Being a single mum is proper graft isn't it - come on in single mums

[Janeyscleavage]

And no you can't join if you 'feel like a single mum because your husband works long hours'

ZigZag that made me laugh! It def counts.

I'm going to the chippy van later - it's a hub of village activity there. Maybe I'll take a chair and settle in for the evening.

Moonin I’ve done Butlins Skegness few times on own, if you going self catering stop off at supermarket beforehand as onsite shop expensive, we done the premium dining also as worked out cheaper 2nd time than s.c.

The only downside was mainshows as you would see the other parent standing in queue upto hr or 2 before doors opening and no way was going to make mine stand in queue for that even with fast pass ticket, so we just stayed and watched shows in main pavilion in evening

Loads to do with little ones best fun had was outdoor water fountains bit, played where water shots up randomly especially in dark with the lights.

Evening everyone

I’m having a bit of a rubbish evening. Have had to take my 6 month old kitten to the emergency vets this evening. There is a possibility he may have to be PTS - going to have to take the next few weeks to see if they can control what he has.

I got him to help my DS (6) who really struggled after ex left emotionally and behaviourally - he struggles a bit anyway, finds friendships difficult and lacks self confidence. The little kitten is his best friend, sleeps with him, is who he goes to for a cuddle when he is upset. I’m so worried about the kitten but also about my DS and how he will cope if it is bad news.
Also they want to refer to a specialist and I’m worried about costs ( I do have insurance but not limitless) and practical stuff like work ( need to take tomorrow off don’t even know what I can say to my boss).

Just feels like nothing is going right atm. In a way wish I’d never got the cats, can’t bear for my DSs to have to go through another loss.

A bit late to the thread, but it has made me sign up for a few days at Butlins at Easter!

Sorry about the kitten, ilove. I'm reluctant to get any pets for similar practical/financial/emotional reasons. We did briefly have a hamster.

Just to give a different perspective, I really like this single parenting lark. I only have one dd, age 11, so I'm a bit nervous about the teenage years, but so far it's been good. No men, no pets, just keeping life simple.

Thus last year I've spent a load of cash on lawyers, at the encouragement of social services to safeguard the dds. I also "lent" my X 3k to rent somewhere. I get a windfall in just over a week's time, which will clear a huge chunk of debt.

I've been thinking if smartening up a bit because I haven't got any new clothes in 2 years and I've lost a load of weight being on the Anxiety diet.

But I'm starting to feel bad about it because I think I just should use it for the dds because they've had a tough time this last year.

I don't need any convincing to spend something on myself but still.

Ringfence a bit of it for spending on yourself - it should cut down on the guilt knowing that you've done the calculations and set a reasonable limit. Investing in your own wellbeing is important and ultimately helps you help your dds.

I think I'll put Butlins on hold this year. My plans for single life are to pay off a credit card and finally finish my degree. I'll just do lots of nice activities with home comforts to go to at night. Next year he'll be three going on 4 so will hopefully appreciate it more.

We have had more bad news about the family member that’s in hospital, and I called my ex and had a meltdown. I feel even worse now as he was lovely, and totally supportive. He’s not Ds dad, I was single since Ds was born for 5 years. Why does it hurt so much now? It’s like I had this glimpse into how it could be, and so even though my ex hurt me, I now know what I am missing. I am just sick of being alone with everything, and I feel bad saying that, because in real life I’m the one people come to for a blast of positivity and a pep talk. I just want to run away. I never wanted this life, I’m tied and scared for the future and I know I have to do it, but I don’t want to.

God, I’m sorry. I think tonight’s just my rock bottom.

@ilovemilton how are you? I keep thinking of you because I promised I would notice of you didn’t post, and I have. I hope things are easier for you. God knows we all deserve a break

Ah thank you catscratch. I'm really struggling and feel lol giving up.

Feel *like

We're off to Butlins in 2 weeks for half term.

Crumpets Within 6 months of leaving my ex - dog + horse died ffs. My youngest doesn't remember either of them - but the eldest does get upset sometimes - he gets himself in a state "why does everyone and every thing have to die ?"... which can feel like somewhat of an existential question to be deliberating over your toast... I do hope kitten can make it though.

disney I do spend on myself and try to do so without guilt. There is the thought "oh god this would help them buy a house" or something, but I need to live my life too. If my children were wearing rags and I was getting my nails done weekly I'd feel differently. But everyone is well provided for so I'm OK with the indulgences.

moomin I think you can do a single day at Butlins which for a 3 year old might be more than enough anyway. Going away with overly-tired and cranky kids is no fun at all. A day out would be far more manageable because back in to own beds at night - much more settling for the little ones.

catscratch Talk to us. We might not be physically or emotionally close to you - but I promise I will never, ever get you pregnant and then fuck off and leave you!

