Being a single mum is proper graft isn't it - come on in single mums

[Janeyscleavage]

And no you can't join if you 'feel like a single mum because your husband works long hours'

Hello everyone. I have been lurking since my pity party upthread as I felt guilty for whinging. Thank you for all being lovely

Things are HARD here, but.... Ds is curled up beside me right now being lovely company. I have a few days temping work this week and next which will drag me out the shit financially. Ds got offered a place at a really hard to get in to private school which will suit him down to the ground and means I don’t have to worry about schools anymore. I have a chocolate mousse dessert thingy and a glass of wine.

I honestly feel less alone with you guys on this thread, and am hoping you all have a lovely evening. Thank fook it’s friday eh?!!

Ps Drcoconut this is massively outing, but one of my friends told me she complained to school about their lack of understand as she was “practically a single parent during the week” and that’s why she kept being late for drop off. She lives in an actual real life castle, her husband works away during the week and she has 2 nannies and a housekeeper....

I actually hugged her because she genuinely was upset, but, you know..... I came back to my falling down semi detached watching the petrol gauge as I couldn’t afford to fill up the car. And I was on my own, as always, with no one to cal to reassure me. Hey ho!

Urgh....

Why is it so hard for my children's schools some places to understand that they can only have 1 emergency number because there is only 1 person available. ME! That's it! I'm it!

I don't give a shit if policy says you HAVE to have 3 numbers, your only getting one, unless you want to write it out three times, it's the only number available.

Dieu I'll happily raise my hand to that. I love my weekends alone - and all I want to do is be alone. I know not everyone on this thread has the luxury of even having the children away for a couple of days - and some of those that do, struggle with the time on their own. But I fucking love it! I'm all about the PJs & slow, QUIET (!) coffees until 11am. Eat when I'm hungry rather than "but muuuuuuum it's snack time at school" type thing. I'm rather looking forward to them offing to university and I can do that every day because there'll be no fuckwit man around to upset everyone.

capricorn I think fucking exhausted is possibly a permanent state. Although I noticed you posted at half eleven last night. Egads! I'm often in bed before 9. Doesn't help obviously that I'm sick... even so. I even watch the bloody NYE fireworks from my bed.

This morning DS1 kicked DS2 in the face because they were fighting over a towel. So DS1 was made to stay upstairs until 8:30 whilst I had DS2 on the couch with a pack of frozen peas on his face. Had to send him to school with a black eye. I asked when I picked them up whether any of the teachers had said anything... oh yes, apparently all of them! Yep... "at risk" from crackers single mum. Thankfully they're not embarrassed about kicking the shit out of each other and will quite happily tell anyone who'll listen.

catscratch She cried? She's basically living my dream! A castle! Hired help! No man around!

I’ve done it both ways: XH was away a lot and I had 4 babies in 5 years. It was pretty full-on.

It is nothing like being a single parent!

Giggage: can you ask other parents? That’s what I do, and i’m The emergency contact for a few others. (I’m useful because I work at home so always on hand).

There is no one.

Did has just changed schools from mainstream to sn. I won't bother going into why. It's just the way it is.

The kids, not did

I've been to my Mum's after work to collect DS3 (this is why I don't have childcare for other things as she is my only local family and unable to do more for health reasons). A nice cup of tea and a catch up about what a cockwomble my ex is helps beat the blues. DS3 is asleep now, just the other 2 to sort. I will look into what women want.

Evening all - just popped into the thread to catch up on the chatter and see how everyone is doing.

Looks like kitten might be ok ( although emergency vet had given me a massively high dose of opiates for him that I luckily didn’t give. Regular vet was somewhat horrified. I was too exhausted to complain ).

ZigZagZombie it’s still my dream to have my own horse one day! I was the classic stable girl growing up and I miss being around horses so much. Maybe one day!

I’ve also done the husband away a lot when my two were newborns and it’s hard but it is no way the same!! Having said that I don’t think I really appreciated just how hard it is until I became a single mum myself.

Kids are with their dad this weekend. Always makes me feel nervous and displaced the first evening - plus am feeling unwell so haven’t arranged to see anyone. Ex also turned up and announced his g/f (ow who he moved in with immediately) had booked a surprise weekend away so they were away this weekend- DS was meant to be going to a thing with classmates but hey ho. He also announced he had work trips next week so couldn’t do his drop off and couldn’t cover any of half term as agreed. I think he actually thought he was being considerate telling me in advance! Literally not crossed his mind that I wouldn’t somehow step in.

