Being a single mum is proper graft isn't it - come on in single mums

[Janeyscleavage]

And no you can't join if you 'feel like a single mum because your husband works long hours'

It won’t be like this forever. It does get easier.

The first time you can pop out to the shops on your own is such a small thing, but so liberating.

First day on my own in ages. I had plans, but cancelled in favour of a 3h afternoon nap. And reading my book in bed. That’s all I’ve done all day.
I feel bad, there’s lots I should be doing, but I’m not.

happyinheels, a big hug from me. My own head is a bit of a mess, but if you were closer, I’d take you out for a big slab of cake.
theorig, swimming is my happy place too. I think part of the reason I’m in a bit of a state in the last few days is due to the lack of swimming, I last went on Wednesday.
As O4FS says, it does get easier when they’re a bit older and you can leave them for a bit on their own. Mine can cook for herself and is at that stage where she prefers to have some time in the house alone, she’s chivying me along: haven’t you got exercise to do tonight? Off you go mum!

Can I just say, I have a huge box of Hotel Chocolat box under my bed (don’t ask). I keep having ‘just one more’ 😂
What are you guys up to?

It’s ok to stop. We don’t allow ourselves the luxury. Well done on the nap and the day reading! We need more of this sort of thing!

I’m scared that if I stop I’ll have to deal with much more later on. I’m scared I’m making it worse, it’s not going anywhere, it’ll just accumulate to the point it’ll overwhelm me.
I need a head wobble.

Thank you everyone for your kind words. I've pulled myself together - it's not often I get so overwhelmed by everything but at the moment life is really a struggle!
@O4FS thank you so much for your suggestions. I went out for a walk. I've pulled myself together! It's a good suggestion about the GP and getting some counselling. I think I at last feel ready to open up and let go of all the crap from the past few years. I looked into benefits and there isn't anything I can claim right now in my current situation.

@TheOrigFV45 totally feel you about needing that sport time - it's the only time I can fully switch off but these days getting that chance to escape is nigh on impossible.

@anunseemlylovefordustin I totally agree. All my friends are in relationships and while yes they can be supportive they can't possibly know how lonely it is and how exhausting.

@Catscratchclub That sounds great! What kind of things are you doing? I'll look into it some more. And that was so nice of your friends. Oh bless you... what did you end up doing with your space? It's a case of so much you should do, could do yet cba!! We put so much pressure on ourselves don't we, in addition to all the pressure already on us.

@8FencingWire Thank you - I love cake! Funny how we can feel guilty for taking that time - I hope you enjoyed your book. The housework will always, always be there - it never ends!!

@ohamIreally That's exactly where I'm at! I feel like the house has so much to do to it and whilst I'm handy there are some things that are beyond me! Plus the little added extra of lack of finances! I googled data entry jobs but I couldn't find anything. That would be perfect for me though - something from home that would fit around the kids. Am I due my second wind then?!!

happy, I did, thank you. I read Eleanor Oliphant is completely fine. Listening to Amy McDonald, for a complete scottish atmosphere. I love that book.
Glad you’re feeling a bit better :)

@8FencingWire oh I loved that book - I was fragile when I read it and it really struck me. It gave me hope though!
Currently imagining you with Amy McDonald, a roaring fire and a whiskey in hand (my stereotypical image of a Scottish atmosphere?!!)

😂 no roaring fire, but it’s toasty.
I’m in an ultra modern scandi type apartment, everything is white bar the paintings on the walls. And no alcohol, but I’m working my way through that box of chocolate alright.

I loved that quote in the book: ‘thanks for making me shiny’ when Eleanor was thanking Laura for her new hairdo.

Ooo, like Hygge living? Along with a great book and chocolate... bliss!

Ah nice quote that evokes a heart warming moment! It's a book full of touching moments along with utter gut wrenching sobbing moments. There was a quote where she said something about there were times when she felt like she would die of loneliness. I wept those great big ugly tears that bring on swollen eyes and snotty nose at that. I think it was quite a cathartic book for me - not that my life is like Eleanor's but bits definitely touched a nerve!