Really feeling it tonight. Been ill for about 10 days with flu and now a really nasty cough. Tonight I was trying to cook tea for the kids and I just started choking - on air, I mean from absolutely nothing! I was on the floor gasping for breath. Could not get my breath at all. Totally scary. I broke out in a rash because of not being able to breathe. And the noise was awful! Feeling totally lousy. And it's the enormity of, crap, there is no one to help me or look after me. Crap, I am totally alone. And it's crap! A few nights ago DD was feeling really sick and there I am doing her a hot water bottle and getting a sick bowl for her despite every muscle in my body screaming. Because that's just how it is as a lone parent - we are the parent and our kids still need us no matter how ill we are.
So sorry for moaning. I can't really say this to anyone else.
Oh, and I haven't washed my hair in over a week as my head is just thick with cold!

done a name change, my X has trash talked to the DCs about me and I'm really tempted to contact my Xs employer and tell HR that the DC's were put on the at risk register because of him, is a chronic alcoholic and didn't comply with any court orders and copy them in on the rehab report.

fuming

Crumpets, I got a kitten for DC, they adored it, and when it disappeared 18 months later DC was devastated, but they got over it. Kids can be remarkably resilient. Sadly though that’s sometimes because they get used to being let down ☹️ We got another cat, he disappeared after 3 months! Our current one we’ve had for 3 years 🙂

Moomin, I’ve taken DC away on a lot of cheap caravan holidays or short breaks in PI or TL in seaside areas. I’ve saved up enough for DisneyLP, we were going last year but had to cancel so intending to go this year. I saved for 5 years to do it though. I do get lonely on holiday though. The first few were a killer, sat surrounded by “happy families”, I literally cried. Sometimes my mum will come but not always. Just booked 4 nights in Cornwall in Easter hols £179 for a chalet.

Disney, buy some clothes. I spend money on myself last of all and today I realised that most of my clothes are older than DC 😂😂😂 time to spend some on ME for a change. Good job I’m not trying to pull isn’t it 😂

So glad to have found this thread again. Single Mum to DS who’s 5 and I’m so tired. I need to sort my life out, but for today I’m just...... DONE. Anyone else ever get like that? I don’t know which major balls up to address first!

Sorry to all of you having a tough week. Catscratch I hope things improve.

I just want to let off some steam.

Went out with an old friend last night and she said to me "Of course, I'm mostly on my own and it is just so exhausting."

I had to bite down hard and change the subject quickly as I could feel my blood boiling as I thought about her lovely husband who does work away a lot but is also so hands on and when he is home does everything he can, her cleaner and the 8 years she had overseas with a live in maid!!!!!!! I thought about the relentless 16 years of single parenting I've done without any of those things and the weight of every decision taken all by myself and wanted to throttle her with her pashmina.

Anyhow, first world problems, not even really a problem but just made me feel angry.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Can I join. Seperating at the moment, he dropped this bombshell a month ago. have 2DS 4&6 and 22 weeks pregnant (yes my husband is that much of a bastard).

We’ve just booked a last minute feb half term break to butlins, was a real bargain. Feel like I have a long toad ahead of me to everything been normal and us all been ok again. I’m still breaking down most days, it’s always good to hear from those who have been through it, that we will be ok.

Today I'm really feeling it. 2 of my kids have additional needs, my ex has left us high and dry (we are NC because of the situation and he has no money to go after) and it's just all bloody relentless hard graft. I can't go to my evening class or the gym after work any more as no childcare, my hair needs doing (no childcare and can't justify spending too much) etc. I see others with supportive loving partners, NT low needs children, hobbies, concerts, evenings with friends and pampering sessions on a regular basis and wonder how I came to this. I feel fat and frumpy and old and tired. It goes something like - Friend "we're going out for dinner on Saturday and we've just booked our holiday, nothing fancy just a fortnight in the Caribbean". Me - "DS2 has a hospital appointment. DS1 needs to see the doctor again about his prescription. I might be able to afford an ice cream in the park if I'm lucky". Meh. I'll get over it and myself, one undeniable thing about lone parenthood is you keep on keeping on.

The responsibility is overwhelming and sometimes I know I lash out at family and friends. I don't feel proud when I do but when trust in general has been decimated that's the consequence. I just don't trust anyone or believe anything. It makes me hard to be loveable. Adults who know me sufficiently do understand. I'm trying to unclench a bit but that's a work in progress.

The main thing I come back to is the children are safe and settled and get to school washed dressed, teeth cleaned, homework done, with breakfast, and we have calm evenings, mundane baths and talks, laugh now and then. We enjoy doing the things we do. Shielding them from the shite is excruciating though.

Dr coconut hope things get better soon! Have you got a what women want project near by? Exercise is my saviour, it's more mental health for me . My what women want project offer crèche at a loca gym for 1.5 and you pay 1.50 to attend a class, they also do buggyfit in the Park. Is there anything near by? Failing that YouTube has tonnes of free exercise vids you could do at home. Maybe treat yourself to some weights, they're always on sale on gumtree fb ect.

I think my response to this was just to stop doing anything. If I see friends it’s generally in the day when the DCs are at school. My evenings are largely spent doing pick up and drop offs for the DCs activities. Last one was 9pm last night. 🙄

Although the going out and doing stuff is lovely, that time just gets displaced, and everything you would have done in that time still needs doing either before or afterwards.

I think I decided it wasn’t worth the stress. 😔

And we can’t afford the days lost due to hangovers.

I have an absolutely terrible confession to make.
I much prefer the weekends when my 3 are at their dad's place.
I love being on my own.
I've absolutely had it with laundry, tidying, packed lunches, nit treatments, cooking, etc etc.
Can anyone else relate?

I do on day 1, definitely
By day 2 I’m pleased to be back with then

I can relate, Dieu. A bit of a break makes all the difference. It's really tough for those who don't get that.