Being a single mum is proper graft isn't it - come on in single mums

[Janeyscleavage]

And no you can't join if you 'feel like a single mum because your husband works long hours'

You can do it O4FS. Please report back!

Dead easy. They just clip on (once I chipped away the ice). I am counting that as fully equipping myself in the art of car maintenance.

Yeah....I didn't want to say
You may have your Level 1 Car Maintenance badge.

I once stood outside Halfords determined NOT to pay their sodding headlight bulb fitting charge, trying to work out how to get the bulb in. "How hard can it be" I thought. Am sure the cars and Halfords conspire to make it really hard.

Eventually a friend and her husband came along and I admitted I was being bloody minded. He popped it in in seconds. Know your strengths I say.

Decided one needed replacing so went to my local independent motor accessory shop and purchased wiper blade. Was disappointed when shop keeper swiftly attached said wiper blade, and quietly took offence as he assumed the level of my (now quite considerably) car maintenance ability based upon observation of my gender (probably).

Do you think I spend too long on MN? 😄

Single parents I salute you
You are amazing and doing a tough job and don’t get the recognition you deserve

O4FS Tip: never turn on your blades if the window is frozen... the blade may well stick to the windscreen and you end up with flappy poles. A lesson learned nearly 30 years ago - hasn't failed me since! I realised this morning I need to swap mine over until I get to Halfords next week. The one on the driver's side isn't swiping properly.

gast I sat mine down last night and explained that mummy's head gets fuzzy inside and she needs some quiet time in the morning to figure out her day etc. They both apologised for getting up at 6am and said they understood that mummy needs quiet. This morning they flew down the stairs in a tumbling ball of fighting at 6:15 am. I lose my rag all the time with the non-stop battering of each other. It gets to the point where I find myself saying "if it's not bleeding, I just don't care" and "how many times have I told you not to fight?". Le sigh.

I'd have liked someone to cook last night or even at least run out to the shop and buy a loaf. Instead I had to cook and before I went to bed put on the bread machine for packed lunches. The butter was too hard to spread. I realise these are all first world problems - but please, won't someone just take over for one day?

Ah zigzag yes! It’s the little things like the hard better that can make our eyes prick with tears. There aren’t any shortcuts unless we’ve had the foresight to make provision for the shortcuts at some point previously! Have you got a milk delivery service? Creamline dairies - you can order up to 9pm for next morning delivery. It’s saved me many, many times.

Thanks for the wiper tip. I’d left them ‘on’ from the day before so when I put the engine on to start defrosting, they swished. Through the 4cms of snow on the windscreen. 🙄 lesson learnt!

at floppy poles! The struggle is real!

I lose my rag. Lots. Actually it's more simmering and muttering and 'what now?'. I really try not to completely lose it (history with ex) and that can sometimes render me biting my tongue so hard, falling apart and calling Samaritans to calm me down. I'm working on it.

DS is OK in the morning, it's when it's his bed time and he's fart-arsing around. I think it's the thought of knowing what else needs to be done once he's in bed that stresses me and I just lose all tolerance for anything other than teeth, toilet, bed.

But God it is SO much better than it was. I do have to remind myself of that. It's hard but it's hard on my terms.

My other single parent top tip (I have two - the milk delievery is the other) is to put timer switches on your lights. Not switching everything off and going up to bed in the dark makes me feel less lonely. 😐

I reached the end of my tether on Sunday. I could not bring myself to get the school shirts out of the dryer and distribute them. It made me really angry that I had to do it. (So I didn’t). I’m still resenting those shirts.

I do get milk delivered and tbh I had time but not inclination yesterday to go out and buy bread... I did take the butter out of the fridge last night but the kitchen must've been nippy. I keep a very well stocked pantry so we're never really "out" of stuff - but maybe I need to bake some bread or a cake rather than just tearing open a packet.

Where the fuck are all my eldest's school trousers? I swear I buy new ones every month - yet this morning despite having just had 6 days off school there was not ONE pair which fit him. Has he been putting them in the bin once he's worn them? Tbh wouldn't surprise me - I've caught him putting cutlery, socks & pants in the bin. :(

I've just ordered 6 school shirts for the new school. £60 bloody quid. Will my ex contribute? Will he fuck. Tbh I won't even ask him - he'll only kick off and I'll be asked "what have you done with all the money I give you?". Yes people - roll your eyes!