🤣her office interactions reminded me of Saga Noren of The Bridge. But I know about the loneliness quote, gut wrenching. It’s a really really good book.

I’m forrin, so not sure how much is hygge and how much is what I’ve always liked/known. I’ve spent a long time in northern european countries, got the candles and the 4 o’clock coffee and cake ritual down to a T 😂😂

I plan a run in the morning and wonder of wonders, I actually took my make up off properly and used the toner and moisturiser. I’m ready for sleep now. Good night, thank yoi for the company :)

Yes! Now you've said it I can see why.

Excellent! I'll see you at 4 - one sugar for me please 😆 Sounds like you've lived an interesting life.

That's great that you've got plans tomorrow - enjoy your run with your fresh face!

Goodnight 😊

I’m a single Mum but don’t feel like I fit into any category. Get on well with dds father. She’s only 3 months. He’s had her without me on serveral occasions as I’ve expressed milk for him. Sees her every Wednesday, we’re together all day. I usually get things done around the house tidy up ect or get jobs done. This weekend he’s had her 3-9 while I went out for dinner. He has her as and when I say. She knows him and smiles at him. Guess I’m waiting for the bubble to burst. Not met a single mum in my shoes and I’m weirdly isolated. I can’t rant and moan and I wouldn’t as I’m so grateful. Everything’s going so well but I still have ups and downs as I do feel lonely but as everything’s so neat don’t feel like I have a right to complain...

Morning everyone! Yesterday's party was a huge success. Very happy kids, parents lovely - phew! And whilst probably clutching at straws and imagining things - I'm sure the activity instructor (early 20s) was flirting with sad, old me -so that was nice.

Today I'm trying to batch cook and get organised meals-wise this week as we're all eating too much crap. Also back to school tomorrow so I'll probably find toxic lunchboxes in their bags which I've not yet tackled... Will try and bin various bits of crap hanging around the house so as not to terrify the cleaner coming tomorrow for a look-see. I always seem to be struggling with lack of storage - a common problem I know! Plus there are approximately 10,692 pieces of lego all over the house.

I've got to hit the ground running tomorrow work-wise as this week has been pretty much a write off - so I need to clear some head space for that.

This morning I woke up at 3am ffs - managed to finish my zombie book though. Eleanor Oliphant was in my shopping basket a few weeks ago - but I always return to apocalypse porn - it must satisfy some sub-conscious need for everyone else to feel like it's the end of the world.

I am also going to try and put that bloody TV on the wall. I'm on the brink of bottling it for the second week in a row...

Morning. It’s nice to see some of you are feeling a little more positive. Glad the party went well Zig-zag, and yes, he was definitely flirting!

Welcome Poppy! That was me 17 years ago with DC1. (We then got together, had more children, got married then divorced because he’s a knob 😄). There was a contentment about it, just me and my baby. It’s lovely to hear you are getting on so well. It is lonely I know, don’t feel you can’t post. We all have different things going on. I have it easier than others in many ways as mine are older, I am in the family home and XH pays maintenance. My gripe is I do 100% of the parenting and with four teenagers that can be challenging - most of all it’s worrying.

Happyinheels, I’m so glad to read you are feeling a little brighter.

Morning everyone!

Welcome @Poppylizzyrose. I'm pleased that your ex is supportive. Please don't feel like you can't moan or complain. We're all in different situations and it doesn't make one persons difficulties and struggles worse than another's. It's all relative. Ah, 3 months old - that feels like a lifetime ago!

@ZigZagZombie that's great that the party went so well and take the flirting, no clutching at straws!! Thankfully I did some batch cooking a few weeks ago and my freezer is full. So it's perishables and lunch stuff I'm having to find the money for. My kids are on half term now and my son is 12 and I just can't fill him up! Thank goodness I did though as now look at the situation I'm in! I'm not a lover of sci fi but I really think that I need to read some Terry Pratchett, just to say I've tried!

Thank you so much @O4FS . It's a new day! My wobbles are back in their box! Wow 4 teens. That must take some fantastic organisational skills!

Morning you lovely lot - reading everyone is feeling much more positive this morning has really added a cheer to my day!

