If the woman wants to keep the baby and the man doesn't, who, in your opinion takes precedence?

[bearfood]

Just that really. Wondering what people's opinions are. Woman wants to keep it, man doesn't, neither will change their mind. What's the solution? Just looking for peoples thoughts really. Am very fragile so please be kind. So as not to drip feed, relationship of 6 months, pregnancy unplanned, couple love each other but can't agree and will probably break up if she keeps it (from what he has said). Pregnancy is 8 weeks along. Man wanted the baby at first then changed his mind. Woman has always wanted it from day one.

My fiancé told me he'd stay if I got an abortion.

I don't want to but I did. It was the only thing I ever regret doing. I ended up trying to commit suicide.

Oh, and he left a couple of weeks after anyway.

Show her this thread.

Your 'boyfriend' is a mindgame playing, manipulative jerk.

Take him out of the decision because it's not his to make.

OP, don't rely on counselling to change her mind. A lot of these are just tick boxing exercises and a lot of times the boyfriend goes with the woman and influences her.

Any person who tries to persuade someone to have a medical procedure on their body is a twat.

Woman. She has to grow the baby he doesn't .

Always the womans choice but should be based on the fact the father, if so opposed to the pregnancy, may never be involved.

That wouldn't stop me though if i wanted to continue with it.

Woman’s choice, always. However, please be kind. You mention the father is a ‘boy’ and the pregnancy is 8 weeks on. Both parents will be in shock at the news of an unplanned pregnancy. While we would all like putative fathers to be emotionally mature and supportive, many say all kinds of things that they may not ultimately mean. Their panic manifests itself is different ways from that of a new mum. I’m not excusing his behaviour but explaining it. Let the dust settle a bit. It’s hard to watch your DD go through this, so concentrate on supporting her. Hopefully, her boyfriend has parents who will be addressing his behaviour with him, and he will look back on this time with embarrassment.

Always a woman’s decision. Biology dictates that a mans decision starts and finishes with the act of intercourse, protected or otherwise. No contraceptive is 100% and therefore a conception is always possible, he knows this

The woman.

Your DD should save time and dump him now.

The woman especially as he had originally agreed to a baby.
It's her body, her womb, her birth and her abortion so therefore it is her choice.

The woman every time. The woman has to live with either decision forever. The father can skip away either way with no effect. The father had the chance to have his wishes honoured when he chose to not wear a condom. Durex do an excellent line in choice!

Let the dust settle a bit.

Not possible if the guy won't stop putting pressure on her to terminate. I'd also be very surprised if this guy told his parents. Men like this don't tell anyone because then they can pretend it never happened after bullying and manipulating the woman into doing what they want.

This is why relationships where the woman has an abortion under duress from the man rarely survive because in such cases the man usually minimising the experience (after all, it wasn't him having it) and wants to pretend it never happened ('it's in the past' 'let's move forward' or even berating the woman for being over-dramatic)

Agree with others it's her choice - HOWEVER you haven't said how old she is. If she's 13 that would colour my view somewhat.... 23 - absolutely her choice.

Woman's choice. Her body.

Show her this thread OP.
He sounds like a prize twat and it's absolutely disgusting to actively try for a baby and then attempt to blackmail your pregnant OH into an abortion because you change your mind.
Either way the relationship is done whether it happens sooner or later.

No man is worth sacrificing a wanted baby for.

I've just discussed this scenario with my husband as I was curious to hear what he'd say.
He has 100% echoed everyone here and said that it's the woman's choice every time.

@follygirl mine too

absolutely disgusting to actively try for a baby and then attempt to blackmail your pregnant OH into an abortion because you change your mind

He didn't agree to try for one, would have been a very daft decision given they had only been dating six months. OP says it was unplanned so presumably no contraception or used far too lax. Both were irresponsible it would seem.

More emphasis in sex ed by parents needed for many. Boys/men should never trust somebody else contraceptive wise. Too huge a gamble and if it goes wrong they have no say whatsoever.

A poster described this situation upthread as 'a car crash with no winners' and I think that sums it up completely. Despite everything I do feel bad for him but my dd is my priority. I am absolutely willing to financially support and love this baby. I am also absolutely willing to support an abortion if that is what SHE decides.

Does anybody change their opinion if I tell you their ages? She is 18 he is 21.

Doesn't change my opinion at all. I'd show her this thread, though. No man is ever worth this, terminating a pregnancy when you don't want to for his benefit, no one is worth that.

Just to clarify another point raised, dd was on the pill, took it properly (I am aware i only have her word for that but she had lots of plans for this year and I doubt she would have included a baby in those) and he has never mentioned contraception beyond the first 'I'm on the pill' conversation when they got together.

No contraception is 100% effective, the pill is 99% effective when used perfectly and somewhere between 91-99% effective when used typically.

So, he should have thought about using condoms as well, and not left contraception entirely on your DD to sort out. No good blaming her afterwards!

My opinion doesn't change based on their ages. It's her body and she needs to do do whatever she wants to do.

To clarify - mum can help daughter put some distance between her and her boyfriend if necessary so the dust can settle.

Men ‘like this’ do tell someone what’s going on at least sometimes. I know of at least 3 young men who behaved very badly when their girlfriends became pregnant, and everyone in their world knew what was going on. Each has a different ending so far as the relationship was concerned but each included a good deal of shamefaced apologising. ‘You’re making me.....!’ is a common but immature response.

Age does matter. 18 and 21 year olds are less mature than a decade later, and much more likely to panic. This young man may be a ‘waste of space’ and head for the hills leaving nothing but dust, but he may not. Not discussing birth control one an assurance that the girl is on the pill is common. In his mind, it’s effective so why would he ask again?

Blanket commendation of strangers is rarely good. Hang in there, OP. There will be a resolution to this and your DD should have the final say. My husband agrees with this too - it was something we talked about in another context just the other day.

Oh, and I know at least 1 woman who got pregnant while on the pill with her boyfriend using a condom. (So they said. :-)) NOTHING but abstinence is 100% effective. Those little swimmers can be mighty determined. Sex = risk of pregnancy. Always. Glad to hear your DD has such solid support OP.

Can't believe people genuinely think men not being able to have a say in what happens to a body that isn't theirs isn't fair, and that they be allowed to opt out of their responsibilities for their choices to make it "equal"

Men do have an equal say about when they become parents and have full control over when it happens. They can choose to not orgasm inside women FFS!

@mrsclausisdrunk I'm sorry you've been through that.

The woman's choice. The man lost control over his choice at the point at which he lost control of his sperm and carelessly left them somewhere.