Being a single mum is proper graft isn't it - come on in single mums

[Janeyscleavage]

And no you can't join if you 'feel like a single mum because your husband works long hours'

How did it go with the cleaner O4fs? Any change is going to be unsettling honey, it’s going to make your life easier in the long run though - I hope you are feeling better about it all now and your anxiety has settled?

I only have one more day at work tomorrow and then a long weekend before school starts. Ds dad was meant to be here this weekend but took umbridge at me asking if he was married and so isn’t coming any more....

The cleaner was great - I took the dog out for a good long amble and discovered some new paths. In the end she did 2 hours with 2 people - I hadn't realised the house had fallen so far behind.

I still have a lot of stuff to "put away"... but I think I can possibly make progress.

Took the kids to the opticians for their checks... "Do you get headaches" - "Yes, when mum made us cry". "Do you want a sticker?" - "yes, I like sticking them on my butt". Me: ahahahahahahha-ha, um.

I can thoroughly recommend Marie Kondo. I’m very slowly working my way through my bedroom drawers as a start. An organised PJ drawer brings me great joy. (Although PJs generally bring me joy).

zigzag 😂😂😂😂🤣🤣😂😂😂😂😂

FS, did you watch her series on Netflix? I quite like her method, but she strikes me as a sandwich short a bit.

I did! And read the book. And then discovered I already had the book on my Kindle. I did find myself talking to ‘stuff’ - and I liked it.

Sigh....book club mum having spontaneous gathering Friday night. I just can't fork out more ££££
Seems to twist the knife really - that those who can get out get to go out more.

I'm a bit pissed off, it was contact evening today and dd2 was completely ignored, she's been talking to me about it all evening about how she's feeling about it.

X only spoke to dd1, probably because she"s a teenager and X probably thinks that she can be manipulated and gaslighted into an alternative reality. Dd2 is still pretty cautious about the X as she nearly had her arm broken when X was pissed up one day.

Also I'm close to getting the dds taken off the at risk register and I think X thinks she'll be off the hook once that happens.

Sorry to vent here but I feel a number of you will understand what the dds have experienced.

OF, I talk to the plants. I’m convinced it’s my accent that’s killing them 😂. But I did change my attitude towards my possesions, I don’t have many (deliberately), the ones I have are truelly loved.

theorig, you’re not alone. There was a celebration last weekend, for which I already forked £50 (present). Then they said we’re all going out to this really expensive restaurant. I sighed, it’s eyewatering priced, but said ok. Then at the last minute: oh, shall we meet for cheeky cocktails beforehand? The carpark for the evening would have been about £20 anyway.
I stayed at home. Which is shit, I should have just said: oi, that’s too much for me. But I didn't. They’re good friends, they know my limitations, but seem to think once in a while it’s ok to spend £200 on a night out. I don’t know. It’s the first time I did that, I won’t do it again. I’ll just say to them it’s too much.

disney, sorry, I don’t know much about your situation. I’m sorry the girls had a hard time. Can they actually do that, if X was/is abusive?

I

Ah yes, pyjamas. The glorious uniform of the single mother. Right now I only have 1 pair I truly love. I'm on a major "don't spend money unless you need to" drive (Sorry Marie, but if I throw all my shit out I'll need to buy new ) - because I used to live abroad a lot of my stuff isn't suitable for Scottish winter!

I think that's my problem with MK. I have been truly, horribly skint - you know, when you need to refuse the aforementioned book club/coffee out because it's way out of your budget. So I tend to keep stuff and store it away and when I do need new I buy quality which is going to last years. I had a friend embraced MK years ago and she laughed and asked why I didn't just chuck out all my junk. But then she could simply afford to buy anything she'd chucked out "last week" - e.g., cash for a new car type thing, replacing a couch after 6 months just because. I think I hoard because I've been in a shit place and also because it's nonsensical for me to pay twice for something! (I may have got MK really wrong)

I'm off to hospital today so hoping I don't get delayed and need to call on my ex - although I had a bit of a breakthrough last weekend at the party where one of the other mums said she'd be my "emergency person" - offered rather than me having to beg in that defective way of the single mother with no support.

disney I'm so sorry for your DD. Some people have no understanding of the way their actions affect others.

Finally starting to look into getting a divorce, this should be interesting

Good luck Egg. Been through it and out the other side so feel free to rant/ask/cry. It’s tough, but it is just a process - one that does come to an end.

@Eggstatic hope it all goes well.

Really struggling with anger and hate for my ex atm. He’s put me and the kids in a really bad situation and I hate his fucking guts for it. Will this fade? I’m high f to have to see him when the baby is born and right now I can’t ecen talk to him without getting angry or devastated

Egg [hugs] for you. Do you think it will be amicable and not too complicated?

I am just back from a run so here's some endorphins for you all [waves hormones around with gay abandon]

Seeing DS1 this weekend (he's at uni). Hoorah.

Naps I hope this doesn't sound patronising, but it does help me to know I can't change my ex, but I can change how I respond.

I have a long thread in Relationships which goes on (and on and on) about my dealings with ex, so I really do know how you feel.