This morning I had a doc appt. at 8:30 which was booked when they were at the other school and the times worked better. This morning I had to shove them out the front door with money to buy a hot chocolate at the village shop. Just to make sure everyone knows I'm a crappy barely coping single mum!

Sounds to me like you are on it!

Perhaps we should be more prepared to say ‘ah, fuck it’ more often?

Single parent of 3 years here with 3dc. Luckily mine were young teens and a 9 year old when I ended things with my ex.

He sees my youngest for a couple of hours each week and calls the kids but that's it. I've done it all on my own.

It pisses me off that he can go play happy families with his new gf and have another child but can't be bothered to be s parent to our kids.

I'm not a single mum, and I think that any single parent has an immensely hard job - you have my respect!!

Single parents I salute you

I feel bad but I really hate this kind of comment

ditto blackheartedsoul! ex-H has two further children by the 2nd Mrs Lovebutter who he had the affair with and they want for nothing. They wear the poshest of posh kids clothes, go to the smartest private schools and have every gadget you can imagine. ex-H takes them to football and ballet, pays for extra tutoring, takes them on multiple skiing holidays and so on. Model father!!!!!

Meanwhile, I scrape around and bought the DC clothes off ebay, they save all their birthday money for their phones and not once in their entire childhood (and they are 19 & 17 now) has ex-H ever taken them to a single club or activity, let alone attended parents evening and they haven't been on holiday with him since 2012!

I have to force myself not to think about it because otherwise I would foam with anger on a daily basis.

Gast don't beat yourself up too much. None of us are perfect and its ok to lose your temper every now and then. Sometimes DC need a reminder that their behaviour is really annoying too and that the end consequence of that will sometimes be that they get shouted at! I always apologised and the DC nearly always did too and were a bit kinder to each other afterwards (for at least 5 mins!).

Catscratchclub that is FANTASTIC news. So glad you managed to work it out.

Loving this thread (sorry I've been mostly lurking). But it's so reassuring to hear that I'm not alone in my struggles.
I am also learning useful tips like the fact I can replace wiper blades (I thought I'd have to take it to the mechanics).

Zigzagzombie I feel your pain. Mine keep losing school jumpers and for an embarrassing two weeks my 7 year old has gone to school in her 4 year old sister's jumpers (halfway up her forearm). Sigh.

Re windscreen wipers, if it does look too mysterious - then you can go to Halfords and for a very low sum of money a shop assistant will come out and do it for you. I think they also do bulb replacements too.

I get milk delivery :-)
I also get Hello Fresh (when on offer) or Ocada. When DS1 comes back from uni it's back to Aldi bloody great lump

I've had wipers fitted this week at Halfords for £2, and the very kind chap there ran through the stuff they will fit for you, all I think for £2, which was useful to know.

I'd probably have gotten a lot out of writing on this thread (I do from reading it!) but it's those 'I'm not a SP' comments that keep popping up that put me off. They're inevitable because people can't help themselves and it winds me up. I won't be anyone's entertainment or reality check and I won't be patronised. I could not stand it. Not today anyway.

I do agree, but don’t like to say because it’s meant kindly. 😔

Especially the ‘I used to be a SP so I understand but now I’m not and it’s so much better’. Sorry, but no.

WWYD:
I need to collect DS2 from CM by 6pm (15 mins drive away).

I also need 1) to have a shower after my lunch time run (I don't smell, just a bit scruffy) 2) pop to Sains for some bits

I could finish work at 5pm, shower, collect DS, Sains (with DS - not great), cook dinner
OR
Finish work, Sains, collect DS, shower (DS will be hungry, shower won't be relaxed), cook dinner
OR
Finish work, Sains, collect DS, cook dinner, shower

Hmmm, think last one is the best option - personal hygiene last on the list!

Definitely not Sainsbo with tired DS2! Any other combo.

Finish work, collect DS, Sains, dinner in sains cafe, shower, PJs. 😊