Being a single mum is proper graft isn't it - come on in single mums

[Janeyscleavage]

And no you can't join if you 'feel like a single mum because your husband works long hours'

What do people's day look like then?

I forfeit sleep in favour of having a quiet cuppa in bed before DS2 gets up for school. So I was awake at 6am, and farting-arsing around on social media and making my todo list.

DS2 up at 7am and we finished decorating a cake he wants to take to his childminder. We have had LOTS of issues with him being unhappy with after school care, but finally have found the most lovely CM. It has really made a massive difference.

Until 8.20 I helped get him ready (he's nearly 10 so pretty much sorts himself out), but he needed a packed lunch today. I potter around tidying and looking at laptop. My head office is in Hong Kong so it's good to catch them before they finish for the day.

I'm at my desk now until I collect just before 6pm. Mostly working, but will get my brows waxed at 9am. I work from home and she's just round the corner so this is my once-every-six-weeks treat.

I will either go for a bike ride or run at lunch time.

I'm doing a post grad course at the moment; related to my work. I have a webinar at 4pm.

I feel on top of things this week so far.

Spag bol for dinner, so I'll get that on the go at some point (HUGE benefit of working from home - I can so easily prep the meal in a 5 min break and then get it started in the next break).

We have a game of Monopoly to finish later.

I know where did the weekend go. I'm sitting in the staff room with my coffee feeling a bit shell shocked. How are you all today? X

Can I join please?
Technically I'm still married but H checked out of being a Parent about a decade ago.
Two years ago I moved to the next county to get better help for kids.
Eldest ASD, youngest now being assessed.
I got a job last autumn.
Its been almost impossible with school refusals, kids meds appointments. H has not covered once. Not once. So they let me go.

I love my kids to bits, but i am SO TIRED.
The longest he has ever looked after them was 2 days this autumn.
Took them camping - 2 miles from where i live, so youngest came home twice. He barely even thinks to feed them!
But given he nags the kids about 'leave your mother alone you are wearing your mother out' - no it's not them its YOU failing to be a parent - I'm not that sorry his 'babysitting' has never materialised.

I am exhausted. I am resentful (esp when he delivers them back after two hours soaking and frozen, coats, boots chucked on floor and swans off) Or the time last autumn when i'd just started new job / Uni course (all now gone) and he took a week off work but didn't tell me as 'he needed a rest and didn't feel up to babysitting' (they are 14 and 11... but ASD so it can be tiring but they are HIS too?)

But my biggest fear is:
soon they will be gone and I will have missed all the best bits.

First day of my son at nursery for settling and we didn't sleep so well. Very nervous. I don't think the nursery are that good - we are moving soon and he won't be there long but it doesn't make me feel any less nervous! And he's had a bit of a cold. We had a bad pregnancy and traumatic birth which gives me a lot of anxiety about leaving him with people as I nearly lost him, but being a single mum I need to go back to work and earn some money!

Single parent for 7 years...DC approaching the teenage years...

Whilst it's much more preferable to being married to a knob, it's just relentless isn't it?

"Oh I know how you feel, DH doesn't get home til late every night...". No. No you don't.

It's knowing the buck stops with you.
That there is no one else.
It can be overwhelming.

One thing I really hate is having tradesmen in (and it is usually men, never had a tradewoman). I just feel really intimidated arranging it in the first place and when they’re here carrying out the work. I’m having an internal wall knocked down today, thank god they’re only here for one day.

But my biggest fear is:
soon they will be gone and I will have missed all the best bits.

Christ, yes. This with a million bells on.

May I join please? Great idea for a thread!

Been a single parent since pregnancy! ExH had an affair and cleared off just as I found out I was expecting, he never been a part of our lives since (his choice entirely, though I think it's for the best thing). I spent the first 2 years of my boy's life struggling with a baby, juggling this with returning to work and sorting childcare, and also going through an awful divorce. I look back now and still don't know how I got through those years.

Fast forward and DS is nearly 6. It is hard work and pretty relentless, and as a previous poster said I also find it intense sometimes being just the two of us. However, it has got slightly easier as he's got older.

