Being a single mum is proper graft isn't it - come on in single mums

[Janeyscleavage]

And no you can't join if you 'feel like a single mum because your husband works long hours'

On my knees crawling into a stupidly busy weekend.

I JUST WANT A LIE IN.

It’s not even the DCs, they sleep until 2pm it’s the bloody dog and his jolliness at 6.10am every shagging morning! He’s always so fucking pleased to see me too at that sodding time

disney it is good to see a single dad on here, but you might need to remind people you are here from time to time . You are in the minority though, as a lot of men do forget their DC exist. You however have full time custody of your DC, which is quite unusual. I am glad that your bosses are supportive.

I have minimal contact with XH, who has been verbally abusive and aggressive towards me since the breakup. He is totally unreasonable so I have given up trying to ask him to have more contact with DC. They have told DC that I am to blame for the lack of contact. I tell DC that everyone is responsible for their own actions and that if he chooses not to pick up the phone, or to see them more than 7-8 times in a year, that it is down to him and solely him.

myhamsteratefreddiestarr Thank you for that, I'll keep that in mind. And I feel for what you are going through. I hope he wanders off and finds something else to keep him occupied other than harresing you.

oh he doesn't harrass me now, we don't have any contact at all other than the bare minimum. I gave up all forms of communication and refused to talk other than mediation which he refused as he won't be controlled by me. I refuse to speak as I won't speak to someone who can scream and swear down the phone to me. So stalemate!

So Single Parents, what are we all up to this weekend? I am working most of the weekend doing tax returns! I am taking half of Sunday off to take DC to see a local production of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang! Looking forward to that, will probably go for food after.

I’m just driving round in circles tomorrow taking the dc to where they need/want to go. But on Sunday we’ve got absolutely no plans 😊

I'm taking the kids to visit my nan then going to buy school shoes on Sunday.

Had the joy of seeing my ex yesterday tried to have it out without him not paying enough maintenance. He just ignored me and when I said how am I supposed to buy food ect. He said he understood left and an hour later a bloody takeaway turned up followed by a text saying he sorted the food. Plus the usual "I know you want me back" shit. How did I spend 10yrd with that man.

Kids are with their dad tonight/tomorrow so tonight I'm relaxing with wine. Tomorrow I'm rushing around trying to fit in everything I don't have chance to do when the kids are here. Sunday we're baking vegan cupcakes for DS1's cubs challenge badge

hedwig you ungrateful thing, you got a takeaway, you should be bowing down with gratitude don’t you know ! . They live on another planet don’t they.

XH refuses to pay minimum CSA. He’s also had 5 or 6 jobs in 18 months. I just know it will backfire on me somehow if I go to the CSA and I’ll end up with nothing. He will probably be unemployed by then. .

It’s galling though that his wife can work part time while I have to work full time and do everything else on my own as well. Still, the upside is she’s married to him, I’m not

I know maybe I should have portioned it up to last us a few weeks. He pays less than he's meant to as csa based it on last year's earnings which was when he took the whole year off with depression because of our break up. He lost the job because he was posting all his amazing days out online forgetting his boss was on there. So how wages weren't great. He now has a stable job that he likes to boast earns more than the last.

I’m sorry but sending the takeaway made me LOL. Some people.... 🙄

He's an idiot. I don't think he understands what no money means at all. His mum often says she's broke but can go buy designer shoes ect so guessing he thinks I mean like that. Not that we are looking at almost empty cupboards at some points in the month.

He is a complete Disney dad as well. So on the odd occasion he does take them out he spends a fortune on toys and things to do. Probably helps living rent free with his mum for that one. Sadly the children never seem happy after seeing him though

I have no idea what my ex earns... probably very little - probably more than his "self chosen" child support would suggest. I go to and fro thinking going via CMS but scared of the shit-storm that will create.

He's taking them to the museum today - I can only assume his gf is in town (she lives far away... he can conjour up money for flights ) and this visit is to impress her. When it's just him they're lucky if they get a trip to mcDonalds!

I have to see him today for handover - I feel like utter crap.

I will spend the weekend catching up on work (self-employed) given my eldest has been off all week with the bullying - good news on that front - got them both into a different school. Finger's crossed this works!

Extra: Apparently it's MY fault he's being bullied because he's too 'soft' and academic. I'm supposed to teach him to fight physically and stop doing his school-work so as to increase his popularity. Fucking bellend.

Kids of to their dad overnight. I'm working today and trying to cram a weeks worth of stuff into one day. Oh and got to have a confrontation with ex in about 20 minutes about why he's been actively ignoring my emails and messages about a police matter all week. So that's nice!

My kids are at their dads as well - although as per usual are back at some point during today. Again I should push back on this but can’t face the fight.

Cleaned the fridge this morning in a burst of energy and now catching up on work. Need to clean the house today as well.

I still feel really unsettled before they go to their dads and it feels unnatural when they are there. Even though knackered I always wake when they aren’t here as it’s like I’ve lost something? It’s not that I want to be with my DC 24/7 - far from it - but it’s the being forced to be apart that feels like the ultimate unfairness of separation. Plus having to engage with ex. I know in some ways I’m lucky in that he is way better than many of the exes on here but even then doesn’t put the kids first and won’t spend any time with them without his g/f which my eldest finds difficult. I think that’s why I’m soft on them coming back to the house as that is without the g/f.

So much stuff to tackle this next year. Hope everyone has as good a weekend as possible.

I have been a single parent since my kids were 9 months and 2. Youngest has ASD. Ex was controlling and nasty and doesn't have much contact thank God.

I met someone else a few years ago and we now live together (have done for 2 years). Thing is I still take bins out, do all of the shopping, washing, folding, look after my kids single handed, can't go away on my own anywhere as partner 'too busy' to commit to help me with the kids etc etc.

He does pay half the utility bills though although he is also buying into a share in my house as paying equivalent of half the mortgage too.... The maintenance or DIY he has contributed to in 2 years is a bloody short list and I think he think things like lightbulbs and batteries appear by magic. Oh and when things go wrong guess who sorts out getting it fixed (clue not him).

Recently when I suggested he might want to go shopping more frequently he said I undervalued him and that he was going to shop and cook for himself from now on separately.

I wonder if this is normal or if I'm a total mug. I don't deal with it though as at least it is company and another adult in the house. If I was really ill he would probably help with the kids although writing that I'm not 100% convinced if he had other stuff to do 😬

run I think you need to think about this before he gets any further into your life. You sound very unconvinced.

@rightreckoner I know I'm paralysed with indecision and fear - it's awful

And I'm only just coping as it is but I'm not sure if I'd be worse off or better without him 🙁

Ilovecrumpets yes to it feeling unnatural. Couldn’t put my finger on it, but that’s it! I’m not sure my DCs want to go, except on their own terms, which is fine for the older two, but the youngest two wouldn’t ever stay there if I didn’t insist he had them on that one night a month.

runbikeswim From what you’ve said - and I hope I’m not speaking out of turn - but there are a few red flags and alarm bells ringing in your post there. Are you absolutely sure he should be investing in your house?

runbikeswim what O4FS said, think long term if he's petulant now, what's it gonna be like when he has 50% dibs on your house and he has a sulk tantrum, that will be a miserable day. Do you need another manchild?

ilovecrumpets - I always have strange dreams when kids aren’t sleeping here .

I have taken eldest dd to her swimming lesson and she’s now at dancing . We are off to my parents this afternoon and they are babysitting while I go to my friends to celebrate her birthday . My parents are hero’s , They help a lot even though they live 90 mins away .

If he left would you feel, ultimately, if you could sort out the practicalities, relieved ?