So glad the party was a success Zigzag can you go back and follow up on the flirting?! Get that tv up on the wall - did your nail warning thingy arrive so you could see if it was safe to drill?

poppy lovely to see you on here! I was on my own since pregnancy, and I used to get on really well with my ex - it’s literally only the last 6 months it’s gone downhill and Ds is nearly 7. It CAN be okay, and everyone situation is different!

o4fs I didn’t realise you had FOUR teenagers?!? Bloody Nora lady. You deserve a medal!!

I’m feeling much more positive today. My friend had Ds for me yesterday all day so I had a break, and then her and her husband cooked us both supper. It was SO nice!! I’m going to try and finish getting the house sorted here.

What do you all think I should do about my ex possibly getting married and not telling us? My only evidence is some nice photos suggesting they have been on holls, and she has changed her name to his surname. He lies about everything and wouldn’t tell me voluntarily I don’t think, should i just text him and ask? Leave it? I don’t know how Ds will feel if it’s true, I can’t quite wrap my head around what the etiquette is for this situation (other than tell your bloody children if you get married!!!)

Ahh I took so long to write I missed your update happy you have been in my thoughts - I’m so glad you are feeing more positive today too! Ds is only 6 and this last month has none stop eaten - I can only imagine what it will be like when he’s 12. I need to start my batch cooking now! Lol!

3 teens and a pre-teen who might as well be a teen. It takes some organising as two are very active at their hobbies. Oldest has just got his first PT job.

No sooner had I congratulated myself on my productive Sunday morning - dog walked, food shop done, kitchen cleaned - than I get a call from the footy coach telling me kick off is in 10 minutes and where is DS? 🤣 one of my spinning plates came clattering down. Still, we made it in time and he scored winning the game. Doesn’t get him off the hook for not reminding me about the match though 😡 He’s 16 FFS.

I don’t know how i will have a good relationship with my ex given what he’s done. I feel like he’s made mine and the kids life very difficult for the next couple of years. He tired for a baby for 10 months when it turns out he’s not been happy for years then he left. I’m not 24 weeks pregnant and have a 4 and 6 year old and thoroughly in the shit. I have no idea how we will manage and I’m so angry at him for putting me and the children in this situation. I know life would be easier if I didn’t hate him and I let him help me but i can’t. Pride and that.

Napssavelives I wish I knew the answer to that one! I carry a lot of loathing... although I spoke to a psychic the other week who told me it's a loathing of myself and that I need to forgive myself (i.e., it's OK to have made a bad decision and married a fuck-muppet etc., etc.) - I think there's probably truth in that. She gave me some exercises to "let go" and forgive myself. I think I'm angry at myself for having been (at that point) so desperate with my biological clock that I went for it even though there were some red flags...

Trouble is, I rather enjoy hating him! He's a very hate-worthy man.

catscratch Is it possible she's just bonkers? Someone I know tends to change her surname within weeks of getting together with someone... complete with fawning FB posts "thank you Mr X for making me the luckiest woman live/I didn't know what life was about before I met you/Every breath you take I'll be watching you " type stuff.

I haven't done the TV. I took my youngest out on his new bike and stood in horizontal icy rain whilst he did circles and loops on the astroturf - only fell about 16 times. Then I had a big nap on the couch.

You guys are hero's. After my dad died my mum was a single parent to 4 children aging from 3-8. She's a little nutty bit the toughest person I know. I think she was always strong but she had to get even stronger once she was on her own.

Single parents are incredible

Zigzag it’s definitely possible she’s utterly bonkers, yes they have been together since I was pregnant (nice huh? He left Me, left the country and then ‘forgot’ to tell her he had a son till Ds was 1) so I would have thought she would have pulled that stunt sooner though? I’ve just texted him a screenshot and asked him though. I have been letting it take up too much head space, so he either denies (which I’m not sure I’d believe anyway) or confirms it. I’m nervous now, it’s like poking a hornets nest 😬

Your afternoon sounds loads better than doing DIY by the way. Well the nap part anyway.... the icy rain parenting gets you extra mum points though!

Thanks @LadyHardy. I like the sound of your mum! 😊