Napssavelives it does eventually fade, although I'm not sure it ever entirely disappears. My ex-H left us 16 years ago and I was filled with hatred and anger for a long time. I only get the odd flare of irritation now and a niggling sense of injustice, when I compare how he treats his two second children compared to his first two children. I'm glad to say that most of the time I achieve 'meh'!

That’s what I want. I don’t want to waste all this energy hating him but I do.

I’ve almost finished my first solo holiday with the kids, they seem to be happy. I’ve lost it more than I want to but trying to cut myself some slack as I’m under a huge amount of pressure. (they think ex is working away a lot which isn’t that unusual and we are telling them on Saturday that he is leaving . I’ve spent the last 7 weeks trying to keep this from them whilst dickhead ex has fucked with me saying he didn’t know what he wants whilst being horrible to me, blackmailing me, and at times kissing me and going to bed together. He’s seriously been an arsehole.. so yeah that combined with being pregnant has been really hard. I’ve struggled to get through some days).

In trying to tell myself lots of people do this alone, that me the kids and the baby will be ok but it’s hard to believe that when we are right at the beginning. Long road ahead of us but also don’t really have that long to try sort everything out and support the kids before the baby comes.

We will be here to tell you it will be ok and it will get easier.

Yes you are at the start of it, and when he goes you will be in the thick of it. It’s so fucking hard, and you have to keep going and being mum and having a baby, and being a human grieving for your relationship and family and it’s so, so fucking hard. And you’ll look back at this time and think ‘how the fuck did I do that?’. You are going to get through this.

I feel nothing for XH now. Sometimes irritation, sometimes pity. I struggle to remember our life together and can’t really believe I was ever married. It’s been 4 years.

TheOrigFV45 I'm not sure exactly, I'm not sure how he's going be about agreeing to when he has the kids and child maintenance. He can't seem to commit to an arrangement now and despite saying he wants to see them more everytime we talk about it he keeps cancelling plans with them. Apart from that everything else should be quite straightforward

Is anyone else virtually NC with ex and therefore has the kids full time? Two of mine have additional needs and time for myself is an alien concept at the moment. If I get time with the kids all at school and nursery and me not at work it gets used for appointments, errands, cleaning etc. I sleep occasionally if that counts as me time? 😂

@O4FS he went 7 weeks ago, we’ve not spent a day together, he has ‘come hkme’ Early Sunday morning when I’ve gone to work and left when I’ve got home. Makes it more real telling the kids and it’s the worst part, j want to protect them from hurt and i can’t and it destroys me. In other ways when they know it’ll be easier as I don’t have to see ex. He won’t give me a maintenance figure until he’s ‘sorted himself out’ which is stopping me sorting myself out. I want to transfer everything into my name and close the joint account and be done with him but he won’t. I hate him for doing this to us, now of all times. I’m going to have a baby in 16 weeks max - although nobody thinks lll carry it to to term because of all the stress. I need to sort me and the kids out before the baby arrives and he’s blocking that. Men are selfish arseholes

I have been a lp for 7 years now. I don't mind the being single bit, mostly, but life is definitely hard. I see couples where, when one has reached the end of their tether, they tag team so that their tempers don't fray. Mine frays. On a daily basis at the moment as I am completely stressed about moving house and the mortgage payments. I haven't been able to sleep for a few days and go back to school on Monday. Tbh work will be a bit of a holiday compared to home at the moment.

I used to have endless patience and now find myself snapping at little things. I used to make everything from scratch, including bread, now I feel lucky if I have the energy to cut up veg and not just reach for the frozen peas and sweetcorn!

My ex literally lives on the other side of the planet. We have seen him once (one holiday) in 7 years.

Coconut I am virtually NC with ex.
We started off with shared care, but ex started his emotional abuse with DS2 (since he didn't have me any more) and (long story short) DS2 hasn't seen his Dad since May last year and has been with me full time.

We have infrequent and acrimonious communication regarding DS2.

I'm virtually NC with my ex too, however we are 16 years down the line and my DC are pretty much adults. I have one with additional needs and remember only too well when they were tiny that the occasional nap was the best 'me time' I ever got too!!!!! It does get easier DrCoconut.

Napssavelives at 7 weeks you should still be spitting nails, in my opinion. You need to let all that anger, disappointment, bewilderment, rage etc out. It is really, really important to let those emotions come out, as bottling them up and trying to be a paragon of calm and virtue is not healthy - believe me, I know!!!!

Tiredmum73 - I always remind myself that beans on toast or boiled egg and soldiers are perfectly acceptable meals! We mostly eat better and have access to a wider variety of foods than at any point in human history, so being kind to yourself when you are tired and stressed and doing a very, very simple dinner is not something to feel bad about.

Ds dad lives abroad so we see / hear from him infrequently. He was meant to be visiting this weekend but isn’t coming as I’ve annoyed him. Ds isn’t bothered thank god - but I’m dreading there being a point where he is.

How’s everyone doing today anyway? I’m off this morning and am meant to be blitzing the house, but I’m just sat on the sofa eating chocolate and surveying the mess. Where has my motivation gone?! Can someone give me a kick up the ass please?!