Dh has asked me to find a job. I don’t want to

[moneyunsure]

We have quite a lot of debt. Dh thinks that if I work we can clear the debt quicker. I think we just need to budget more.

I think that I’m better off at home looking after the dc (3 school age and a baby). Dh thinks I could manage working school hours but this would then mean we would have to pay for nursery and also I want to be at home with the baby and have anxiety so I don’t want to work.

I have argued that I can save us as much as I’d potentially earn by cutting out all luxuries and having an even smaller budget and just cutting back. So financially the outcome would be the same ??

If that job exists

Course cleaning jobs 2 hours a day exist. Unless I was imagining it when I did it. How long do you think cleaning jobs last for?

Why have more children that you can't afford? Scrimping and saving on one salary is not fair on your kids
Take some responsibility and consider at least making things better for yourself

Here’s a job that you can choose the hours to suit you - working for the elections department of your local district council (it doesn’t have to be the local one, you could apply to 2-3 near you).

Jobs include opening postal votes, working on Election Day and delivering envelopes. The delivering is the most flexible.

Invigilating exams at high schools, colleges and Unis is also a very quiet job that needs no qualifications.

Hair cuts at my local college are £3 for women and free for men (as they can never get enough men!)

Miguel Barclays £1 meal book is great. All Jack Monroe’s recipes - most online.

How many posters saying OP is right are funding a household, including a fully grown adult, by themselves?

OP doesn't want to work. I'd imagine her husband doesn't either. Neither do I tbh, but that's not how the real world functions.

Unless you plan on having a child every 4 years until you're 50 then you will HAVE to get a job.
I get that you have anxiety but that doesn't mean you should just accept that you will never be able to do things that trigger it.

What about babysitting?

You can make an instant difference to your debt by budgeting and working. You're taking the piss out of your DP. I feel anxious in my job every day but I keep at it because my family needs me to. Please make this your last baby for the sake of the financial security of the children you already have.

The savings you've already suggested might give you an extra £200 a month. Working a few evenings a week could give you £500 on top of that. I couldn't not do that for my family.

If you refuse to work and the longer you put it off the harder it will be to return, what about National Insurance contributions?
One day you will need a pension. The smallest job, even if it does not help much in terms of paying off debt will give you a massive boost. My aunt in a very rural community struggled to find someone to do some support work in a school. They could choose their own hours, just a couple of times a week (food technician, so washing tea towels etc).
Honestly, there are jobs. Take a look at local pubs and businesses. I worked as a cleaner (as a student) in a small business. I loved it. I guarantee that if it is not stressful but sociable it will help with your mental health.

You must love children, so how about becoming a childminder?

I cleaned the local doctors surgery, 2 hour shift 3 times a week. They paid over minimum wage too.

I have been in the a similar situation and of course it would be nice to have an extra income to not give up luxuries etc but I went back to work and got more money taken from me as it was. There isn't a lot of jobs that pay well that work around school hours, so then it's childcare that is very expensive. As you have anxiety will it be better for your mental health or worse, as mine is actually worse when working and trying to juggle house never seeing the kids it's just too much and isn't for everyone and not a lot of people understand this.
If there is a time where working I would be finatually better I would do it but at the moment it isn't.

I understand that full time work with 4 children is probably not a viable option due to the cost of childcare which includes wrap around care. However, you don’t seem very open to finding part time work and have put up barriers to many suggestions.

I understand you are struggling with anxiety but your husband is under immense pressure in supporting you all on one wage. I wonder if he is feeling anxious. You need to sit down and talk.

I love to see where are these mythical evening jobs are?

I have been looking for a term time job for 6 years.

Local pubs? mine have all closed.
My dd has been looking for evening jobs for ages with no luck at all.

Those questioning why she has had so many kids, how bloody rude.

Does your DH do his fair share of the housework?

I have not worked in 6 years, but I do matched betting. It brings me in about £400-£800 a month, but takes time and patience.

Weekends I want to actually see the dc.

Maybe your DH should quit his job because week days he would like to actually see the dc?

You're being very unfair OP in assuming that your DH should and can shoulder the burden of repaying your joint debt.

There's little point asking why she had 4 kids; she didn't do it on her own, and it's not like she can shove them back up there!

I think you should be budgeting AND working if you're in debt. It's not fair to leave it up to him to work and clear the debt. I went back to work after 6 months and expressed milk for our DS. We couldn't afford for me to not work and I wouldn't expect my DH to have the financial burden himself. Im sorry but I think you are being a tad selfish.

I know several elderly people who employ people to clean and also do other things like change their bed, ironing, shopping, cleaning bird feeders, stuff like that. They all struggled to find someone who'd come in several times a week for just an hour or so each time, so that might be something you could advertise your services for, depending on where you live.
Look at cookingonabootstrap.com for Jack Monroe's recipes. The forums on moneysavirngexpert.com have lots of chat & advice.

Its not going to be easy for OP to get a job unless its self employment without any upto date job references is it?

Factory / supermarket / care / pub - I live in a very small town but all of this sort of work is available as evening shifts.

@MyOtherProfile So if your husband was in pain you would let him suffer for 6-12 months, or demand he pays you back for the private health care? If so then you can't love them much to prefer they went through pain.

Sorry op but you've had four children out of choice, and have also chosen to spend large amounts of money on luxuries each month. I do think you should earn and help towards the debt, it's only fair.

Inclined to agree Rudgie47, self employment (cleaning, ad-hoc support like PP describes, maybe things like ironing or dog walking) might in reality be the best options. Even things like care work might be a challenge with no employer references at all.

Do you have much in the way of IT skills op?

If you could spare a couple of evenings a week; there are a load of jobs in hospitality. Usually minimum wage but you would most likely get tips. Have you done a spreadsheet to see how you could cut the running costs of your home?
Another option is taking in ironing, my friend did this and it paid surprisingly well .
I do understand that a 9 to 5 job isn't going to be for you.

Did you have baby number 4 before or after the debt?

It'll be lot better for you if you do get yourself a cleaning job now, rather than risk him becoming so despondent about the lack of support when he's finally said he needs help that he leaves and you find yourself a single parent.

Because it's a hell of a lot more difficult to get around the Job Centre staff by saying you don't want to work/feel anxious - they'll just sanction you, which means absolutely no money. You won't be worried about skincare or haircuts when you're waiting at the foodbank.