Have had a bit of a low this week - am in that cycle of I try to do things to socialise then feel knackered and behind so decide just to concentrate on the kids. But then have these moments of I just don’t want this life where there is no space at all for me. Sometimes it almost feels physically suffocating. Then it passes and I just get on with it again.

Hope everyone has a good weekend.

List this thread when I got logged out. I was queen. Hope everyone is doing well x

I feel so accompanied reading this thread I can't believe I didn't find it before. I love the warnings to stay away - my sister, who is generally supportive has regularly said the "I feel like a single mother" line. The last time she said it I said yes, but I earn all the money as well! It doesn't come close to explaining the challenges but I knew it would frame it in a way she understood and she has never said it again.
I'm exhausted but keep on going, another woman who has been left to do it alone when a man "can't do this anymore". Right. You poor cunt.

ohamireally 😄

I don't know any of you, but you all know me so well

I'm another one with no family, so I'm either at work or with DD. Some days I wouldn't have it any other way, some days I'd sell my left kidney to have a 'life remote' and be able to press pause for a bit!!

How’s everyone doing today? We are off to the hospital to visit the family member who collapsed next week. I’m nervous! I’ve done some work already today though, and am taking Ds out for lunch afterwards, so feeling like it’s a positive, productive day. I hope everyone else has a lovely Saturday too

Hmm. She collapsed last week. I’m hoping she doesn’t do it again next week as that’s enough drama for now

I’m visiting my elderly mother today. I go 3 weekends out of 4, which takes me down to one day at home per week. Thank goodness my DC are older now. Was bad when my Dad was ill and dying though, trying to juggle younger DC, work and all the help for my parents who are a two hour drive away.

I had one of my frequently recurring dreams/nightmares last night where I was trying to resolve multiple commitments for the DC on the same evening and be in too many places at once. No peace even when I sleep!

Fingers crossed for you today Catscratch.

Good opening line Mona. It is true, how well we all know each other’s struggles.

crumpets I'll buy another, probably in the late spring. It keeps me sane, gets me out of the house and is something for "me".

I lost my shit with my ex Nov (?) time and demanded he start scheduling right now when he would be having DC for holidays 2019 because I am sick of him telling me 10 days beforehand that he wants X dates/doesn't want Y dates - because it makes it impossible for me to plan anything. I gave him SIX fucking months notice about a horse show I was going to (cancelled now obv.!) so he could make arrangements. He also asked me to step in over NY and I said "no, too short notice". I was free... but that wasn't the point. I am sick of being dicked around and operate a zero tolerance policy.

Today: DC are off after lunch. I'm battering through the housework/admin because I love a clean and organised household when they're away. It's one thing sitting in mess when they're here - when they're away I like to pretend I'm a real-life grown-up!

mona I do have a v, v, very supportive auntie! However she's 81 and lives in Toronto - so not as much help as she could potentially be!

ZigZagZombie this is my ex re never scheduling too. He was also like this when married so I’m not sure why I’m expecting him to change. Drives me mad as he knows I will step in as otherwise DC are going to be affected.

He also just ignores the emails I send on holiday dates. Have decided my new approach is I’m just going to send him the weeks I’ve booked and tell him to cover x and y. Not convinced that will work either.

I’m also on a cleaning frenzy as want one evening where the house feels grown up!

Yup. Same.

‘I want to see the DCs because i’ve nothing else to do’ type of thing.

Yes I have very supportive family but they are half a world away, so not much good when I need driving home from hospital or after school help when I'm on a training course!!

And its DD's 'weekend with ex' this weekend, which yet again is cancelled because he has to go out tonight work aaaaaall weekend. He's seeing her for a couple of hours tomorrow afternoon... That'll be enough time to recover from his hangover get the urgent jobs out of the way.

Checking in. Tired.
DS: Mummy, you always sigh when I ask you something.

He's right. I am so desperate for some time where no one is asking anything of me.

Meh...couldn't finish...got interrupted.

Tired too. I'm in bed already DD beside me. Her absolute favourite thing is for the two of us to go to bed together so occasionally I do it.
My favourite thing is to go to bed alone in a freshly changed bed (is freshly changed).
Hope you're all having a good weekend.