I've been a SP for years. My youngest was young and the older ones primary/secondary. Now the youngest is in secondary and the others have moved out.
I, well we all do, look back at some times and wonder how the fuck did we survive. The endless well everything. I would get one thing fixed and another thing needed doing. The endless appointments with the kids and of course my own. The feeling like shit and dragging on. Having a really shit day and no-one there to comfort you, I found that immensely difficult. That loneliness. Once the kids were in bed that would be it, no other person to bounce ideas off, to talk about where to visit, behaviour, meals, whatever shit was on the tv.
Oh and then the hell that meant I had a toddler and teens in the house. All those hormones. I remember one day someone saying how I must have it easy. I said be my guest, have them all for a couple of weeks during the holiday. I also did a little growl before I made that suggestion, which oddly wasn't taken up.
But of course, there was lots of laughter. Special occasions I've always involved them in the planning. Silly little traditions that we took on and mean something to us. Started doing it that first Christmas, just to try and brighten it up.
Over the years I've been told they are a real credit to me. And they are. I had no family around. Even when I was with ex a lot of it was down to me anyway aside from the emotional support. We all have a huge bond, are very close and know we can trust each other.
One thing that they always respected me for was when something bad happened (drugs for example) I didn't react by shouting and making idle threats etc. I dealt with it calmly and talked to them. Afterwards a cuddle and of course the sanction. But it was the fact that I took time to listen to them that made an impact. They always knew that they had the safety net of home, not that I encouraged them to drink etc.
It is hard. But it's also about how you deal with the situation. For us, it was the organisation (massive chalkboard sticker on a wall and one on the fridge. Everything went onto those board - the big one day to day, the fridge anything shopping related.) Even with smartphones, I find the chalkboard invaluable as it's always there.
Crap around the house. Is it used? Does it have anywhere to 'live'?
Not used, bye. Storage problem, put to one side, has a home put away.
Then relook at the storage. Stuff we didn't want, ebayed etc. A couple of times it's paid for Christmas, a holiday and days out.
I know it seems really hard now. But it won't last forever. Yea mistakes will be made along the way. And? Even if you were with someone mistakes would be made. It's how we learn and improve. As long as they have warmth, feel safe, have someone to confide in, had food and their emotional and physical needs are taken care of, the rest will somehow fall into place. Yes, the childhood/chore is a hard balance. But you also have to remember that you want them to be independent adults. I'm not suggesting child labour lol, but they can all chip in and do something even as toddlers. Older ones talk to and work out a system that works for you all. For me that's what family is about. Supporting and helping each other.
Oh and Youtube tutorials are your best mate. I've learnt how to re-wire alsorts, plaster walls, lay flooring including carpet on stairs, made furniture from scratch, put up shelves, curtain poles, plumbed in fittings for the washer (none when I moved here), put up the sky dish, did a kitchen, fixed a bike after some cunt stole the wires, pads and lever things and countless other stuff . Two vital pieces of equipment needed a decent drill and an electric screwdriver. All that flat pack diy stuff is a breeze.