Being a single mum is proper graft isn't it - come on in single mums

[Janeyscleavage]

And no you can't join if you 'feel like a single mum because your husband works long hours'

I could be well wrong with this, so forgive me if it's not your situation

The thing that really pissed me off on behalf of single mums, is the bullying that arseholes (men and women) think they can get away with. A number of the single mothers I've met have done a runner from a bully which is why they are single.

I'm lucky I don't get that at all, mainly because I can get away with a stern fuck off. It the well meaning passive aggressive criticism, "your works suffering because of your kids, your kids are suffering because of your work"

That's the wind up I find the hardest.

I cried the other night watching Casualty because Ethan loves Alicia and she left him and all I could think was that I thought I had found the love of my life, but he left us and I can't imagine ever feeling that way, that passion, with anyone ever again. Daft I know, but it really upset me :(

Similar to other stories, classic MLC, younger OW, friends wife, totally denied, now married with 1 DC.

Most of the time I am more than happy on my own, except for as stated before, weekends can be lonely etc. I am trying to change that though, we are off to the cinema again this weekend, only £4 a ticket as its an older film now.

For a while, XH moved 150 miles away (is closer now again) so I had to demote him to 4th emergency contact after mum and 2 neighbours!

Last year when it snowed and DC was there, I asked him to hold on to them if the roads were bad. He replied that they couldn't do that as they had to work (and DC told me that the SM called me a silly cow). Guess who has to take a day off when the school is closed? Me. Guess who has to rearrange work and everything when school is closed? Me

So my life gets harder yet theirs mustn't be disrupted........

@TheOrigFV45

Not sure but something just clicked.
Hope you’re doing ok, really do

Yes to the bullying. I've found with my piss taking neighbours.

Before when my ex was around they would be friendly, but now he's gone... They are taking the piss big time and think that I won't react so they can get away with it.
And good help you if you dare try to stand up for yourself.... You're immediately public enemy number one.

disney I find that attitudes to working men and women and childcare or childcare emergencies are very different. My boss's wife travels a lot, so he has to do drop off and pick up from school fairly often. He thinks he's being super supportive doing this and delights in telling us all and therefore starts at 9.30am and leaves at 3pm, telling us all he'll be back online later. Yet, none of the women in the office who want flexible working can get it! I paid through the nose for childcare, so that I was in by 9am and stayed until 5pm.

In my previous job, which was admittedly in the City, men who did anything childcarey got all the "aw, isn't he good" or "top guy, pulling it out for the kids" kind of stuff. Women got "she's not very reliable, always needing time off for the kids" or "she'll be late again, probably doing school drop off" kind of shit.

There is so much prejudice and judgement, which usually bears little relation to reality. Some people have this weird notion that working mums are lazy slackers who just can't wait to skive off work to sit on candy clouds with their kids, when usually they'd much rather be at work, than having to go and mop up vomit, or hang around at the school gates with their miserable, cold children because bloody wrap around is late opening again.

I'm perhaps one of the few who doesn't get lonely or feel they're missing out. The only man I yearn for is one I managed to chase off in a pique of insanity over 20 years ago and alas he doesn't seem to have reconsidered... I am never without a book - when I'm not ill I have time consuming physical hobbies and then once in a while I have a Netflix binge. If I fancy doing something sociable I'll whiz around Sainsbury's rolling my eyes at people!

This is massively outing but I've just managed to contract Lyme disease - or at least symptoms have rampaged forth. So I'm filled with toxins which are making me a blubbing mess. I do not cry. Crying is not within my remit. Yet I've done it daily for a fortnight ffs.

My NDN is a single mum with a "great support network" - I suspect though through my dealings with her she's actually a CF [tm] with a brass neck! It's a balancing act for sure!

zigzag I do love bingewatching stuff on my own, bought Downton Abbey on sky last week. DC loves Friends so we watch a few episodes every day and when we get to the last episode of series 10, we start all over again. I thought I was obsessed, but DC is worse! You also don't realise how often they talk about sex until DC starts watching it. Luckily DC thinks that sex is taking all your clothes off and getting into bed with someone. They have no idea about what happens after that .

I was initially treated for Lymes once, but turned out to be cellulitis. Hope you feel better soon.

I have been lucky that my mum has been very helpful, but she is disabled and it has only become easier as DC has become older, she couldn't manage them often when they were younger. I was so so lucky with a neighbour too a couple of years ago, who enabled DC to go to Brownies/Scouts every week by having them after school and taking them with her own DC. I used to throw some food at her every now and then and buy her lovely gifts for Christmas and Birthday . It meant that I didn't have to come home from work early and DC got to go to the club.