After being on my own for nearly 7 years I feel pretty set in my ways now and despite forays into online dating occasionally I'm really quite happy on my own.

I do have help from my parents, but they are getting on now in age. I sometimes wake up and panic what if something happens to me, what will happen to DS, and I agree that feeling is massively overwhelming.

Re tradesmen...don't you always find that you get "check with your husband" "can your husband do x before we arrive" etc? Drives me nuts!!

Yes Ilove, I also had a double glazing salesman recently knock and when I opened the door he said 'Is there a Mr at home?'. I was fuming!!

When having an extension done "we can't go ahead now until your husband has signed the documents as well, as they are permanent changes to the property."

Oh dear, well we can't go ahead then, since I own this property myself!!

I have not had that 'check with your husband' thing. OMG, just let them dare!

Going back to someone saying ‘we’ll miss the best bits’ - you won’t. when you see them as young adults you think ‘I did that’ and there is no feeling like it. Proper conversations, with them and their pals; when you come home and see 10 pairs of size 10s lined up in the kitchen and laughter coming from somewhere in the house. Hearing music that isn’t yours (always surprises me). Watching tv and laughing at the same time at something. Arms around your shoulders and a chin resting on your head, just like you did to them.

There’s so much to look forward to. Wonderful people. Us and them.

Hi 57Mt - welcome to the thread!

We do get the best bits. I was there for so many first's in DC's life that XH chose not to be part of. I attend every single school play, concert and event. I have the cheap holidays where she has fun in the pool and at the park. I have the theatre and cinema trips. DC's father does none of those things with them and therefore he has missed so many best bits, not me.

I also have DC's love and respect and admiration for all of the things that I do (even if it doesn't always feel like that).

Today has been a bit odd, didn't feel well this morning, so got DC off to school then went back to bed for a couple of hours. Then got up and working from home today, so hit the tax returns again. DC got home not long ago. Have eaten 2 latte's and 2 pain au chocolates all day, so am starving now.

XH crawled out the woodwork again today, and actually gave 2 weeks notice of his next intended visit rather than the usual 24 hours. He now works Saturdays so can't pick DC up until the afternoon. So basically DC will see him for 24 hours.

Still it will be only 7 weeks since the last visit this time!. DC should think themselves lucky. It was 4 months previous to that!

04FS what an emotional post! Thank you!

O4FS I read your post and burst into tears, and the children were all like “Mummy what’s wrong, has grandma died?”!!!

Tradesman coming back tomorrow but only for an hour to finish off. It’s been a white knuckle ride today (frantic conversations with structural engineers etc. House is still standing so far though ).

Oh Lord! That wasn’t meant to happen! Xx

Work was ok today and the kids seem in a good mood. Had a text from ex saying he's taking them out this Sunday. He then got shitty because I said no as we had plans seeing as it's my oldest (Not his but he brought her up from two for 10 years) birthday. Apparently I'm out of order for not just cancelling it all for him even though he only sees them on the rare day he can be bothered.

O4FS - floods of tears here, but much needed ones. Thank you - I needed to hear that. I worry I have forgot so much of DS life already because I’m just so tired and concentrating on survival. I want him to remember me loving him fiercely, that I was always in his corner. I worry he will remember me telling him I just need peace and to let me please have half an hour on my own. Hard to get the balance right isn’t it?

I asked for work to reduce my hours by 5 a week today so I can pick Ds up at 4pm each day. They said no and I could feel myself flushing as I tried to hold it together and not cry. It would have made such a huge difference to our day to day lives. Arse!

Can you double check your work employment handbook/policies to see if there are any kind of ‘work/life balance’ items you could use to push back on catscatch ? Maybe even ‘embracing diversity’? I do feel ‘family status’ is something that gets overlooked as diverse characteristic.

"Mummy, please will you watch me play Fifa?"

Reader - I did

Meanwhile CMS (new claim) tell me ex has not picked up theirs calls or responded to their letters.

O4FS, beautiful post. This is what I hope will be the case with my DS and I, as we build a life together, I can't wait to see the person he will become

It sounds ridiculous but I love the Timehop app. I spend far too much time on FB and most of my statuses are funny things the boys have said. Timehop reminds me of them.