line simply shows a lack of empathy.

Baby

Don't be absurd. Have you actually been in a postnatal ward? Several women in close proximity, quite often required by midwives to leave the curtains open?

That is my space just as much as yours and unless we are in separate rooms I don't want your male partner there and I don't expect anyone to accept mine.

I'm genuinely shocked by the experiences reported here. Not in UK and suddenly v glad about that. Had private room and bathroom at public hospital with both kids, couldn't have felt better looked after. Can't imagine coping with strangers around while so vulnerable, might as well try to rest at the bus stop.

Costner77 Feminists, like any other loosely defined group of people with vaguely similar outlooks, are capable of being concerned with more than one thing at a time. The trans issues are very "in your face" atm - things appear to have happened very quickly and there are pressure groups playing the thought police very overtly, which gets people's hackles up. The men on post natal wards issue has crept in by stealth in parallel with issues with struggling NHS which everyone has to prop up. The idea family members take over nursing care is one usually only found in third world countries but creeping into the NHS ...

Pretty sure it isn't true feminists don't care, in fact there have been plenty of MN threads and some press coverage about the problem.

I was very grateful DH could stay with me. He could go buy me water (there was no drinking water tap on entire ward and the jugs available would run out overnight both times I was in), painkillers, food, and help handle baby, catheter etc.

Staff were great, but very very short staffed. They were meant to observations of baby temp etc every 4 hours but only actually managed to get to me twice in the 28 hours I was in. They definitely didn't have the capacity to to more basic stuff that DH could help with.

Why are people required to leave the curtains open if private rooms exist? If some women are allowed private rooms then what is the logic for saying curtains need to be open?

Why do some people think the ward is their space

Who else's would it be if not the patients?! Of course it's a space for women.

Men. Are. Not. Patients

Do you also agree with a load of teenagers sleeping over on an elderly ward because they want to be with nanna ? After all it's not the elderly people space is it?

I imagine for some it's hard to resist social conditioning and wrap your head round the fact that men shouldn't be the centre of everything, but in the case of a group of tired, often very ill, and almost always vulnerable women - it really is about them. If we are allowed anything in life, it is this

@C8H - yes I have , 10 weeks ago in fact and no they are not.

Being adequately cared for on a post natal wards should not be reliant on having a partner there. All women deserve a good standard of care and all women and babies deserve the safety privacy and dignity afforded by single sex wards.

Why are people required to leave the curtains open if private rooms exist?

If my hospital it was to easily check on how you are on and the most poorly women would be put in the open wards. This included me and I hated it especially trying to breastfeed.

By the time I had DS they changed the policy on open curtains thank god

I have friends who are midwives. Some of the stories they have shared about men/families are awful. Post labour wards are not mixed sex wards.

It's a public space. It's a hospital not your own hotel. You shouldn't get to dictate who comes to visit other people.

Also elderly nana wouldn't be looking after a baby or visiting neonatal, would she?

Why are people required to leave the curtains open if private rooms exist? If some women are allowed private rooms then what is the logic for saying curtains need to be open?

I see no connection between your two points.

I'm describing my experience on a post natal ward and I note its a common experience up the thread. Its common to want curtains pulled back other than for doctor visits in wards because its easy to see the patients.

What on earth does that have to do with the availability of private rooms?

Just seen the comment about go private if you want your husband there, could you not argue go private if you want privacy?

You shouldn't get to dictate who comes to visit other people.

And yet, implicitly this is what you are doing. You are imposing your partner on all the other women in the room.

If my hospital it was to easily check on how you are on and the most poorly women would be put in the open wards. This included me and I hated it especially trying to breastfeed.*

That's awful and is symptomatic of poor staffing. I had my own room despite being one of the most unwell women (at one point I wasn't expected to recover) so it absolutely can be done in a way that respects privacy. Insisting the curtains remain open is lazy nursing.

could you not argue go private if you want privacy?

Let them eat cake.

I had my husband stay with me and he was a great help. However there were a couple of other men in the room who deserved to be booted out. Gave an interesting insight to other relationships.

What on earth does that have to do with the availability of private rooms?

If they can care for women in rooms with doors, they can care for women with the curtains shut. I'm pointing out the logical inconsistency in that policy.