I honestly had an easier life being a single mum to one child that a married mum of two 🤷🏻‍♀️ I'm more fulfilled now though and I see how it can be much harder to be a single mum. Really depends on you as a person

MargoLovebutter

You are very right I can get away with things that you probably couldn't.

Its not to say that I want to get away with things, the workplace needs to be more accommodating of parents and even more accommodating of single mums.

But my employer is very accomodating for which I am immensely greatful.

Oh I get the bullying. Probably outing but I li be in a masonette with a tiny patch of grass (garden) each one has a picker fence round. Anyway I bought a paddling pool for my youngest 2 it was tiny and could probably only fit their feet. Well they never got to find out as I put it away. A boy from another garden started shouting over our fence he wanted to play in it. I said sorry but it's new and my ds was were going in. His dad then storms out and shouts at me if I don't let his fucking son in it he will cut it up. What's even worse is they had a big one in their garden. I pointed it out and he said my son wants to go in that one and he then proceeded to carry on shouting. So I said sorry boys and put it away. My youngest was so upset. Funny how he was never so aggressive when my 6ft 4 20st ex lived here.

Just on my way home from work , been coughing all day , my body has started aching all over and my throat kills . Got to pick up kids and do parenting things when all I want to do is get in bed .

YY to bullying by neighbours after the ex left. I've had this too

Can I pop back to update you all? I asked my boss to reconsider my working hours.... they offered me a different role working 10-3 instead. I am over the moon!!! So utterly thrilled. I will be able to breath a bit - so bloody grateful and relieved. Timing couldn’t be better as I sobbed on way to work this morning as I’d forgotten Ds coat (it’s snowing here!) and he got a bad mark in his spelling test as I had forgotten to practice them with him. I feel (felt?) like I was letting him down so badly.

On that’s brilliant Cat! Am delighted for you! That’s a game changer!

Thank you O4FS I don’t think work realised what a massive change it would make for me and my son. I’m thrilled!

Also agree about the bullying. There's been a couple of incidents with neighbours over the years where I've been challenged or had something commented on as they know there's only me in this house (so no big bad man who can come round and challenge them!). Both of these times it's been old grumpy male neighbours who have commented on things too. As a lone female you are seen as easy prey.

Also love a good binge watch though. I do not miss having to share a remote.

That's great news re: hours Cat. Having an understanding and flexible employer when you're on your own is a god send!

That’s fantastic new cat so pleased for you.

I know how awful the feeling is when you’ve not had time to do homework, send in clean pe kit etc.

I've just spectacularly lost my temper with the boys. They just wouldn't get off the stairs and get into bed and we're just bickering. I shouted and swore and now feel like shit.

Thanks everyone

Gast you are doing your best, I often (more often than I wish!) lose my temper and then go and apologise after. In a way I think it’s good that they know you are human and have limits. Today is a new day eh?

That's great news Cats must be such a weight off your mind.

Gast don't beat yourself up. I have been there more times than I would like.

Gast
We have all been there
Apologise his morning, and move on

New day today Gast . How we come back from that is more important. Apologise, hug, carry on as normal. We all fuck up, it’s how we handle our fuck ups which counts.

I’ve realised this week that I only shout at one of my children. 😔 I’m booked back in with my counsellor to try and address this. His behaviour is much like his father’s and it triggers me, and now he is 16 I feel it’s crucial to address it now, before it is ingrained and becomes who he is. He’s his DFs favourite by far, but it has occurred to me that DS is being manipulated to being the one who meets his DFs emotional needs, and not the other way round as it should be.
I am expecting DS to say ‘I’m going to live at dads’ (XH has already tried this with DS1). Won’t be happening, BTW.

I overslept, loosing that 30 minutes of wiggle room time has made me really miserable

Overslept here too. I normally rely on Alexa but must have told her to ‘stop’ rather than ‘snooze’

I can confirm that ds y7 is capable of getting ready and out the door in 6 minutes though. Couple of cereal bars in his bag to eat on the school bus and he’ll get a bacon sandwich at break time.

Not perfect parenting today but if I can get to the end of each day and say ‘everyone fed, no one dead’ then I deem it a success.

I’m about to learn how to replace wiper blades as mine came off on in the snow yesterday. Wish me luck.