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Original poster

Dh has asked me to find a job. I don’t want to

888 replies

moneyunsure · 12/01/2019 16:07

We have quite a lot of debt. Dh thinks that if I work we can clear the debt quicker. I think we just need to budget more.

I think that I’m better off at home looking after the dc (3 school age and a baby). Dh thinks I could manage working school hours but this would then mean we would have to pay for nursery and also I want to be at home with the baby and have anxiety so I don’t want to work.

I have argued that I can save us as much as I’d potentially earn by cutting out all luxuries and having an even smaller budget and just cutting back. So financially the outcome would be the same ??

OP posts:
LIZS · 12/01/2019 17:57

Early morning cleaning - pub, offices, shops, schools, doctors. You could be back in time for school run and catch up during the day. Are there any agencies you could enrol with or at least discuss your prospects with. I suspect your dh is not expecting you to find something immediately, but show some effort towards working.

Brittanyspears · 12/01/2019 17:57

When your baby is 18months get a job. 4 kids all dependent on one salary is too much pressure. Why should they suffer?

ltk · 12/01/2019 17:57

OP, reducing your spending is not a substitute for earning. You can and should reduce costs to save money, but you need to contribute to money coming into the household as well.

There have been lots of suggestions for jobs that won't impact on childcare and won't disrupt breastfeeding.

If your DH is tired of being the sole earner, I really don't see how you can argue the point. You need to pitch in, even though it will be a stressful change for you.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General money
alansleftfoot · 12/01/2019 17:57

I've already asked this but I'll ask again - you haven't worked for 20 years so is that a decade before you even had children. Where did your money come from ?

Original poster
moneyunsure · 12/01/2019 17:58

It was dh credit card so he was paying it

OP posts:
Shitmewithyourrhythmstick · 12/01/2019 17:58

Oh, missed your post about cleaning. Well that might be doable? You're often working on your own so that might even be more conducive to easing back into work slowly. Is it cleaning private homes or businesses?

flamingofridays · 12/01/2019 17:58

does DH get that he'd probably have to look after the kids at least some of the time you worked?

Why is everyone assuming this man is an idiot?

Original poster
moneyunsure · 12/01/2019 17:58

Dh has always worked since leaving school we got together when we were 15 so he has always supported me

OP posts:
homebirds · 12/01/2019 17:59

Sorry but if he works why can't you?

I'm afraid the world is full of people in your situation working full time. Lots of this people would like to stay at home but for most it's a luxury you can't afford!

Sorry! Look for a job!

flamingofridays · 12/01/2019 17:59

Can you not understand how unfair on him that is op?

Original poster
moneyunsure · 12/01/2019 18:01

I think the only cleaning in the area would be private homes. Possibly the local school but that is quite small.
I don’t mind cleaning in my mind its the option that doesn’t make me feel anxiety as it wouldn’t be a public job like a shop or pub as my confidence is quite low

OP posts:
Intohellbutstayingstrong · 12/01/2019 18:02

Dh has always worked since leaving school we got together when we were 15 so he has always supported me
Get a job and contribute to your household finances. Im not surprised he is pissed off

JennyHolzersGhost · 12/01/2019 18:02

G
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A

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adaline · 12/01/2019 18:02

Dh has always worked since leaving school we got together when we were 15 so he has always supported me

No wonder he's fed up, tbh.

katykins85 · 12/01/2019 18:02

Surely this is a wind up?! No one could actually be this selfish surely?! Confused

ShortandSweet96 · 12/01/2019 18:02

I don't mean this in an offensive way OP, but have you ever worked?

I don't really want to work, but I need to pay my bills, were currently trying for baby #1 and we have had a in length discussion about how we are going to afford to pay our bills until I return to work. We haven't even considered me staying at home. I want to return to work as much as I also need to.

I think if you have debt, you need to work.
Then maybe once the debts clear you can stop working?

Original poster
moneyunsure · 12/01/2019 18:02

If I had to that is the option I would look into

OP posts:
pineapple22 · 12/01/2019 18:02

YANBU to think about budgeting first. In fact I would suggest budgeting no matter what you decide as the haircuts and skincare is an awful lot of money if you are in debt and your husband is feeling the pressure.

I understand your points about not wanting to work, but to be frank nobody wants to work. Being away from children in evenings or weekends isn't something many would willingly do, but needs must.

I think you need to be flexible. I read and understand everything you said about not wanting to work, and we can all give advice here (that you don't seem that willing to take) but ultimately the only person it affects is your husband, and he seems keen you at least try. If while your looking for a job your budgeting works and you save enough money, then maybe he'll be satisfied with the effort you made but you seem to be putting off even the budgeting which can be done from today, which I think is why you're getting the negative comments here from people assuming laziness.

emzw12 · 12/01/2019 18:03

What about a working from home job? Like sales etc my friend does this and they pay her broadband, phone bill and heating.

Original poster
moneyunsure · 12/01/2019 18:03

Yes I worked for a few months in late teens but then I was very ill (MH) and didn’t work again

OP posts:
Kickykickykickkick · 12/01/2019 18:04

Sounds like he’s always supported you OP. Now it’s time for you to support him.

PottyPotterer · 12/01/2019 18:04

I think you're getting a really rough ride here OP. And I say that as someone who generally doesn't think it's a great idea for women to give up financial independence. There's no point in OP working if the family ends up worse off due to childcare costs and given OP has no qualifications or work experience it's unlikely a minimum wage job would improve their finances unless she worked evenings, which might work depending on how much her DH contributes to household chores and childcare. Would he be happy to do 50% of school admin, house admin, cooking, cleaning, washing, school runs, homework, getting kids ready for school etc? Happy to take time off when one gets chickenpox, norovirus etc? Or is he expecting you to continue to finally that and work? All this needs discussed, it really depends if he's willing to do his share to accommodate OP working as she has no doubt done for years to accommodate his job.

Hezz · 12/01/2019 18:04

I'll tell you why you've had some harsh responses, it's because given a choice, most of us wouldn't work.

People don't much like work. The clue's in the name. It's work.

But I do think you need to at least try and find one, as well as losing your luxuries. Just for a little bit until you get the debts cleared x

Whatsnewpussyhat · 12/01/2019 18:06

looking after your mental and physical health when you have 4 children is THE most important thing you can do

Surely by keeping on having children when already suffering with your mental or physical health or have financial difficulties, is only going to add to your issues and is incredibly selfish?

Sounds like the op has kept herself in a safe bubble for 20 years and that bubble has just burst.

MrDarcyWillBeMine · 12/01/2019 18:06

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